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Original poster

Men not being attracted to obese women

557 replies

itchyhands3 · 20/04/2023 12:50

I've just watched a video by an' expert' emphatically saying that men do not as a rule find obese women attractive unless they have a specific fetish for obese women.

I don't know what to think for I would be considered obese on scales but certainly don't feel I look obese and consider myself relatively attractive and some men have expressed attraction towards me
.
I'm 5'7' and over thirteen and a half stone . Size 14-16 .I am 49.
This has really unsettled me for some reason. How insulting . But is it true ?

OP posts:
PupInAPram · 20/04/2023 16:52

Nimbostratus100 · 20/04/2023 12:56

The whole point of physical attraction is that a man is attracted to a woman to get her pregnant and propagate his genes. Many basic urges are based on this. It doesn't mean all men are attracted to the same thing, and it differs by climate, of course, but many of these things are evolutionary.

slim waist - not already pregnant
wide hips- more likely to carry a pregnancy successfully
breasts - nurture a baby
blond hair- baby gets stronger bones
petite - less competition for resources, and family resources go further if the woman needs fewer calories

and so on

I know there is research which confirms that in Western countries a female hip to waist ratio of 0.7 is considered most attractive. I call bullshit on everything else you say though. If men restricted themselves to petite blondes, it would be a massive disadvantage in fulfilling their biological imperative. It would be much more logical to assume that men will copulate with any female who appears available. They does indeed seem to be confirmed by my own observation and anecdata 🤣

audweb · 20/04/2023 16:54

Ah the judgements are strong on this one. Fat people = lazy, lack of self care etc.

I work full time, lone parent full time, and I’m fat. I’m not lazy, I’m non stop but can only do so much in one day with all the responsibilities I carry. I also am waiting on an ADHD diagnosis.

All these things have resulted in me being fat. But it’s never stopped me dating or meeting or being with men, who apart from one have all been “normal” “not fat” we fancy who we do.

I know people judge me, but then I also am surrounded by so many that understand fatness is not who I am as a person, thank god. It doesn’t define my character or abilities.

FacebookFun · 20/04/2023 16:58

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

bofski14 · 20/04/2023 16:59

I'm fat. I've been fat for most of my twenties and VERY fat in my thirties. BUT I have beautiful hair and skin and a very pretty face. I've never been short of male attention and have had fabulous shags with plenty of gorgeous men (one was even a male model) It's about confidence and taking care of yourself. My weight is what it is. It doesn't shift much even when I diet but I keep myself beautiful in all the other ways I can. I have a gorgeous partner now who is a semi professional sportsman. It's all about your aura.

Izzy54321 · 20/04/2023 17:00

Absolutely not my DH has never dated a larger lady until he met me, he was married before to a lady for over 25 yrs who was a size 10. I am a size 20 a big lady by anyone’s standard. We met he loves me for who I am and how I treat him and others. He loves my curves and he shows it.

TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 17:00

Ah the judgements are strong on this one. Fat people = lazy, lack of self care etc.

Actually that was one stupid post out of many, many honest ones which have mostly been interesting to read. Considering we're talking about size and attractiveness there has been some good discussion, which is not the way most such threads go.

liann34 · 20/04/2023 17:01

Me and one of my closest friends are visual opposites. Think skinny, dark, short hair, flat chested, vs plump, blonde, long hair, well endowed.

I cannot count the number of times we've been out together and the same guy has hit on both of us.

Men. Aren't. Picky.

Ludicrousness · 20/04/2023 17:02

In Kathy Burke's documentary All Woman, she actually said "most men would fuck a ham sandwich", which is true.

Men are shallow, but I don't think some women are any better. I used to only go out with good-looking men. When my DH was younger he was gorgeous. He's still very attractive. I don't like skinny men, short men, bald men, or fat men. I don't like blond hair on a man. I like men who are sporty and athletic. I also don't like men who have massive egos or who have massive hang-ups.

I think people should be allowed to like who they like and not be made to feel guilty over it.

rumbusiness · 20/04/2023 17:09

Nimbostratus100 · 20/04/2023 12:56

The whole point of physical attraction is that a man is attracted to a woman to get her pregnant and propagate his genes. Many basic urges are based on this. It doesn't mean all men are attracted to the same thing, and it differs by climate, of course, but many of these things are evolutionary.

slim waist - not already pregnant
wide hips- more likely to carry a pregnancy successfully
breasts - nurture a baby
blond hair- baby gets stronger bones
petite - less competition for resources, and family resources go further if the woman needs fewer calories

and so on

blond hair- baby gets stronger bones

What a load of absolute bullshit.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/04/2023 17:10

Cinecitta · 20/04/2023 16:39

Maybe because being fat reeks of self-negligence and lack of willpower. Also a kind of ignorance about healthy eating and nutrition.
(waiting to be flamed for this 😳)

Show quote history

Well I'm fully aware of what would constitute a healthy diet. I'm quite capable of cooking it if I had more time / money so I'm not sure how that makes me stupid. One of the reasons I tend to have an unhealthy snack habit is because it's often easier to grab junk to eat on the go rather than sit down and make decent food so whether it was when I was single and doing a full time job, a part time job and a part time hours equivalent volunteering, or now I've got 3 kids with various needs (medical and just age) and just two volunteering roles, I don't think I'm an overly lazy person, just one who prioritises everything else over self care. Altho I do shower so I'm not smelly either.
So still non the wiser on the assumption I'm thick, lazy and smelly.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 20/04/2023 17:10

Absolutely rubbish. I have been from size 6 to size 20 and been married three times engaged 5 times and lived with 3 guys plus lots of fun in-between personality is what counts not dress size

Tarantullah · 20/04/2023 17:12

Greensleevevssnotnose · 20/04/2023 17:10

Absolutely rubbish. I have been from size 6 to size 20 and been married three times engaged 5 times and lived with 3 guys plus lots of fun in-between personality is what counts not dress size

I don't think being married several times on top of failed engagements is really that much of a shining example though 🫠

Twinedpeaks · 20/04/2023 17:15

bofski14 · 20/04/2023 16:59

I'm fat. I've been fat for most of my twenties and VERY fat in my thirties. BUT I have beautiful hair and skin and a very pretty face. I've never been short of male attention and have had fabulous shags with plenty of gorgeous men (one was even a male model) It's about confidence and taking care of yourself. My weight is what it is. It doesn't shift much even when I diet but I keep myself beautiful in all the other ways I can. I have a gorgeous partner now who is a semi professional sportsman. It's all about your aura.

It's all about your aura. You've just said it's about your skin, face and hair!

What about if you're 'very fat' with shit hair, bad skin and an ugly face? How far does aura get you then?

Darthwazette · 20/04/2023 17:17

What about if you're 'very fat' with shit hair, bad skin and an ugly face? How far does aura get you then?

probably as far as someone very slim with short hair, bad skin and an ugly face

DiddyHeck · 20/04/2023 17:18

Greensleevevssnotnose · 20/04/2023 17:10

Absolutely rubbish. I have been from size 6 to size 20 and been married three times engaged 5 times and lived with 3 guys plus lots of fun in-between personality is what counts not dress size

This is your example? 👀

AlwaysGinPlease · 20/04/2023 17:19

@Tarantullah 🤣

TellMeTheMewth · 20/04/2023 17:19

DiddyHeck · 20/04/2023 17:18

This is your example? 👀

Show quote history

Moving the goalposts a bit there though aren't you. I thought the whole point of physical attractiveness is being able to attract somebody.

Regardless of the longevity of the relationships, the point is this poster has attracted lots of men at all different physical states in her life.

These sarcy posts are just catty and cringe.

TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 17:20

liann34 · 20/04/2023 17:01

Me and one of my closest friends are visual opposites. Think skinny, dark, short hair, flat chested, vs plump, blonde, long hair, well endowed.

I cannot count the number of times we've been out together and the same guy has hit on both of us.

Men. Aren't. Picky.

Hit on you both at the same time, or he tried it on with one and then moved on?

daisymoonlight · 20/04/2023 17:23

Men. Aren't. Picky

So, how come women get ghosted all the time by men then? search ghosting in the search bar and I'm sure loads of posts come up. If men will literally go out with anyone this wouldnt ever happen would it?

Talon01 · 20/04/2023 17:24

Surely it depends on the definition of obese. The BMI definition is quite harsh and not something to go by.

However a woman that is say size 20 plus isn't going to be the first woman a man looks at. Surely that's common sense.

On the flip side all the data shows that with online dating most women go for the same group of men so it swings both ways. Many women won't be interested in a man for his height (for example).

liann34 · 20/04/2023 17:24

@TheOrigRights tried one of us and then the other! 😂No-one quite had the nerve to try both at the same time yet!

BeeCucumber · 20/04/2023 17:26

Oh no! The mens won't like me cos I'm fat. Pass me a pie.

shutthewindownow · 20/04/2023 17:28

I do think this is true it doesn't surprise me men only see looks

Hubblebubble · 20/04/2023 17:28

@Cinecitta not flamed, but you might like to remember some of us have PCOS so carry around the middle. Also, some of the strongest women I know, who go to my strength training class and can deadlift their own body weight, are overweight. Whereas some of the skinnier people I know don't do any exercise, but just eat very little.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 17:30

Surely it depends on the definition of obese. The BMI definition is quite harsh and not something to go by.

It is the definition! That's literally what it means!

The problem is that a) people think it always means extreme, morbid obesity and don't realise what actual BMI 30 to 35 looks like and b) they think it means ugly, unattractive, repellent and a whole load of other irrelevant things.

It's a medical term and while there are health implications, it doesn't mean you must be ugly and absolutely enormous!