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Original poster

Do some men not like PIV?

128 replies

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 10:59

Been with DH for 5 years, have a young DD together. For the past year or so our sex life has really dwindled. We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral. I personally enjoy giving oral sex (don't like receiving), but for my own pleasure I enjoy PIV. I've spoke to him before about the lack of PIV and things change for a short while but then fall into a rut again. There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time. The sheer selfishness around it has really began to get to me so I spoke to him again last night. When I asked directly why he didn't want sex he admitted that he doesn't really enjoy piv and never really has with exs either. He said at times he'll fancy it but mostly doesn't. He admits he has a libido (will masturbate a few times a week) bur doesn't particularly enjoy vaginal sex. Incidentally the porn he watches is nearly all lesbian or blowjobs. Very rarely would he watch heterosexual sex. He's definitely not gay/not having an affair. He says he does still fancy me and thinks I'm attractive but just doesn't want sex. He was quite taken aback at how much the lack of sex bothers me and think he now realises it may become a dealbreaker. He said he will make an effort and did intiate this morning (but of course I came on my period 🙄). I realise there is a bigger issue in regards to the selfishness/lack of consideration etc. But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? Or do you think he's trying to spare my feelings and doesn't fancy me? To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done. He used to climax during piv but hasn't in the past year or so, we normally finish with oral. Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

OP posts:
Highlyflavouredgravy · 04/04/2023 11:01

Gay men don't like it

Whattt44 · 04/04/2023 11:01

I personally have never met a man who doesn't like it.

Allmyghosts · 04/04/2023 11:02

He sounds utterly lazy.

OhMyCherriePie · 04/04/2023 11:04

My ex said he preferred oral.

Xrays · 04/04/2023 11:07

Allmyghosts · 04/04/2023 11:02

He sounds utterly lazy.

This. PIV demands an amount of physical effort and it sounds like he either just can’t be bothered or is too fatigued to do it - how is his health otherwise? I do think people just have different preferences too. You said yourself for example you don’t like receiving oral sex - for many women that would be an instant deal breaker. For others (like me and you) it’s a thing we don’t like..!

Redcliffe1 · 04/04/2023 11:08

I had a FWB that wasn't that into it that much- his thing was going down on me and he was very straight. But it's very unusual and we would sometimes have PIV. But for me in a relationship it would be a deal breaker.

G58 · 04/04/2023 11:08

Sounds like he could do with watching less porn and then he might be into normal sexual relationships again. Porn really does twist your head up.

But no, most men prefer PIV (I had to look it up, I'll admit). It feels better for most.

ETref · 04/04/2023 11:09

We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral

^ That is not a sex life. That is basically just you sorting him out when he wants with nothing in return for you. Why have you been putting up with this for so long? Why would you even give him oral if he doesn't bother to make sure that you are satisfied?

ArcticSkewer · 04/04/2023 11:09

So how do you currently orgasm if you don't like oral sex (receiving) and don't get piv sex? Do you have an unofficial rule to balance out orgasms or is it just him getting them?

I dunno, I couldn't be arsed with sex if it was just him getting blowjobs (and I do like giving them, but I'm quite transactional in bed - both get orgasms, not just one). Have you considered just stopping until you get pleasure first?

Botw1 · 04/04/2023 11:15

I keep seeing this death grip thing, what is it?

If he can't he bothered to give you what you need sexually I wouldnt be entertaining blowjobs for him

Original poster
TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 11:30

For PP who have asked, I genuinely enjoy giving blowjobs. It's nearly a "kink" that my pleasure is getting him off. For my own orgasms I can truthfully give them to myself better than he can (or any man if I'm being frank). I do like PIV, but it's more the emotional side of it I like, the feeling desired, wanted etc as opposed to the physical sensation. I mean I do like the physical side of sex too but it's more the feeling "wanted" that I like. As for him being lazy, he absolutely is, not to mention incredibly selfish but it wouldn't take me more than 2 minutes to climax with PIV. I'm not sure porn use is the culprit as even when we were having very regular sex he would still have watched it. I don't think his consumption has changed, at times he'll not watch it for a week, other times he'll watch it 3x a week. I don't think he's addicted, he certainly likes it but his tastes haven't got any "wilder" over the years, it's basically all leabians and blowjobs. Never gay and rarely heterosexual porn.

OP posts:
G58 · 04/04/2023 11:34

Botw1 · 04/04/2023 11:15

I keep seeing this death grip thing, what is it?

If he can't he bothered to give you what you need sexually I wouldnt be entertaining blowjobs for him

Just looked it up. Apparently its the phenomenon (unproven medically so far), that firm masturbation desensitises the penis and that they then can't climax via alternate means.

TBH, even if that was the problem for the OP, then her husband should maybe pack it in a bit or maybe stop thinking about himself and his pleasure and instead think of his wifes'. Not all women orgasm during sex, so its not "essential" that a bloke needs to in order for them to enjoy it.

He's being a selfish lazy bugger who would rather have a wank over porn than make the effort (poor mite) with his wife. Binning the porn would be a first step in normalising things as that does make it harder to climax via more traditional means.

dworky · 04/04/2023 11:36

Some don't.
I remember reading of a man who didn't like the feeling of being 'enveloped'.

ArcticSkewer · 04/04/2023 11:37

Oh well, if your kink is giving orgasms to lazy men then you are a match made in heaven. Now you just need to get him to exert himself for two minutes every now and then and you are sorted!

Although if you are looking for the emotional need of being 'wanted' that might be harder. It doesn't sound like he really does want piv.

I'd say there's quite a bit going on there in your head about sex, but that wasn't your question, so I'll try not to comment

Original poster
TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 11:37

To be honest, I do find it unusual he's not massively into piv, but then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected? I do wonder if men genuinely enjoy piv as much as we expect them too? Or would they all prefer blowjobs if they could admit to it? As aforementioned, the main issue is his lack of consideration about my needs and happiness. And that will be the dealbreaker as opposed to him not being into sex. But I am curious if there are many other men out there that aren't really into it, but don't feel like they can admit to it

OP posts:
DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 11:37

I have had men brag online how they love oral so much they're not fussed about penetration they'd rather just do oral for hours which sounds incredibly dull to me. I don't know what's their deal. I think if he didn't fancy you physically he wouldn't offer oral which I think is quite intimate and more giving ironically than penetration because it's about the receiver's pleasure so I'm not sure I agree that it's a sign he is selfish to offer only oral. It must be more about his dick or your vagina or his stamina... IDK

beAsensible1 · 04/04/2023 11:37

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 10:59

Been with DH for 5 years, have a young DD together. For the past year or so our sex life has really dwindled. We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral. I personally enjoy giving oral sex (don't like receiving), but for my own pleasure I enjoy PIV. I've spoke to him before about the lack of PIV and things change for a short while but then fall into a rut again. There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time. The sheer selfishness around it has really began to get to me so I spoke to him again last night. When I asked directly why he didn't want sex he admitted that he doesn't really enjoy piv and never really has with exs either. He said at times he'll fancy it but mostly doesn't. He admits he has a libido (will masturbate a few times a week) bur doesn't particularly enjoy vaginal sex. Incidentally the porn he watches is nearly all lesbian or blowjobs. Very rarely would he watch heterosexual sex. He's definitely not gay/not having an affair. He says he does still fancy me and thinks I'm attractive but just doesn't want sex. He was quite taken aback at how much the lack of sex bothers me and think he now realises it may become a dealbreaker. He said he will make an effort and did intiate this morning (but of course I came on my period 🙄). I realise there is a bigger issue in regards to the selfishness/lack of consideration etc. But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? Or do you think he's trying to spare my feelings and doesn't fancy me? To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done. He used to climax during piv but hasn't in the past year or so, we normally finish with oral. Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

Op I think he is just lazy and unfit. missionary or generally most PIV does require a lot of action and thus effort and he just can't be arsed.

with oral you do all the work and he gets the reward and you dont even get off!
stop doing it or don't do it to completion. he's very cheeky

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 04/04/2023 11:38

I'm a straight man and it's probably my least favourite part of sex these days. A typical sex session for me and partner is usually 30 mins of me pleasuring DP with hands and mouth, and then 15 mins of her doing the same to me. We do both enjoy PIV, but it probably only happens one in 4 times we have sex.

Part of it is that we've got a teenager in the house, so have to be a bit subdued and quiet with PIV, but to be honest it started when I went through a long period of erectile dysfunction (stress related) a few years ago. It mostly tended to happen with PIV, and it led to me dreading it. Even after a couple of years with no issues I still feel a bit of worry about it, and I think it puts me off a bit

DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 11:39

oh crap I totally misread sorry. I thought HE wanted to give you head. Yeah then it's selfish if he's only up for blowjobs.

DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 11:40

@fdgdfgdfgdfg fuck me 15 minutes of wanking and sucking? My hand would drop off and jaw would make for a very awkward conversation with my dentist.
Maybe i'm pathetically weak....

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 04/04/2023 11:47

Haha, it's not quite as regimented as I've made it sound, there's a lot more back and forth, I just meant that I'll just get her over the finish line first, and then she'll return the favour, and it takes her a fair bit longer to get there than me.

Neither of us have any complaints (aside from the lack of an empty house!)

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 11:48

He sounds like a lazy, selfish cunt.

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 11:48

Assuming he’s not actually gay, that is.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 04/04/2023 11:53

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 11:48

Assuming he’s not actually gay, that is.

Ah yes, because gay men are famous for only watching lesbian porn

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 04/04/2023 11:54

Iv never met a man who doesn't like piv but then iv never known a woman who doesn't like oral so 🤷