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Original poster

Do some men not like PIV?

128 replies

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 10:59

Been with DH for 5 years, have a young DD together. For the past year or so our sex life has really dwindled. We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral. I personally enjoy giving oral sex (don't like receiving), but for my own pleasure I enjoy PIV. I've spoke to him before about the lack of PIV and things change for a short while but then fall into a rut again. There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time. The sheer selfishness around it has really began to get to me so I spoke to him again last night. When I asked directly why he didn't want sex he admitted that he doesn't really enjoy piv and never really has with exs either. He said at times he'll fancy it but mostly doesn't. He admits he has a libido (will masturbate a few times a week) bur doesn't particularly enjoy vaginal sex. Incidentally the porn he watches is nearly all lesbian or blowjobs. Very rarely would he watch heterosexual sex. He's definitely not gay/not having an affair. He says he does still fancy me and thinks I'm attractive but just doesn't want sex. He was quite taken aback at how much the lack of sex bothers me and think he now realises it may become a dealbreaker. He said he will make an effort and did intiate this morning (but of course I came on my period 🙄). I realise there is a bigger issue in regards to the selfishness/lack of consideration etc. But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? Or do you think he's trying to spare my feelings and doesn't fancy me? To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done. He used to climax during piv but hasn't in the past year or so, we normally finish with oral. Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

OP posts:
Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 16:45

swirly456 · 04/04/2023 16:42

What an earth does PIV stand for.?

Peen in vag.

SmileyClare · 04/04/2023 16:46

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2023 15:46

My understanding is that it means "Peonies in vases". Some men just can't admit to liking any kind of flowers as society has taught them this isn't an acceptable way to behave. Sad really.

Show quote history

🤣👍🤣

swirly456 · 04/04/2023 16:47

@Antiquiteas thank you 😂 spent the whole thread trying to work it out. I thought it meant that but never heard it abbreviated to that before.

SmileyClare · 04/04/2023 16:59

I feel like this could be a me issue

Crikey he’s done a number on you. Your self esteem seems to be on the floor Sad

Him not wanting to have sex with you or even touch you sexually is so insulting. He has no consideration for your feelings or needs.

You're servicing him all the time and it’s wrecking your self confidence x

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 17:02

It’s not a you issue @TheBlueMouse90.

He’s a fat, selfish, lazy, alcoholic, who just wants to sit there like Henry the fucking Eighth, while you suck him off and he does precisely fuck all for you.

He doesn’t care. He won’t put himself out for you, literally.

He’s disgusting and on top of that, it appears he’s completely annihilated your self-esteem.

ittakes2 · 04/04/2023 17:11

I would get his testosterone checked.

Naunet · 04/04/2023 17:12

ittakes2 · 04/04/2023 17:11

I would get his testosterone checked.

Why? He’s still wanking a few times a week and happily accepts blow jobs, he just doesn’t give anything back.

Botw1 · 04/04/2023 17:16

Wow.

So he's shit and selfish in bed and not that into you. Possibly an alcoholic

Yet you had a kid with him and are continuing a relationship?

Why?

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 17:17

ittakes2 · 04/04/2023 17:11

I would get his testosterone checked.

Can’t believe your take away from this thread is concern for this man’s testosterone levels

AnythingToSay · 04/04/2023 17:23

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 17:02

It’s not a you issue @TheBlueMouse90.

He’s a fat, selfish, lazy, alcoholic, who just wants to sit there like Henry the fucking Eighth, while you suck him off and he does precisely fuck all for you.

He doesn’t care. He won’t put himself out for you, literally.

He’s disgusting and on top of that, it appears he’s completely annihilated your self-esteem.

And make her believe that giving blowjobs is her "kink".

Goodness, lady, wake up.

Bamboux · 04/04/2023 17:49

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 17:02

It’s not a you issue @TheBlueMouse90.

He’s a fat, selfish, lazy, alcoholic, who just wants to sit there like Henry the fucking Eighth, while you suck him off and he does precisely fuck all for you.

He doesn’t care. He won’t put himself out for you, literally.

He’s disgusting and on top of that, it appears he’s completely annihilated your self-esteem.

At least Henry the VIII fucked his wives. Even if he did decapitate them afterwards.

RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2023 17:51

I've known a man whose preference was BJs an another man who actively disliked receiving oral. I myself loathe receiving oral.

It's all just preference isn't it, not everybody like everything.

category12 · 04/04/2023 17:54

Personally I'd stop getting him off, if he CBA to get you off.

I'm sure there are men who don't enjoy PIV much. They would not be the men for me.

Thesharkradar · 04/04/2023 17:56

please stop prostrating yourself before this awful man, just get rid

RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2023 17:57

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2023 15:46

My understanding is that it means "Peonies in vases". Some men just can't admit to liking any kind of flowers as society has taught them this isn't an acceptable way to behave. Sad really.

Show quote history

Genuinely chuckled at that. 😂

Hawkins003 · 04/04/2023 18:21

It's a mix, with me, I enjoy it, but I also prefer using various vibrators, dildos, to please the woman.

Comii9 · 04/04/2023 18:25

RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2023 17:51

I've known a man whose preference was BJs an another man who actively disliked receiving oral. I myself loathe receiving oral.

It's all just preference isn't it, not everybody like everything.

No. I don't think actual intercourse is preference though do you actually think that?

The other things yes. But intercourse is the main event surely! It's a huge issue if someone doesn't want to do it all which is the case for OP.

cloudsandream · 04/04/2023 18:25

Hawkins003 · 04/04/2023 18:21

It's a mix, with me, I enjoy it, but I also prefer using various vibrators, dildos, to please the woman.

This is relevant how?

wellhi · 04/04/2023 18:27

I haven't ever come across a man who doesn't enjoy it, but I have only had a handful of partners.

We don't currently do it much because I am no longer on hormonal birth control. We are relying on condoms and I think the faff of them coupled with them ruining the feeling of it for him means that we just don't bother as much.

BUT: 1) he spends a long, long time on oral and using his hands, he is definitely not being selfish. And

  1. he does sometimes ask to do it anyway, to which I have to say no as I don't want to risk another pregnancy at the moment...but in the heat of the moment he is not so bothered.

So I don't know. It does sound like he is lazy. But what if you were to go on top? Minimal effort required from him.

Hawkins003 · 04/04/2023 18:40

cloudsandream · 04/04/2023 18:25

This is relevant how?

Show quote history

In the ops own words

"But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? "

That's why I gave the answer

Hawkins003 · 04/04/2023 18:41

cloudsandream · 04/04/2023 18:25

This is relevant how?

Show quote history

Did you study the ops, op before you thought my perspective was out of context ?

Fromwetome · 04/04/2023 18:45

I bet he actually has no libido and wanks out of habit and dopamine chasing, so anything that requires effort with you puts him off. My partner used the same excuse and we are going on 4 years with nothing apart from snogging. I hate it but luckily i don’t have a libido from taking citalopram (for the dead bedroom) so it’s a win win. 🙄

WorldCuppa · 04/04/2023 18:52

@dimpleton the death grip nonsense was debunked a long time ago. Do keep up dear.

RestingMurderousFace · 04/04/2023 19:57

Comii9 · 04/04/2023 18:25

No. I don't think actual intercourse is preference though do you actually think that?

The other things yes. But intercourse is the main event surely! It's a huge issue if someone doesn't want to do it all which is the case for OP.

Show quote history

Erm yes, I do think it's possible to prefer other things to PIV. It's unusual of course but entirely plausible. How odd that you dismiss it so adamantly.

PinkSyCo · 04/04/2023 20:13

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 11:37

To be honest, I do find it unusual he's not massively into piv, but then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected? I do wonder if men genuinely enjoy piv as much as we expect them too? Or would they all prefer blowjobs if they could admit to it? As aforementioned, the main issue is his lack of consideration about my needs and happiness. And that will be the dealbreaker as opposed to him not being into sex. But I am curious if there are many other men out there that aren't really into it, but don't feel like they can admit to it

I fucking love oral, and find it much more pleasurable than PIV. I wonder if you wanted oral would your DH oblige or would he be too lazy and selfish for that also?