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Original poster

Do some men not like PIV?

128 replies

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 10:59

Been with DH for 5 years, have a young DD together. For the past year or so our sex life has really dwindled. We very rarely have piv and our sex life mainly consists of me giving him oral. I personally enjoy giving oral sex (don't like receiving), but for my own pleasure I enjoy PIV. I've spoke to him before about the lack of PIV and things change for a short while but then fall into a rut again. There's always excuses not to do it, he's tired, sore back etc. The last time we spoke about it he admitted he just can't be bothered much of the time. The sheer selfishness around it has really began to get to me so I spoke to him again last night. When I asked directly why he didn't want sex he admitted that he doesn't really enjoy piv and never really has with exs either. He said at times he'll fancy it but mostly doesn't. He admits he has a libido (will masturbate a few times a week) bur doesn't particularly enjoy vaginal sex. Incidentally the porn he watches is nearly all lesbian or blowjobs. Very rarely would he watch heterosexual sex. He's definitely not gay/not having an affair. He says he does still fancy me and thinks I'm attractive but just doesn't want sex. He was quite taken aback at how much the lack of sex bothers me and think he now realises it may become a dealbreaker. He said he will make an effort and did intiate this morning (but of course I came on my period 🙄). I realise there is a bigger issue in regards to the selfishness/lack of consideration etc. But my question is, are there men who genuinely don't like PIV? Or do you think he's trying to spare my feelings and doesn't fancy me? To add when we do have sex, I don't take long to climax so it's not like he's spending hours trying to get the job done. He used to climax during piv but hasn't in the past year or so, we normally finish with oral. Before people chime in about death grip I'm not convinced that's an issue either

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 04/04/2023 13:08

@TheBlueMouse90
Sex should be about mutual pleasure, he has gaslit you into being his free sex worker,
I would be checking out and finding something better 👀

7millionIcanhandlethat · 04/04/2023 13:09

I'm actually outraged that this man is that lazy. I don't even know why it's bothered me so;but it has!!! Couldn't blow a dude like that. And I'm wondering how on earth it is that u do?!!!!!

Naunet · 04/04/2023 13:15

Jesus fucking Christ, I cannot believe you’re settling for this selfish lazy pig. Does he try and sort you out after you’ve given him head or is that your job? I don’t care how much you like giving him head OP (and it’s something I enjoy giving too), unless you have a clit in your throat, it’s not satisfying you in any way.

He thinks sex is all about his pleasure and his orgasm, how can you accept that? Maybe because you seem to agree with him to a degree, you’re happy to be used to get him off because you apparently enjoy it so much and then you go away and sort yourself out because apparently that’s better anyway.How much effort does he make to give you any pleasure?

Riapia · 04/04/2023 13:30

How does he feel about PIA?

Puckthemagicdragon · 04/04/2023 13:37

He's straight up lazy. Withdraw blowjobs and see what happens.

Thesharkradar · 04/04/2023 13:41

You're just some sort of human Swiss army knife for him @TheBlueMouse90 you suck his dick, look after his children, cook his food, do his washing, all for free.
And he doesn't even have to do anything in return, because you're kidding yourself that you're getting something out of sucking his dick.
He'll be saying whatever he thinks will keep you sweet so he can stay on this lovely lovely gravy train.

JKTrolling · 04/04/2023 13:43

Not everyone likes the same things. Some men don’t enjoy PIV. Some women don’t like giving oral sex. No one should be forced into sex or made to feel bad for their preferences. You are no more entitled to his dick in your vagina as he is entitled to your body.

Naunet · 04/04/2023 13:51

JKTrolling · 04/04/2023 13:43

Not everyone likes the same things. Some men don’t enjoy PIV. Some women don’t like giving oral sex. No one should be forced into sex or made to feel bad for their preferences. You are no more entitled to his dick in your vagina as he is entitled to your body.

In a healthy relationship sexual pleasure isn’t a one way street. Yes he can have his own preferences, but this guy is just a selfish prick who thinks sex revolves around his orgasm, hers doesn’t even seem to cross his mind.

piedbeauty · 04/04/2023 13:52

I've never met a man who didn't enjoy PIV 🤔

He sounds incredibly lazy. What a turn-off. I'd stop the blow jobs.

Beantag · 04/04/2023 14:01

Personally I have never met a man who doesn't enjoy it, but it doesn't surprise me at all that some don't. It does sound epically crap for you though, suits him nicely you have a kink for giving him pleasure and he does absolutely fuck all in return and makes zero effort. Of course no one should be forced to do anything sexually that they don't want to, but I'd see us as incompatible if this was me. Does he do anything at all to give you pleasure?! Plenty of ways other than oral or PIV.

Original poster
TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 14:16

To clarify, he absolutely does not owe me sex, but the issue is he simply doesn't seem to consider or care about my pleasure. It's utterly ridiculous to suggest he's being coerced or that it's akin to rape as one PP stated. I'm sure there are plenty of women who don't enjoy sex but do it anyway at times for a harmonious relationship.

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 04/04/2023 14:21

he simply doesn't seem to consider or care about my pleasure
The word 'seem' does not belong in this sentence!
Wake up, you're just a masturbation appliance to him, not a person with needs and feelings.
Tell him to take up yoga so he can suck his own dick.

TheWorldisGoingMad · 04/04/2023 14:23

Is it that he prefers anal? Have you asked?

Original poster
TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 14:26

No he doesn't prefer anal. We've tried it a few times but he wasn't massively keen on it. He didn't hate it but nor did he really enjoy it

OP posts:
StopStartStop · 04/04/2023 14:31

He doesn't want to shag you, so leave him. I understand completely the joy of giving a man a mutually satisfying blow job, but if he's getting what he wants and isn't giving you what you need then you have to look elsewhere. And unless you really like it, save your arse for shitting. Women these days put up with such nonsense.

Circumferences · 04/04/2023 14:34

My ex didn't like PIV.
He knew I liked it though. So he would do piv for me to get my pleasure then sort of roll into a position that involved fellatio or just him wanking on me. So at least he wasn't totally lazy.
Did find it weird that he couldn't complete inside me. Thankfully we broke up before the issue of marriage/TTC came up that'd been very difficult!

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 14:38

Your husband dgaf about anything but his own pleasure. Sorry it’s really odd for a man to be so reluctant to engage in PIV sex, although it is true that some men do say they prefer other kinds of sex. Really the issue is your husband’s porn habit and how it’s infiltrated your sexual life. He needs to reduce or ideally remove porn from his sex life. Sex to him is about him orgasming, not about connection or the love between you. I would go to a sex therapist. His porn preferences really shouldn’t be such a huge thing in your relationship, it’s displaced sex with you.

MaireadMcSweeney · 04/04/2023 14:38

Is he fat or unfit? PIV takes a fair bit of stamina and fitness and there are plenty of men who just can't be arsed. Their libido may still be there but they would rather have a BJ or a wank than go to the trouble.
Your DH sounds lazy and boring in bed.

Thesharkradar · 04/04/2023 14:42

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 14:26

No he doesn't prefer anal. We've tried it a few times but he wasn't massively keen on it. He didn't hate it but nor did he really enjoy it

He doesn't want anything that involves any effort or exertion on his part
He just wants to be serviced but he doesn't want to have to spend money on a sex worker so he gaslights you so that you'll do it for free

Comii9 · 04/04/2023 14:48

To answer your question I like receiving oral BUT I have to be comfortable to be able to enjoy it properly. It can be a struggle to relax.

You need to STOP oral for your DH it's becoming an issue. He can't be bothered because he's getting oral. Stop it off I couldn't give oral.... if someone was being one sided.

TomatoSandwiches · 04/04/2023 14:48

If he doesn't care about your sexual pleasure then why are you OK with letting him use your mouth as a receptacle?

He doesn't respect you to do this.

Leave him and find a man who will happily shag you senseless and bestow you with the orgasms you deserve.

Tibtilkobkob · 04/04/2023 14:50

TheBlueMouse90 · 04/04/2023 11:37

To be honest, I do find it unusual he's not massively into piv, but then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected? I do wonder if men genuinely enjoy piv as much as we expect them too? Or would they all prefer blowjobs if they could admit to it? As aforementioned, the main issue is his lack of consideration about my needs and happiness. And that will be the dealbreaker as opposed to him not being into sex. But I am curious if there are many other men out there that aren't really into it, but don't feel like they can admit to it

Society does not 'make believe' that women like receiving oral. Most women enjoy receiving oral because physiologically it just feels good to most of us. For the same reason that most men enjoy receiving oral. The clitoris is pretty much a penis in miniature why wouldn't it feel good to have someone lick it?
You do you and if you don't like it it's fine but I can tell you I don't like it because it's expected I like it because it feels good.
I think piv would usually be the preference. Your husband just sounds lazy.

Comii9 · 04/04/2023 14:50

StopStartStop · 04/04/2023 14:31

He doesn't want to shag you, so leave him. I understand completely the joy of giving a man a mutually satisfying blow job, but if he's getting what he wants and isn't giving you what you need then you have to look elsewhere. And unless you really like it, save your arse for shitting. Women these days put up with such nonsense.

Brutal 🤣🤣 valid points though

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 14:55

Whattt44 · 04/04/2023 11:01

I personally have never met a man who doesn't like it.

This.ive never met a man who didn't prefer it to anything else, with perhaps oral on him coming close (but would not have not had piv as well).

AprilFool23 · 04/04/2023 14:56

then society also makes up believe that women love receiving oral. I personally hate it and always have done. I wonder how many women genuinely enjoy receiving oral and how much like it because it's expected?

While some women may not enjoy it even with a skilled partner; mostly it's only lack of skill that dictates liking it or not.

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