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Original poster

Do some men not like PIV?

128 replies

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 10:59

Been with DH for 5 years, have a young DD together. For the past year or so our sex life has really dwindled. We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral. I personally enjoy giving oral sex (don't like receiving), but for my own pleasure I enjoy PIV. I've spoke to him before about the lack of PIV and things change for a short while but then fall into a rut again. There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time. The sheer selfishness around it has really began to get to me so I spoke to him again last night. When I asked directly why he didn't want sex he admitted that he doesn't really enjoy piv and never really has with exs either. He said at times he'll fancy it but mostly doesn't. He admits he has a libido (will masturbate a few times a week) bur doesn't particularly enjoy vaginal sex. Incidentally the porn he watches is nearly all lesbian or blowjobs. Very rarely would he watch heterosexual sex. He's definitely not gay/not having an affair. He says he does still fancy me and thinks I'm attractive but just doesn't want sex. He was quite taken aback at how much the lack of sex bothers me and think he now realises it may become a dealbreaker. He said he will make an effort and did intiate this morning (but of course I came on my period 🙄). I realise there is a bigger issue in regards to the selfishness/lack of consideration etc. But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? Or do you think he's trying to spare my feelings and doesn't fancy me? To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done. He used to climax during piv but hasn't in the past year or so, we normally finish with oral. Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

OP posts:
AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:00

TheWorldisGoingMad · 04/04/2023 14:23

Is it that he prefers anal? Have you asked?

How the fuck is this thought to be normal now?

What the fuck has porn done to our society and sex lives.

Anal used to be for gay men and sex workers who didn't want to get repeatedly pregnant before contraception and some third world countries with no access to contraception.

It's an out hole for shit.

It's more damaging to a woman than a man to revceive.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 04/04/2023 15:00

He sounds selfish!
He gets his enjoyment from a blow job and then thinks it's ok to leave you frustrated!
I wouldn't put up with it personally

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:01

Is it that he prefers anal? Have you asked?

Maybe he'd prefer a large dildo or vibe shoved up his ass - has she asked him that too?

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 15:02

Yes he's intensely selfish.

I'm generally rather critical of cheating but if someone cheated and relayed this background to me, I wouldn't be judging them harshly.

TheMatriarchy · 04/04/2023 15:03

Is he selfish in other ways?
And no oral without PIV first, not negotiable from now on, see how that plays out.

gamerchick · 04/04/2023 15:10

Thing is he's said he doesnt like doing it. I couldnt enjoy something knowing husband wasnt into it.

I think I'd have to make a choice on whether it was a deal-breaker or not.

Bamboux · 04/04/2023 15:11

Antiquiteas · 04/04/2023 12:21

It was a slightly facetious remark in response to suggestions by others that he was gay…

Show quote history

There's plenty of evidence that gay men who haven't admitted it to themselves watch female on female pornography. He's obviously not attracted to real-life female genitals or bodies.

Zanatdy · 04/04/2023 15:12

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 11:37

To be honest, I do find it unusual he's not massively into piv, but then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected? I do wonder if men genuinely enjoy piv as much as we expect them too? Or would they all prefer blowjobs if they could admit to it? As aforementioned, the main issue is his lack of consideration about my needs and happiness. And that will be the dealbreaker as opposed to him not being into sex. But I am curious if there are many other men out there that aren't really into it, but don't feel like they can admit to it

I love receiving oral. Never had it much but the guy I’m seeing at the moment loves giving it. I wish he would shave though as I don’t like the stubble feeling! My ideal would be clean shaven oral!

ConstanceOcean · 04/04/2023 15:18

There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time.

To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done.

These stood out for me.

If he’s doing all of the work then I can see why he’d rather have a BJ.

If I was with someone and I had to do all of the work during sex then I too would get bored very quickly and not bother with it.

Can you not start giving him a BJ then climb on him and have sex with you on top?
You can then finish him off afterwards if needs be.

If PIV is what you enjoy then you are going to be in charge most of the time.

What is he like with foreplay?
It doesn’t have to be oral if you don’t like it but it can be fingers or toys still.

I’ve never heard of anyone not liking PIV and I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t.

hairyunicorn · 04/04/2023 15:25

What is PIV?

FartSock5000 · 04/04/2023 15:25

@TheBlueMouse90 it is unusual that he doesn't enjoy PIV. Gay men, Asexuals or men who have deathgrip from too much porn are those who spring to mind for men who don't like PIV.

The real issue here though is your partner is happy to receive sexual gratification but not to give it.

That is selfish, lazy and a sign he doesn't have much respect for you.

Perhaps if you agree to a sexless marriage this can be overcome but otherwise...Yeah i'd be thinking it's time to end the relationship and find someone who wants to give me pleasure as much as I want to give it to him.

DoctorQuack · 04/04/2023 15:27

@hairyunicorn penis in vagina

dimpleton · 04/04/2023 15:35

Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

Well given you've said he watches porn and masturbates a few times a week I'm not sure why you think that isn't the issue. Sounds highly likely to me.

chipndip · 04/04/2023 15:41

Not all men enjoy PIV because they're lazy and it can require some effort on their part. Also, some men find it hard to climax through PIV as they're used to the sensation of their own hand - an ex of mine always withdrew so he could finish himself off by hand. I hated this, what a way to ruin what up to that point, was always really great sex.

Mostly though, I'm with @FartSock5000: the real issue here though is your partner is happy to receive sexual gratification but not to give it.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2023 15:46

hairyunicorn · 04/04/2023 15:25

What is PIV?

My understanding is that it means "Peonies in vases". Some men just can't admit to liking any kind of flowers as society has taught them this isn't an acceptable way to behave. Sad really.

Original poster
TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 16:14

For a PP who asked about his health, he's quite overweight and would drink a lot on evenings that he's not working. But he's always been overweight/drank too much so unsure that's the issue. I feel like this could possibly be a "me" issue. He did say one time that he feels I'm into him more than he is to me. Which I felt was quite an arrogant thing to say. I used to be infatuated with him years ago but the lack of sex etc doesn't exactly endear me to him. I do love/fancy him but it's definitely waning due to this issue.

OP posts:
Beantag · 04/04/2023 16:18

He did say one time that he feels I'm into him more than he is to me..

What the hell, he says stuff like this to you and is then happy to just recieve oral from you and do nothing for you. Come on OP.

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 16:21

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 16:14

For a PP who asked about his health, he's quite overweight and would drink a lot on evenings that he's not working. But he's always been overweight/drank too much so unsure that's the issue. I feel like this could possibly be a "me" issue. He did say one time that he feels I'm into him more than he is to me. Which I felt was quite an arrogant thing to say. I used to be infatuated with him years ago but the lack of sex etc doesn't exactly endear me to him. I do love/fancy him but it's definitely waning due to this issue.

He is fat, arrogant and sh*t in bed. Dump him. Why the hell have you put up with this. You need to seriously get rid. The man is an absolute prick. It’s not a ‘you’ issue, it’s 100% a him issue. Why is your self worth so low? Focus on that and let him source some other sucker for his bjs.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 04/04/2023 16:24

He sounds quite odious op sorry

myoldmansatrendydustman · 04/04/2023 16:25

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 16:21

He is fat, arrogant and sh*t in bed. Dump him. Why the hell have you put up with this. You need to seriously get rid. The man is an absolute prick. It’s not a ‘you’ issue, it’s 100% a him issue. Why is your self worth so low? Focus on that and let him source some other sucker for his bjs.

Show quote history

This ^^ with big brass knobs on .

It's not your problem, it's his

This guy is a total waste of oxygen in the bedroom.

You can do better than this op.

Dump this waste of space and raise the bar.

MegTilleyslipstick · 04/04/2023 16:28

In my previous marriage, sex waned in frequency and became transactional rather than a way to express our love for each other and to experience that unique closeness and vulnerability you have with a lover. Eventually I began to feel like we were using each other as a masturbation tool. the many unresolved problems in our marriage eventually killed it but this was a clear sign. It sounds as though OP you are in a similar relationship death spiral. If you both have the motivation you may be able to repair it, but it isn't just a question of sexual preference.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:29

He is fat, arrogant and sht in bed.*

This.

I'd add selfish.

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:31

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 16:29

He is fat, arrogant and sht in bed.*

This.

I'd add selfish.

Fat, arrogant, heavy drinking, selfish & shit in bed.

Aaaaandbreathe · 04/04/2023 16:34

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 14:56

then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected?

While some women may not enjoy it even with a skilled partner; mostly it's only lack of skill that dictates liking it or not.

Agreed. I didn't enjoy it with ex partner because he didn't have a clue what he was doing (mostly because he didn't care!)

Subsequent partner...wow. But that was because it's important to him to give as much pleasure as he receives.

swirly456 · 04/04/2023 16:42

What an earth does PIV stand for.?