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Original poster

What's the main thing you've learned from online dating ?

118 replies

clevernerd · 05/04/2023 17:03

The main thing I've learned from the majority of men on line dating, is that many of them will seek sex elsewhere if they want more sex and are not having it within context if a relationship and I am genuinely shocked by that.

I spoke to approximately 50 men.. Some a quick 3-4 line chat and others full conversations for days , before I found out they were attached ,
40+ of those were married or attached in some way and all of them wanted a sexual affair.

Grim. Just a grim place.
I've shut down the apps for good.

OP posts:
usernamechanged1 · 05/04/2023 19:57

I haven’t done it for years (married someone from online dating, funnily enough!) but I used to hate the “witty” conversation starters people had:

”If you were a dog, what breed would you be?”

”One hour date. What we doing? GO!”

”What song will you have played at your funeral? Will be judging the answer and if you say Ed Sheeran I’m unmatching. 😉”

Get fucked.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 19:58

NoDatingForOldMen · 05/04/2023 18:25

Yes, this !, it’s so surprising the number of women in their 50’s who cannot drive, or spell or construct a sentence without using text speak.

Show quote history

The men are very much like that too.

I don't think I truly appreciated the literacy standards common in my region until I looked on old.

They cannot spell - uncomplicated words - and they cannot write basic sentences.

I was wondering how they manage to get work and keep it but I realised while pondering it that a lot of ppl don't actually have to write (or read) much in their work.

In my region they contract "looking for" to "looking/lookin" .... They will write "lookin woman" or in FB marketplace "lookin bike" (ironically those have the same purpose to most men on old) which boils my fkg piss.

SybilWrites · 05/04/2023 19:59

My experience is actually positive - there are a lot of interesting men out there and it can be a good experience if you just go out and enjoy each date. I've had a lot of fun each time I've ventured back out there! I must have a particular look about me as I never get anyone just after sex and have never been sent a cock shot.

(and yes there are a lot of married/attached men but they're generally easy to spot).

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:00

usernamechanged1 · 05/04/2023 19:57

I haven’t done it for years (married someone from online dating, funnily enough!) but I used to hate the “witty” conversation starters people had:

”If you were a dog, what breed would you be?”

”One hour date. What we doing? GO!”

”What song will you have played at your funeral? Will be judging the answer and if you say Ed Sheeran I’m unmatching. 😉”

Get fucked.

"I'm the kinda guy that'll hold a door open for a woman, and then also her ass after she's gone through it".

"Are you an adventurous type of girl, aprilfool"?

Blah blah blah.

SwimmingAgainstTheTides · 05/04/2023 20:01

I was only on there a brief while a few years ago and what it taught me was that it's so much better being on your own.
The boring shallow small talk along with everything felt fake and forced. I am so glad l turned my back on it. I couldn't care less now whether l meet someone or not in RL. I have got really comfortable with just me.

usernamechanged1 · 05/04/2023 20:02

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:00

"I'm the kinda guy that'll hold a door open for a woman, and then also her ass after she's gone through it".

"Are you an adventurous type of girl, aprilfool"?

Blah blah blah.

Show quote history

It’s so tedious. Up there with women who write “ruin my lipstick boys, not my mascara”.

Original poster
clevernerd · 05/04/2023 20:04

Oh Jesus
Such a cringe fest.

'What are you up to for weekend ?'

' meeting you '

' no, you're not'

What about the ones who tell you how busy they are from five pm... 😂😂😂

OP posts:
AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:05

I met an alcoholic who told me if we drive anywhere (I'd gone to his city by public transport for the date) that he'd have to chauffeur me, with me in the back because his passenger door was broke.

This guy was actually a barrister for the CPS; and he wasn't lying, I checked him out.

Other guy struck me as closet gay.
He also looked 15 yrs older than profile photo and had hundreds of yellow milia over his upper face.

Third guy didn't fancy me, and cut date short.
This was partly my fault because the photos I sent him were blurry because my camera was not working properly and I couldn't be arsed getting better, clearer photos because I was just so jaded and pessimistic about old at that point. I didn't like him anyway, he was bland and boring and thought beagles were pronounced "bagles" even though he had bred then with an ex gf.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:07

usernamechanged1 · 05/04/2023 20:02

It’s so tedious. Up there with women who write “ruin my lipstick boys, not my mascara”.

Show quote history

I've never heard that.

I'm obviously incredibly filthy minded because that sound like "I'll go e you a blow job, but not a deep throat one".

I presume it means kissing though.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:07

*his passenger door was broken.

usernamechanged1 · 05/04/2023 20:09

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:07

I've never heard that.

I'm obviously incredibly filthy minded because that sound like "I'll go e you a blow job, but not a deep throat one".

I presume it means kissing though.

Show quote history

Yeah, as in, kiss me and ruin my lipstick but don’t make me cry and ruin my mascara.

I can see the blowjob connection though. 😂

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:12

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 19:58

The men are very much like that too.

I don't think I truly appreciated the literacy standards common in my region until I looked on old.

They cannot spell - uncomplicated words - and they cannot write basic sentences.

I was wondering how they manage to get work and keep it but I realised while pondering it that a lot of ppl don't actually have to write (or read) much in their work.

In my region they contract "looking for" to "looking/lookin" .... They will write "lookin woman" or in FB marketplace "lookin bike" (ironically those have the same purpose to most men on old) which boils my fkg piss.

Show quote history

I mean, I would guess that because they are online they feel they can use more casual language. I find it a little ironic that both you and that other poster have both used internet speak and/or made SPAG errors in your own posts! I mean you have used ‘ppl’ instead of people, and the previous poster complaining about poor sentence construction has used a random exclamation point followed by a comma, rather than taking a new sentence.

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:13

I think what I have seen on OLD that surprised me is the incredibly low bar for being seen as a good candidate. Many people brag about things like having a job/having a car. To me those aren’t really things to boast about as such. But I guess they impress somebody otherwise people wouldn’t write them.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:14

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:12

I mean, I would guess that because they are online they feel they can use more casual language. I find it a little ironic that both you and that other poster have both used internet speak and/or made SPAG errors in your own posts! I mean you have used ‘ppl’ instead of people, and the previous poster complaining about poor sentence construction has used a random exclamation point followed by a comma, rather than taking a new sentence.

Show quote history

This isn't old.

It's a forum and I'm trying to do other things while typing. If course in doing to use ppl if it pops up in my autocorrect.

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:15

*going to

YungDumbThrills · 05/04/2023 20:17

That I'm happier on my own 😂 Seriously though, on and off the apps for 12 months and now I just can't be bothered and I'm not desperate for a man so let him find me 😂

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:18

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:14

This isn't old.

It's a forum and I'm trying to do other things while typing. If course in doing to use ppl if it pops up in my autocorrect.

Show quote history

Right. And others might feel that way about online dating forums. Which are also forums! Many people consider it appropriate to use casual language/internet speak/autocorrect when using forums. Just like you do!

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:19

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:13

I think what I have seen on OLD that surprised me is the incredibly low bar for being seen as a good candidate. Many people brag about things like having a job/having a car. To me those aren’t really things to boast about as such. But I guess they impress somebody otherwise people wouldn’t write them.

Well I had messages from guys who didn't have their own accommodation.... Either because they lived with their parents or because they weren't single (but lying about it); and we're enquiring about my accommodation provision within a couple of messages.

So you can't take anything for granted. And ppl (!) probably realise that.

A lady I know agreed to a phone call and the guy asked her if she could have sex with someone she wasn't attracted to and if she had her own place. I said to her "there's a word for a woman who had sex with men she's not attracted to and provides the accomodation; a prostitute in a brothel, but he's too cheap to use one".

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:20

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:18

Right. And others might feel that way about online dating forums. Which are also forums! Many people consider it appropriate to use casual language/internet speak/autocorrect when using forums. Just like you do!

Show quote history

It's not text speak that I mentioned - it's basic spelling and basic sentence construction.

Original poster
clevernerd · 05/04/2023 20:23

I'm with you @YungDumbThrills .
I'm repulsed by the whole thing.
I completely respect that there are certain people who NEED to be private in their locality for myriad reasons.
I am one of them.
I am invoked in a court case involving historical abuse of a minor and there are many families involved , through my work . Some relatives are on line .
No way am I exposing who I am publicly for that reason .
I'm honest in my bio by saying that I need privacy at present but am happy to share photos and video chat ( once I've googled them etc )
It seems like a magnet for police and teachers with roughly the same bio , except they are just looking for a shag and are open about being married to a ' great person'( slave who raises their children and sleeps with them unknowingly )
Vile,vile men .

OP posts:
AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:24

Which are also forums!

They're not actually.

Old sites are not forums.

There may be forums as part of the site but they are not forums. And we are referring to profiles and messaging; not the forum areas.

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:25

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:19

Well I had messages from guys who didn't have their own accommodation.... Either because they lived with their parents or because they weren't single (but lying about it); and we're enquiring about my accommodation provision within a couple of messages.

So you can't take anything for granted. And ppl (!) probably realise that.

A lady I know agreed to a phone call and the guy asked her if she could have sex with someone she wasn't attracted to and if she had her own place. I said to her "there's a word for a woman who had sex with men she's not attracted to and provides the accomodation; a prostitute in a brothel, but he's too cheap to use one".

Show quote history

Fuck’s sake 😂 they must get somebody letting them cocklodge in though! I thought maybe they didn’t have anything else to say. I still think it’s a bit low to brag about having a job and a house. I mean if you were unemployed and homeless surely you’d be working on that and not on POF!

Kanaloa · 05/04/2023 20:27

AprilFool23 · 05/04/2023 20:24

Which are also forums!

They're not actually.

Old sites are not forums.

There may be forums as part of the site but they are not forums. And we are referring to profiles and messaging; not the forum areas.

Either way they were online. My point was it’s a little ironic that the two people pointing out poor sentence construction both obviously don’t proofread/consider sentence construction or SPAG when they post things online! People often think as it’s more casual than mistakes etc are acceptable when chatting online or by text.

User135644 · 05/04/2023 20:55

purpleblossom2021 · 05/04/2023 19:53

I think my favourite comment is: ' I don't date women who are bigger than a size 12'. As far as I know, I don't know of any woman who asks what a man's inside leg measurement is or how big his y-fronts are?!!!!

It's common for women to demand a 6 feet tall man.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 05/04/2023 21:10

My rule in retrospect - trust your first instinct.

if you think “well, he’s not my usual type but maybe” no.

if you think “ he seems a bit pushy but maybe i should give him the benefit of the doubt” no.

if you think “he seems annoyed, i don’t want him to think badly of me so i’ll just…” no.

if you think “he seems a bit boring but maybe he’s different in person” no.

if you think “he seems funny. And clever. And kind” maybe yes?