Just wanted to say, you probably dodged a bullet with the sea sex... Did it once and ended up with the worst water infection of my life and antibiotics for a month 😆 never again.
It sounds like you're massively insecure op, and the only thing that may help with this is some sort of individual therapy to get over your past. Your wife sounds very laid back and patient, and I'm sure the last thing you want is to "scare her off" by frequently bringing down the mood, because of your past issues. She has a past, you have a past. Hers obviously hasn't scarred her like yours has, and after what happened with your ex, I can see you're probably in some sort of defensive mode of maybe feeling like pushing her away, getting grumpy, etc so you get that reassurance from her that she loves you, and to validate your relationship, to see how much she will put up with. i.e, If she puts up with this current mood swing, it temporarily proves her loyalty to you, until the next time you need that validation.
Some people who have had bad past experiences that have affected their self esteem, and left them insecure, struggle to be content in future relationships, and develop cycles of self sabotaging, as if you've got nothing to lose, then at least you know where you stand, and life feels simpler, even if lonelier and sad. Plus the self pity, that is clearly still a big part of how you feel now. That is a common issue after a traumatic life experience. Some people can end up seeking out the need for that self pity, and from external places (friends, family, colleagues), and if your current wife left you, you'd have all that pity and care again from others, which in some one with low self esteem, can become an addictive situation to be in. We all know when anyone asks how you are and you say "great!" That's the end of it, job done. If you appear to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling life, most assume you don't need support or reassurance, when in reality, you're crying out for it. So again, the need to create situations of unhappiness, can resurface, to create that level of concern and care for you, from friends and family.
Do you feel like maybe your self doubt, could be, in a way, forcing you to make things "shit" as although you obviously adore your wife and want to be with her, the internal struggles of "what if she leaves me too?" Make you feel like you want to be alone, so you have nothing to lose in the future?
The way you talk about how she had a more colourful past than you, again, indicates you feel like you're not as experienced, and don't deserve her, maybe feel like you aren't good enough? Which is an understandable feeling, but I'm sure that not how your wife sees things. If you feel like you could get hurt, you try and escape, but obviously you don't really want to, so instead, the self sabotaging behaviours take over. If so, you really need to seek out therapy for these thoughts, and the current self destructive mindset, to improve your future happiness with your current wife.
You deserve to be happy, and so does your wife. Seek out some individual therapy to give yourselves the best future you both deserve. Everything happens for a reason, and the breakdown of your previous marriage, although I'm sure was sad and stressful, ultimately led you to the one you're in now, with a woman you clearly adore, and clearly adores you. Therapy is the way forward op.