Men not being attracted to obese women

[itchyhands3]

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

I was born into an upper middle class family and over time I've come to see that the vast majority are obsessed with weight and being slim. My dad has a borderline eating disorder and tells me how much he weighs to the pound every time I see him. So many people in my family have passed comment about my weight over the years it really is ridiculous. For context I am a size 16 and five foot eight. I do feel judged by my family for being the size I am.

In terms of dating, I think I feel more attractive when I am two stone lighter than I am now but I think most men like a range of sizes so don't feel unattractive to men at the size I'm at now. I am married and my weight hasn't been an issue with my husband in any way. I think the majority of men can see past weight in the middle sizes but my family can't unfortunately!!

Sorry bmi wise I am in the obese category. Should have included that bit!

Same here really. I don't even find DH attractive when he is thin/loses lots of weight. He is 5 ft 10, and was 13 stone when I met him, so a fairly good weight for his height. (Not fat, not thin.) He had been a fat teenager, (16 stone,) and had lost weight and dropped to 11 stone, 2-3 years before I met him. As I say, he was 13 stone when I met him.

3-4 years after we met, he had gone up to 14 and a half stone (still not huge IMO,) and he went on a strict diet. He dropped to 10 stone in 6-7 months! He looked fucking dreadful. It aged him by 10 years, and he looked weirdly 'small...' Some people thought he was ill, and a colleague at work said he looks like someone who has been in hospital for six months and was in the early stages of recuperating.

His face looked gaunt, and his cheeks were sunken in, he looked pale, his skin looked grey, and he looked scrawny. I wasn't physically or sexually attracted to him at all, and kept making excuses to not have sex. He started to regain weight after about 6 months, and had put some 1.5 stone on after a couple of years. After 2 to 2.5 years, he, went back to about 13 and a half stone, and then sort of went between 13 and 14 stone for about 6-7 years.

He then dieted AGAIN, and dropped to 10 and a half stone this time. Once again, he looked gaunt and scrawny, and ill, and 10-12 years older than his age. One woman mistook him for my DAD when we went on a coach trip to Llandudno!

But yeah, I actually prefer him at 2-3 stone overweight, than 2-3 stone underweight. Just my preference. He has dieted on and off in the 35 years we have been together, but has been 13 stone or more for the past 15 years or so. (Thank goodness! I can't stand it when he's 'thin.')

Quite a few years ago I read an article where women in Jamaica were taking medication given to livestock to fatten themselves up because the fashion at the time was for massive bottoms.

Disgusting attitude. No larger woman could possibly bed a man of worth, or in fact any man who is not a desperate sex craved loser?

Honestly, it's pathetic and laughable. Plenty of women in the size 14 - 18 category may be obese but are completely within the realms of normal bodies. I feel really bad as well with my comments actually, I'm sure there are even bigger women with oozing confidence and sexuality. In fact I know there are from SM. Not everyone who's obese is cowering ashamed of their body and inexperienced with men.

I don’t usually focus on people’s weight but today, because of this post, I found myself noticing that there were loads and loads and loads of much bigger women across the range of looks (conventionally beautiful
and not so much) out with their kids or pushing prams. So either they gained weight after having kids or a hell of a lot of men in my area love bigger women.

Surely it depends on the man, and on the woman.

One of my dearest friends is obese, she’s incredibly sexy and all men seem to want her (including my DH) and she’s forever getting admiring glances and whistles, particularly though not only from black guys. She loves it, sex is like a language to her. She’s bloody gorgeous.

Some obese women (and some skinny women/women of any size) are not sexy and so don’t warrant this kind of attention surely?

@ItsCalledAConversation

One of my dearest friends is obese, she’s incredibly sexy and all men seem to want her (including my DH) and she’s forever getting admiring glances and whistles, particularly though not only from black guys. She loves it, sex is like a language to her. She’s bloody gorgeous.

WTF have I just read?

And your husband wants her? WTAF?

Those poor pipes. Shagged to exhaustion.

Obviously BMI has a specific definition. The point is, again, that in the specific context of this conversation

In other words, attempting to muddy the definition!

It has a clear and real definition. That's precisely why you can say the guy's talking out of his bottom, because it doesn't mean ugly or unattractive and exists in a range of shapes and sizes.

Trying to change this to "a different definition of obesity" is actually playing into his hands (and we all know where those have been) by making "obesity" equivalent to "unattractive".

You're just finding more and more verbose ways to muddy the definition. Stop it, you don't need to. It's easier to explain why he's talking shite when you don't, and it doesn't perpetuate his clear agenda of reducing a woman's attractiveness to a mathematical formula.

I think some people have misunderstood what you are saying. I get you. It’s really quite simple. I think the problem is that we hear the word obese and it conjures up quite extreme images.

Omg shush. We are literally saying the same thing. I can just gleen that other posters were talking about perception by sight of what obese people look like, rather than the physical number on the scale.

It literally doesn't matter. It does. Not. Matter. What literal numbers on the BMI scale qualify as obese or not. This dude is talking about fat people. He doesn't give a shit if their BMI is 27, or 30, or 60.

@itchyhands3 btw did you ever clarify whether this "expert" you were listening to was Jordan Peterson? Or was it one of his little manosphere minions who have gained popularity in the last couple of years?

Omg shush. You are attempting to muddy the definition and you're playing into this dickhead's agenda. If we are literally saying the same thing (we aren't), then stop responding and trying to silence me.

It’s hardly news, just take a look at the majority of porn to see what men like to jerk off to. 22 year olds with a BMI under 20, the same body type most footballers, wealthy and successful men around the world choose to marry. I once googled princess’ around the world and most looked like clones of each other.

I was approached by a few porn scouts when I was younger. I wasn't overweight, but my BMI was definitely over 20.

Oh get over yourself 🙄"silencing". Gack.

We literally are saying the same thing because we're saying it literally doesn't matter what you "define" overweight as.

Equating fat to ugly, obese to ugly, 200lbs+ to ugly, or BMI 30+ to ugly, is all the same bloody thing.

It's a sweeping, ridiculous, nebulous, pointless, blanket statement that is solely rooted in fatphobia and misogyny and should be listened to by literally nobody.
What actually counts as technically, medically obese is, well I literally don't know why anyone would bother to bring it up on this thread. Whoever this twat is, he doesn't give a shit about the actual definition of obesity. He probably thinks a woman who isn't an airbrushed skinny sports illustrated model counts as fat.

Fat women can be beautiful. Obese women can be beautiful. And they can be ugly too. The only take away from this nonsense should be that it literally is nonsense, because fat, even the medically correct BMI 30+ definition of obese type, takes such a vast array of different forms figures and body types. It is not a descriptive factor at all outside of what it actually means in a medical context.

Omg shush.

We are not saying the same thing. You're going on about the definition not mattering, and I'm saying it does because the guy is literally saying obese women aren't attractive. That's why OP is upset. If the definition of obese doesn't matter, there's nothing to discuss. It does matter, because the point is that it has nothing to do with attractiveness.

Why are you arguing with me if you agree with what I'm saying?

1. A fair haired mother gives her baby stronger bones? I've never heard this so had a google.

All I could find was "Genetically, blue-eyed blondes and those with red hair have less collagen in both their bones and skin than do those with brown, black, or yellow skin tones. Black women have the least risk for osteoporosis because they tend to have thicker bones and more robust collagen stores than Caucasian women." which is the opposite of what you said. Can you explain further?

I'd debate your argument for a petite partner too. When life was more physically demanding, a strong healthy mate would be best for survival reasons.

"

I suspect the attraction of blonde hair is more to do with its association with youth. Most blondes go darker as they get older, therefore blonde=young=fertile.

(obviously doesn’t apply to countries/cultures/racial groups where nobody is blonde even when young)

I said earlier that I wouldn’t date a man who was obese but this isn’t true because a man I was madly in love with was obese. I suppose I don’t associate him as such. He is a really beautiful man and his bigness is manly. We split up and he is with someone else but I still really fancy him.

it’s funny because obese conjures up an extreme picture in my mind but the reality is sometimes very different.

it’s funny because obese conjures up an extreme picture in my mind but the reality is sometimes very different.

This is exactly what I'm saying.

This dickhead is trying to change the meaning of "obese" to "absolutely enormous and unattractive". It means neither of those things. Which is why the definition matters. It's a medical term for people with a particular height/weight ratio and that's it. Nothing to do with sexual attractiveness, nothing to do with shape and not even the size many people think it is.

The sooner we can lose all the negative connotations by increasing understanding of what it does and doesn't mean, the sooner people like OP can be liberated from such stupid statements as "men don't like obese women".

Okay fine we're not saying the same thing. I still don't see the value in focusing on BMI number, for yourself or the OP.

This man is obviously talking about general fatness. I've already said my piece on my perception of it so no point going round in circles, I understand what you are saying but I just don't agree with you.

I do 100% agree with this idea but the reality is their statement is based in fatphobia and misogyny and so their meaning will always be the same, even if you change the word "obese" to fat or chubby or curvy etc.

Perhaps I've missed the point in that you guys mean all words meaning fat should be without negative connotation or at least without other assumptions that it is synonymous with being unattractive? Because that I can get behind. To me they're already not synonymous which is why I may have got my wires crossed