What's the main thing you've learned from online dating ?

[clevernerd]

The main thing I've learned from the majority of men on line dating, is that many of them will seek sex elsewhere if they want more sex and are not having it within context if a relationship and I am genuinely shocked by that.

I spoke to approximately 50 men.. Some a quick 3-4 line chat and others full conversations for days , before I found out they were attached ,
40+ of those were married or attached in some way and all of them wanted a sexual affair.

Grim. Just a grim place.
I've shut down the apps for good.

Writing someone off as not interested because they've not responded within the hour is bonkers, and will likely mean you'll
miss the few good eggs on OLD who have lives outside of dating sites!

I haven't met him , he is an anti trump nut, but I got a great vibe from him.

Do explain, please OP, how anyone could be an "anti-Trump nut"? Assuming you've been a sentient being the past six years or so, can you honestly claim that someone who isn't anti-Trump is a "nut"??

I mean that he watches American tv and reads American news obsessively and uses social media as a platform to share posts about trump , continuously ... as in twenty posts per day.
It's his only outlet he says .

Where are my spag mistakes and poor sentence construction?

I abbreviated one (?) word.

Yeah I'd give that a swerve

Wanted a relationship,not to be agony aunt for there moans and groans.😂😂

When I was online dating in 2004 & was looking for my future DH, in my profile I clearly had: 'Serious loyal relations only. I am looking for my future husband to have a baby with.'

I met him 4 months later, got married 9 months later in 2005 and we lived in different countries then.

You need to be very specific about who you are looking for and what type of relations and that you expect HONESTY & LOYALTY.

Well, that guy was online all evening on his various social media platforms sharing memes and posts about Trump, yet Didn't have the manners to return a message after an hour despite being being online .
I don't think that's unreasonable.
We had arranged to be in contact and he didn't bother.
Tells me he had no interest tbh.

Be very wary how much time and feelings you invest in someone, even after a few months of dating them. They can pretend to want a serious relationship but all they want is the latest person to date. When a lovebombing Peter Pan you found on a paid for site decides it's you he wants to settle down with, it's not true. Their relationship history is important, no one is perfect but too many short lived failed relationships is a warning.

That's the dark side, however I'd say most men spill their intentions straight away by trying to turn the chat sleazy, these ones at least make it easy to delete and keep looking.

Listen to your feelings, if they don't make you feel worthy of their time, then stop, move on and find someone that appreciates your time.

You live and learn

It's just as bad in France. So far this year I've had
A district nurse who's not listed either in their professionnal directory or the yellow pages.
An architect also not in yellow pages and not registered as an architect. They'd also not been born in Québec when they said. Also said they didn't need to register as an architect in France, when the site in Canada says you need to, to work in France.
The 'nurse' told me where he lived, but when I looked on Google maps no 1457 didn't exist in the road.
The number that take flights that don't exist. One I'm talking to at the moment is flying from Bordeaux to Vilnius at 3pm on Saturday but no flight leaves at that time. At all.
An astonishing number are divorced having found their wife at home in their bed with their best friend.
Ones who say they're a widower but no death has been registered for a woman with their name in the commune under the age of 90.
Etc, etc

Still, where there's life there's hope. Just.

It's a lottery is my experience.

Try to line up something after about a week of chatting. Don't invest too much as the person may be nothing like what you've built up in your mind based on messages.

Treat the first date as a meeting not really a date. Have an excuse ready to leave after an hour but if possible allow time for at least a couple of hours (possibly more depending on distances travelled and how long it may take to meet again).

Do not over invest in first date. A walk in the park or coffee date is fine as is a drink at the pub. Also bear in mind that the first meeting may be nothing like subsequent ones as on the first one you're probably only really gauging if they are the person they've told you they are and there's the possibility of chemistry etc.

You don't need to share life stories but I've realised it's worth getting a feel for what they are looking for and how much they can meet etc. If you both have kids and say your free weekend is the opposite one those kind of things can logistically make it a non starter.

Persevere but don't lower standards as it won't work if you do as sooner or later you'll realise it's not what you want.

Good luck!

It's lovely that it worked out for you!
But I think online dating in the early 2000s would have been an entirely different kettle of fish to what it is now.

Yup. And I'm not remotely interested in anyone with sexual difficulties. It actually really bugs me when men aren't honest about this.

From my experience it seems that a lot of men on dating sites are on the rebound. It's like they are lonely or need sex or attention or possibly all three and aren't ready to commit.

I actually know someone who is gutted about his recent breakup and has been straight onto Plenty of Fish. I was chatting to someone else who seemed to have no problem having a series of hookups with 40s to early 50s women, one of whom was married. No judgement if that's what you want but he was another one who wasn't over his ex.

In my 40s I dated three men who couldn't commit after recent breakups after long term relationships. I am better at spotting red flags now and have taken myself off dating sites for now. I might give it another go in the future because at the end of the day it's all down to luck.

Good luck 👍

Yes its dreadful. Have had weirdos,bores, stalkers, liars. Thankfully now have 3 cats and a large love honey collection, hence OLD can fuck off !

My experience so far is add 5 years to their age and knock 3 inches of their height.

Being 50+ I get messages from men in their late 60’s or early 70’s looking for a wife/cleaner/cook.

And even men in their 50’s are looking for sex and think we need to see their semi naked bodies after about 2 days of messaging..

Theres a lot of monosyllabic men out there who think ‘hi’ or lol’ is a conversation.

The 0.00001% who make it as far as a date are older and shorter than they claimed to be.

And the even tinier few who make a second date suddenly drop a deal breaker bombshell they forgot to mention previously.

Im coming to the realisation that it’s not for me. However the last few men I’ve met in the wild have been nightmares as well.

Think staying single is the way forward.

Main thing I learned is it’s better to stay single unless you meet someone in real life!

Online dating in 2004 was NOTHING like it is today. It's deteriorated about one million percent!!

(1) they are sex Obsessed , totally priapic

(2) they are as fucked up as we women are , it’s all humanity

(3) they struggle with divorce often more than women do

A)
men my age look really fucking old!

B)
even the ones who seem interested and arrange an actual date/time/place to meet will ghost you

C)
nobody reads your profile. They swipe everyone and then maybe possibly read the bio bit if you match with them. So many men I matched with who then deleted me shortly after we started chatting, when I checked that they’d looked at my full length pics and were ok with me being plus size. Whoosh! Where’d he go?!

Yes all the time. Most dates guys rant about all the awful dates they'd been on. Is it just me?

Yes I've noticed a lot of men my age (mid 40s) look really old and just don't take care of themselves. It's weird as all men 40+ I meet in real life (granted either at work or the gym) take care of themselves. But OLD it seems they don't.

@MYSTERIOUSGIRLONLINE What penpal site is that please?

This also they look a lot older than they say, even the younger ones and don’t look like they take of themselves at all. Look like they drink/smoke etc.