What's the main thing you've learned from online dating ?

[clevernerd]

The main thing I've learned from the majority of men on line dating, is that many of them will seek sex elsewhere if they want more sex and are not having it within context if a relationship and I am genuinely shocked by that.

I spoke to approximately 50 men.. Some a quick 3-4 line chat and others full conversations for days , before I found out they were attached ,
40+ of those were married or attached in some way and all of them wanted a sexual affair.

Grim. Just a grim place.
I've shut down the apps for good.

It’s grim. I don’t know why women bother.

my brothers friend who is an arsehole swipes on every single profile. He doesn’t even read them. He is very much from the “any hole is a goal” brigade. It’s hideous.

Women bother because some women meet some men ! And have dates , sex, flings etc

yeah it’s a head fxxk but I’m sure I’ll venture back - older n wiser I hope 🤞

That there are a surprising amount of really nice people on hookup apps.

That you never, ever continue chattwith anyone who shows a hint of anger, in their profile or their messages. 'Are there any real people on here...' yep but here's one making her exit.

That if a man offers to send you a poem, decline politely.

Last time I did OLD I was early 50s and was shocked that most of the men who contacted me were at least 15 years older than me. One was in his 80s.

Was surprised that those who were anywhere near my age had what I viewed as negative living arrangements eg. Still living with ex 'for financial reasons'; living in a houseshare; or with their mother / sister / workmate.

They generally lacked the ability to converse - just talked and talked about themselves.

There were lots of 'hi' messages. And stupid pictures with fish or in a bathroom mirror. Or on meeting found their picture was very old.

And they all claimed to like walking. And of course they were all looking for a relationship.

Essentially it was a waste of my precious time and not something I'd ever bother with again.

Or ‘I love to laugh’ 🤷‍♀️

I feel like replying ‘I prefer to wallow in misery’

I’ve learnt to read between the lines

• Tactile = groper
• old school gent = chauvinistic sexist pig
• old school gent with a modern twist - chauvinistic sexist pug but I’ll let you pay half the bill.
• loves banter - will make derogatory put down comments and claim ‘I’m only having a laugh’

There’s so much more I’ve learnt but main lesson is it’s a waste of f**king time

😂😂😂

A lot of men on dating apps are looking for free sex - they're seeing what they can get without having to pay for a working girl.

I've seen men wearing wedding rings, photos of their wedding photos in the background hanging on the bloody wall 😂

Men wearing weird 'sex suits', that look terrifying and incredibly unattractive in such gear.

Men with photos where you can see their crotch - and they've put stuff down their pants to make it look like they have a huge dick - however there is a bend in the middle so of course you know it's probably a kitchen utensil of some sort, or something similar.

Sooooo many men claiming they want kids or they're "not sure", despite being mid 40's and older (what they mean is, they want to have the chance to have sex with very young women, many of whom are looking for someone to have a family with, so they need to make sure they caset their nets as wide as possible to give themselves the best chances of having sex with as many young women as possible, they know they won't stand a chance otherwise).

Txt spk hows u bbe - and it's so dull, you can't get a decent conversation from them.

Lots of 'separated' men. They can't be on their own for any length of time can they. They simply must find a new woman to cook and clean for them, and ejaculate into as soon as possible.

On the dating site i last used, you could see what they are looking for and I'd always check this section first to weed out all the men my age range (mid 40's ish), who have stipulated the age range of wanting a woman in her 20's, basically someone young enough to be his daughter 🤮 - again, these men don't want a relationship. They just want sex with very young women.

Blokes that don't post any photos of themselves apart from incredibly close up pictures of things lkke their nostrils. Pints of beer. Their bicycle. Tell me you're married without telling me you're married.

Men that can't keep a conversation going and ask you no questions about yourself. I'm not interested in getting into a one sided relationship - if you don't want to get to know me, why are we even conversing at all?

It's really bad.

You need a healthy set of boundaries and the patience to kiss a lot of frogs (not literally) but that there are some decent guys out there in amongst the frogs!

Yes I had early ghosting, those not single but honest about it (and one or two I thought likely not to be single but not honest about it), those with terrible English language skills, those who stood me up, those who didn't resemble their photos etc.. However I also met a really nice guy for coffee who engendered no spark but seemed genuinely a decent catch for someone. I met a nerd whose living room was full of Lego and Sci-fi books. I also met a local business owner with a passion for campervans and IT. I am currently 10 months into a lovely relationship with the Lego owner. I also now own a Lego bonsai tree and a table centre-piece of Lego (gifts!) The rubbish ones didn't really cause me any issue I just went for block, delete and move on immediately when someone stepped too close to one of my many many boundaries.

The main thing from OLD? You need to be tough. There are a large number of crazy people out there, and you need to be strong with your boundaries, and know how to recognise red flags.

Lovebombers - I had one OLD experience where they pretty much declared they were in love before we had even met (not joking!).

"My Kidz r my world" = usually means their kids are their world, but they only see them once a month and/or don't pay adequate maintenance, OR it means that they will move a new partner in with them within a few weeks so their kidz can have a new step parent

I've posted before, but I had a date where they brought their toddler along with them to the date!! (Not agreed by me, I had no idea beforehand!). IME, there is a large number of (mainly) men who want a ready-made wifey to run their house/do their laundry/ look after their kids.

Anyone can ghost anyone. It's harsh to be on the receiving end of being ghosted , but you just never know! "But they seemed so genuine" "They are too nice to ghost me, there must be a reason they're not replying to me ". Nah, they've ghosted you. Used and discarded like last nights pizza box,

According to a lot of OLD profiles, there are a lot of "crazy ex'es" out there.

And prepare for a whole heap of just general poor behaviour from OLDaters. I said "no thank you" to a second date, and was subjected to a stream of abuse and threats. Scared me sh!tless .

But once you stick with your boundaries and don't take any sh1t, you find nice people that just want to have some nice dates and maybe meet someone that can lead to a relationship. There are diamonds amongst the rough. Despite the numerous idiots I've met on OLD, I met a few who were genuinely nice people , they behaved appropriately and we had a nice time.

That most guys really cannot hold a conversation?

Not on OLD anymore. What a relief it is not to log in and see messages like this one:

@RosaMoline

OMFG - what on earth do they expect as a response to that? Seriously vile 🤮

You can't polish a turd.

@nurt

There are good guys out there. I met dp on old. The difference is though it was a paid for sure not a free app. Paying (think it was £100 for 6 months 4 years ago) meant that it filtered the guy's looking for an affair or the time wasters mostly. I met 4 men on that site over the 5 months I used it and the first 3 were decent, we just didn't click - then I met dp and deleted my profile in the car park that day!

Your first paragraph resonates...

After online dating for what seemed like years (and having some relationships off the back of it too) I joined Happn and also Bumble over lockdown. Met a guy on Bumble who thought I’m sure he’d have been lovely for someone and I went on a few dates with him, he just wasn’t for me. Then met someone on Happn who was nice in person (3 dates) but he seemed to use me as a sounding board to complain about work or his ex partner (yes I know…!), I could tell by the second date he’d gone off me a bit (his loss) but he wasn’t really my type work wise and he’d moved back to England from abroad and was staying with his DM whilst he looked to buy a place.

The third man I’ve been dating since April (but speaking to since Feb/March) and he really does seem like a nice man. I am attracted but I’m wary of being too keen and the great thing is that although he has the odd silly smutty joke, there’s not much and no dick pics! I’ve been basically concentrating on getting to know him and enjoy his company. I think if we both knew it wasn’t working we’d end it. But we both realise we’re not spring chickens as in early 50s.

@Echobelly agreed that most men can’t really hold a conversation. I’m lucky with this man that he’s easy to talk to in person, no awkward silences. But when we first started chatting online I wondered what planet he was on, as some of his talk was a bit random - he was working away though. And some things he’s interested in like science, well I’m interested in it to a certain degree but not loads.

@samestyle there was one contender who I was talking with for a while, reluctant to meet up. Then he mentioned in passing the size of his appendage and I was immediately put off.

There’s someone else I’m chatting to, he’s very nice but he has some interests which he’s passionate about which I’m not necessarily into, so I think from my POV happy to stay friends.