What's the main thing you've learned from online dating ?

[clevernerd]

The main thing I've learned from the majority of men on line dating, is that many of them will seek sex elsewhere if they want more sex and are not having it within context if a relationship and I am genuinely shocked by that.

I spoke to approximately 50 men.. Some a quick 3-4 line chat and others full conversations for days , before I found out they were attached ,
40+ of those were married or attached in some way and all of them wanted a sexual affair.

Grim. Just a grim place.
I've shut down the apps for good.

I'm
Chatting to someone .. on the phone .. until we can meet at the weekend so comes across as warm and kind .
He has a big issue with racism , as in , passionate about it and seems very balanced about stuff .
I haven't met him , he is an anti trump nut, but I got a great vibe from him.
He is so happy in his own company. Says he hasn't dated in a few years as he has been healing from the fallout of his family being torn apart by his wife's affair and the loss of having his adored son full time .
He's a little left of centre .. works in the film industry... all verified by Google and social media .
I'm going g to give the date a shot .
And it's my first . Maybe I'm a bit mad but why not !

It was years ago, but I quickly started thinking that men were actually animals and I would be better off without. Luckily I met DH in real life, and while he has his faults (don't we all) he is a lovely man.

That men are pretty gross and often full pf shite 🤣 and also that it's better to ignore working out the social rules of internet dating and stick to your usual boundaries and instincts.

I realised that the male ex partners I had were basically the cream of the crop, despite having quite a few to a ton of issues.

Switched teams and now happily married to my lovely wife who I met on Tinder. Doesn't mean Tinder is great either, I just got better at picking 🤣

Fwiw, further to above, i said no to 2 online after conversations revealed we had nothing in common (which made them inexplicably angry), i had one terrible date with the world’s most boring man who thought he was God’s gift, and whom i should have known to say no to from our online conversation but i was new and naive. and then i had a date with now-DH who i had no misgivings about. It is possible, just trust your filter.

@clevernerd which sites have you been using, as I’m thinking of joining one so I know which to avoid!

I would say don't talk too much as you overinvest in the image someone portrays of themselves in writing. And them when you meet you are tempted to miss red flags. Chill out enjoy the date and don't take it too swift. And beware of anyone who entirely blames their breakup on their ex and doesn't get too see their children (not saying he doesn't, but he sounds like he has a lot of stuff going on and possibly unresolved trauma, hopefully it's resolved)

Thanks guys .
I was on tinder . I actually deleted it today. It's turned my stomach.
I am, after counselling , trying g to look for red flags and adopt them for my future .
I accept that none of us who are separated or divorced are entirely blameless and want to take responsibility for my own part in my own break up.
I accept people as they are after I've done my homework and after that im
Probably too hyper aware of red flags but thanks

I've learnt;

There are married man on there. I learnt this painful lesson myself as I found out my husband was using these apps (now divorcing!)

That good humour over text doesn't always transfer into real life. I was having a really good/funny back and forth text chat with someone. We met at the weekend but it wasn't there at all. He was quite serious (could have been nerves!) but it made me realise how important it is to meet up sooner and not waste time texting someone as they can build a whole persona over text that isn't actually who they are ....

I've messaged him. He hasn't been on line . We said we'd chat on line tonight . He's no interest does he? An hour later ??

The one thing I have learned is not to use online dating...

Too many casual sex seekers, liars, cheats, alcoholics, drug addicts, inarticulate time wasters and even abusers on these sites/apps.

Too many seem to think online porn and online dating and the same thing.

Would not touch it with a barge pole now.

😂😂 this! ^ …so irritating. Hate the guys who seems to think they’re auditioning for a spot in the comedy club.

I do meet genuinely funny guys in real life- none of them are like this.

Tinder is the hooking up app. I deleted it after 1 day because all guys wanted sex. If you go to other apps, it will be much better.

That after several years on them, on and off, I despise them! I can’t ever see myself meeting anyone long term on there. it’s toxic as f&@k. I’m going to have to try and meet someone in real life but how, I have no idea. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That a surprising number of men think that posing with a big fish will lure the ladies.

I'm not on a dating site but am on a penpal site and although a lot of genuine people on it there is so many treat it like a site to hit on people. I've clearly got I'm happily married with 2 children on my profile yet everyday I'm getting messages from men wanting to know if I'm interested in a bit of fun! So many men lie to me when it's clearly obvious they are married. As my good old Dad said "Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining!" Lol. I'm not interested in a relationship other than friendship. In a way it's flattering but in others it's annoying especially when the man's a little creepy and I basically just find that pathetic!

Has anyone experienced this?

Had a few dates where it’s obvious early on that I’m not what they expected…

for context- my pics are representative. If anything, I’m better in the flesh. ( been told this by the more successful dates too)

im in my 40’s, but don’t lie about this. I’m in good shape and would say I’m attractive ( I still turn heads IRL). I’m good company, so don’t think im a massive bore or anything.

I obviously turn them off in some way- but no idea what it is!! It’s happened a few times, so has made me doubt myself.

Is this an inevitable problem with OLD?

I wonder if OLD is full of weirdo men who have issues with women/ relationships and it’s their shit…

Or it might just be because attraction is such a random thing that we can never tell if we connect with someone until we meet…

anyway, have to say it happens with the more serious blokes 🤷‍♀️one guy went on about the convo being very serious, but kept talking about transport infrastructure 🤦‍♀️…it’s not me, is it? 😂

Meet as soon as possible, attraction is mostly pheromones, that I can't do hookups with strangers despite how fun it sounds.

Oh, and that men would literally have sex with a bin bag if left alone with one long enough, but I already knew that.

Not always the case, when I was OLD I used a couple photos with a cap, I generally wear caps when I need a cut and haven't been able to get to the barber. I used OLD because my work has me away from home a lot so don't get chance to get out and meet people often but like many decided to come off as the women using it were just unreal.

That men are scum. But I suspected that before old 🤷‍♀️

That so many men like fishing and love their cars.

That men will lie to get what they want. After a year of seeing someone from OLD I found out he'd lied to me about lots of silly things.

I had a very strict criteria for who I dated and basically he fit himself into that by lying. His excuse was that I wouldn't have given him a chance or a first date if he hadn't lied. Too right I wouldn't!

He didn't understand at all that he wasted a year of my life where I could have been looking to meet the right person. It was also toxic and he caused me a lot of stress.

I met the right person on OLD by going back to my criteria and sticking to it. No dates for anyone who didn't match it. No exceptions.

Here’s what I learned:

1. Know your worth - you are a high quality woman. You don’t need a low quality man in your life
2. Set your bar high - expect to be treated well, and treat well in return.
3. Pay your own way - take your turn.
4. Don’t waste time on the chancers or the ones you’re not really clicking with
5. Treat a date as a chance to have a chat with someone new, not as your next husband
6. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Until you’ve had the ‘exclusive’ conversation you’re not exclusive. He will be dating other people, and so should you
7. There are some good ones out there and they’re worth it.

I've learnt that actions really do speak louder than words.

@whattodoeek Me too sadly, also divorcing him. It has put me off for life and I had never had trust issues before - I bloody do now! Sorry to her you experienced the same x