For a bit of background I am a 43 year old male, no brothers or sisters, my mum died over 20 years ago, and there is just me and my dad, and he is 82 and despite being in good health in the grand scheme of things I know he won't be around much longer.
Whilst nearly all of my friends have gone on to get married/have kids/buy houses I have done none of that. I've spent a big part of my life single, no kids, living in the home I was born in (my dad lives with his partner). I never foresaw my life turning out this way, but it has.
I want to stress I am not unhappy, I am pretty positive and optimistic, have a good social life and a good group of friends, and I like to think I have looked after myself reasonably well, I am fit and healthy and (I hope) a decent human being.
I do find it hard to make a deep connection with someone, and I would rather be single for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. I have lots of female friends, but I reckon in the past 25 years I probably have only felt a real spark/connection with maybe three females.
One of them happened in January, and this is the crux of my story.
Back in November I joined a running club local to me. Just a one hour a week thing, but it has been good, it is a good group of people and I really enjoy it.
One of the first things I noticed the first time I went was that the female coach was really pretty. It was November and she was wrapped up in a big coat, hat, scarf, etc, but I could see she was very attractive (she is also a fair bit younger than me, there is a 12 year age difference).
Didn't think anything more of it, as being in a big group we didn't really get to know each other aside from a few words here and there.
A few weeks later I found out she is dating a friend of a friend. He is a guy who works for my friend's company and has done so for around a decade. I've met him maybe 10 to 15 times over that period and he is a nice guy.
Again didn't think any more of it.
Then things started to change in mid-January, both my running coach and her boyfriend (we will call her Rachel) were at our mutual friend's 40th birthday.
Rachel and I started talking and ended up chatting pretty much the entire evening. There was an immediate connection, we realised we shared a lot of the same thoughts and attitudes to life and had a lot in common.
The next morning I woke up and thought how much I had enjoyed talking to her the previous evening, when I heard the ping of a message on WhatsApp. It was Rachel saying how much she had enjoyed seeing me outside of running and how nice it had been to chat.
We swapped a few messages back and forth that day, then again a few days later, then probably within a week we were messaging every day, and that is how it has been since the end of January.
We message back and forth constantly on WhatsApp throughout the day. We've met up for coffees and walks and runs, she has come round to my house a few times to catch up and whenever we do spend time together she always messages me after saying how lovely it is.
The messages we swapped haven't crossed any boundaries, but we both have said we feel a connection, that we really enjoy each other's company and there was lots of light flirting, without either of us addressing the situation head on.
So last week she came round and I told her how I felt. I basically said I like her a lot, that initially it was just a physical attraction, but when I got to talk to her properly I realised it was much deeper than that and it has developed over the past few weeks/monts. For me it was more the chance to get the feelings off of my chest than look for answer.
At the time she said she liked me too, and that it was obvious how well we get on from how much we message and that it feels natural and we share a lot of the same thoughts and attitudes to life.
After she left she sent me a message saying she was sorry if she was a bit quiet when I told her I liked her, but she "didn't feel she was in a position to really say too much, but that I hoped I knew she thought I was wonderful".
A couple of days later she said she had been doing loads of thinking since my chat with her. She didn't say specifically what it was about, just that although she was always a great advocate for communication she knew sometimes in some situations she could be a bit closed. She said she had got herself into a messy situation when she was younger by being too honest, and maybe that was why.
If anything since I told her how I felt, our communication and flirting and has gone up a notch.
The one thing I noticed was if she wasn't interested in me in a romantic way she could easily have used the get-out and said she saw me just as a friend. Whilst she might not have wanted to do this in person, she could have done it via a message, but she never has, instead she said she was not in a position to say much.
For a bit of background information on her relationship. In 2021 she left her ex who she had been with for six years. Never talked to anyone about it, just turned up on her parent's doorstep one day and moved back in with them.
She met her current boyfriend fairly soon after I think, so they have probably been together around 18 months. He has a nice flat, but she lives at home with her parents not with him. She has never mentioned to me about moving in with him, but instead says she is saving up to buy her own place. They don't seem to spend a huge amount of time together, and he doesn't appear in any photos she posts on Instagram etc.
The only time she has mentioned her boyfriend to me was when she was talking about the cats she had with her ex and how she needed to find a new home for them. She said her current boyfriend wouldn't have them as he doesn't like cats, I jokingly replied "What??!" (I love cats), and she just replied with a red flag emoji.
Anyway, I feel silly posting something like this as a 43-year-old man, but I guess I'd just love to hear others opinions on it. Do I just leave this? Do I cut contact? Or do I pursue it?
Apologies for the long post.
TLDR: I am a 43 year old male. It is rare I meet a girl I really connect with, I did in January and we have been messaging back and forth constantly since and seen each other on a number of occasions. We both recognise the connection, but she has a boyfriend.