We've been married 2 years. My last marriage ended very quickly and unexpectedly. My ex wife told me she was gay and left me and the kids and moved in with her partner. Years later we're obviously divorced and share equal 50/50 care of the kids. I'll admit I'm bitter. I funded my ex wife's education and life, as soon as she qualified she left. I've never recovered financially and yet she lives the life or Reilly with her partner a geeat job, off on three holidays a year and to be honest, I hate her.
My new wife knows all this. She is so laid back and loving. I trust her 100%, first person in years. She gives me no signs to mistrust her and our relationship is great.
I admit I'm jealous. I try really hard with this and have been in therapy for PTSD (Military related) but this therapy has helped me overall. I hate being this way and my wife knows how I am. She's not a jealous person in the slightest so don't think she really gets it.
She had, let's say, an active sex life over the years. Allthough I hate the thought of that, I work really hard in myself not to let it effect me. I'm a serious overthinker but again try not to let her past bother me (because I know she did nothing wrong) and I don't make her feel bad about it either. Why should I, we didn't know each other and she was single.
All I ask of her is that she doesn't go into detail of her past because I know I'll dwell on things or overthink. I don't want to hear about exes or where they went etc. Now I know many of you will say we all have a past, we do, she did nothing wrong etc etc. I know all this but I can't help how my brain works.
I try to tell my wife how some of her comments dig into me, for example on honeymoon she said let's go have sex in the sea, I say OK and off we go. I stop and she says not here, it doesn't work here we need to go in more, stand up, I'll do this etc etc. I respond with how do you know, and she looks at me in silence. My response was well you've obviously done this before and it put me off so we left.
If the boot waa on the other foot that wouldn't bother her in the slightest. She'd probably laugh and say did it work back then.
I wish i was like that. All I want it for her to validate how I feel and to acknowledge we're different. I have other examples but won't list them all because I know I'll be told I'm being ridiculous and I probably agree.
I don't know if it's even possible to change. I really wish I could but I also wish she acknowledged who I am an give a little more support in it by leaving the past where it belongs and not refer to it