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Original poster

What's the main thing you've learned from online dating ?

118 replies

clevernerd · 05/04/2023 17:03

The main thing I've learned from the majority of men on line dating, is that many of them will seek sex elsewhere if they want more sex and are not having it within context if a relationship and I am genuinely shocked by that.

I spoke to approximately 50 men.. Some a quick 3-4 line chat and others full conversations for days , before I found out they were attached ,
40+ of those were married or attached in some way and all of them wanted a sexual affair.

Grim. Just a grim place.
I've shut down the apps for good.

OP posts:
Nelly10 · 05/04/2023 17:06

I’ve just signed up like a week, some don’t message back or some message just once ? But then rematch? Had one that was quite consistent with chatting but I felt wasn’t right for me.
Im finding it quite hard work and it’s only been a week! I am very picky though 🙈

Original poster
clevernerd · 05/04/2023 17:16

I loved it and now I hate it !
There is a huge amount of teachers and police officers on there , married and so strong ant about their' curiosity'
All off golfing, football games , working away for a few nights at a time , weekends away with their friends.
They made me sick to my core.
A few dropped the.... coparenting but livi together ... shite into the conversation.

The thread running through these types besides their work , was that they largely do their own thing at weekend and wife/ partner is at home oblivious, running around after kids , while they are away golfing, shagging, attending games and generally living life like single men.
Repulsive .

OP posts:
corlan · 05/04/2023 17:17

The main thing I learned was that the majority of men on OLD can't hold a conversation. They either wrote long essays on their philosophy of life or sent a daily message asking 'How's you?'

Original poster
clevernerd · 05/04/2023 17:18

Yes!!!
That' how's you?'
Where did that come from? Who speaks like that?
Many of them were barely literate also.

OP posts:
OnMyWayToSenility · 05/04/2023 17:23

Don't do it again!

Well I won't be

Fibonacci13 · 05/04/2023 17:30

that people lie....a lot....and they don't care because they lie to get you to do what they want and then they drop the truth in so far down the line that you have to have strength to walk away

that there are a lot of fucked up people out there

that if I had got my dog before I did OLD, I might never have done OLD

that if dp and I split up, I would stick with the dog and not bother to try again

LetsGoToTheHills · 05/04/2023 17:38

I learnt that if I asked for a video call almost immediately that would weed out anyone with anything to hide (eg wife), anyone just on there for the ego trip, anyone too timid for me. That left me with people who liked my my confidence, had enough of it themselves. Then I could quickly see if I liked their 'real life' conversation, if they had a nice smile and so on before wasting any more time sending messages and even going on dates. Worked for me and would recommend!

gemsgv · 05/04/2023 17:43

that so many women can't drive

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 17:45

What I don't understand is the optimism of the extra sex seekers that there will be women who will shag them on old.

Aside from the ones who lie about their circumstances and make out they're single; why are they so optimistic about finding women on there who'll shag them, knowing they're not single.

Are there loads of women who'll shag attached men??!!

I know few women who are that sexually motivated; to do no strings sex at all, but especially with attached men.

Or are the men just taking a scattergun, nothing ventured nothing gained approach - knowing 99% of women won't be interested if they are honest, but holding out for the 1%.

You'd have thought for all the effort, they'd prefer to just exploit cheaper end sex prostitutes.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 17:46

*sex workers/prostitutes

EastAngle · 05/04/2023 17:47

Unfortunately I’ve got to agree with the OP, it’s populated in a large part by men looking for sex. Often they are already in a long term relationship. At first I chatted to men without photos or with distant shots/wearing sunglasses because I naively thought they were shy! Soon learned my lesson…..

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 17:49

I know one woman who'll have no strings sex with men off old - though I don't think she does it if she knows they're not single.

One.

I don't understand why they think old is a free for all sex hook up platform.

Fedupofdiets · 05/04/2023 17:51

Well I found my stbxh had signed up to a dating website last year so that just about kills any hope for me of finding anybody decent on there! Think I'm going to stick with my cat, at least he's faithful Grin

CantAskAnyoneElse · 05/04/2023 17:53

Off topic, sorry op, but I just don’t understand the cheaters.
I’m not naive, I know lot of people do cheat, but if they’re on these apps with, I assume, their real names and pictures, how are they not worried about getting caught?
I mean, someone who knows them/ their spouse could be on those sites/apps to find a partner and boom! seeing these cheaters.
I don’t understand the boldness.

Nelly10 · 05/04/2023 17:57

What’s with grown men in caps ? In bed selfies? Some of the photos are proper grim.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 05/04/2023 18:00

Nelly10 · 05/04/2023 17:57

What’s with grown men in caps ? In bed selfies? Some of the photos are proper grim.

Caps are to hide receding hairlines / baldness.

Fibonacci13 · 05/04/2023 18:02

I think they don't always use their real name and pictures

having said that, I saw a friend of mine's husband on Happn because he used to do the same commute as me. I told her and he convinced her that someone else had used his photo. Hmmm. (they split up a few years later)

i mean how stupid can men be

WatieKatie · 05/04/2023 18:16

My one takeaway from OLD, it’s a complete waste of my precious time!

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/04/2023 18:25

gemsgv · 05/04/2023 17:43

that so many women can't drive

Yes, this !, it’s so surprising the number of women in their 50’s who cannot drive, or spell or construct a sentence without using text speak.

StrangeLittleGirl · 05/04/2023 18:27

That there's no substitute for meeting someone IRL...eyes meeting across a room...or suddenly realising you have feelings for a good friend...

shutthewindownow · 05/04/2023 18:35

Ive learned that men like to send you a pic of their penis as soon as they've said hello !

AceofPentacles · 05/04/2023 18:42

The endless lying to get sex . Tedious

RudsyFarmer · 05/04/2023 18:45

It was ten years ago now but what I learned was it’s a numbers game and there were lots of men who had been there YEARS. Ie I’d go away from a site for two years, come back and the same profiles with the same photos would message me the same stuff. It was bizarre.

Nelly10 · 05/04/2023 19:21

I’d say there’s less than 5% I’ve actually liked , what’s with the ‘I like cuddles’ in the profile section? Do men think we want to hear this kind of thing.

purpleblossom2021 · 05/04/2023 19:53

I think my favourite comment is: ' I don't date women who are bigger than a size 12'. As far as I know, I don't know of any woman who asks what a man's inside leg measurement is or how big his y-fronts are?!!!!