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Original poster

Bf doesn't go out on his own and seems to think I shouldn't either

146 replies

AprilFool23 · 02/04/2023 18:14

Bf (45, me 36) of 3/4 months has made it clear he doesn't go out socially on his own and thinks this is appropriate in a relationship.

He seems to think I should also take this approach.

His main explanation seems to be he thinks it's "unfair" on the other person.

We don't live together obviously but even if we did, I wasn't expecting to not go out socially once inna while on my way own (girls night out, catch up, even potential work social thing).

He says this was the status quo, as such, in his most significant relationship.

I find it all a bit strange. At best lacking independence and boring; at worst controlling (?)

Also "not fair on his gf/partner" for him to go out; sounds like he thinks he'll have a like of ladies flirting, touching him up and trying to take him home lol. He's not unattractive but really .....I don't get the reverse at nearly a decade younger and ok looking.

OP posts:
bingbangbongding · 03/04/2023 23:59

Leave, ref flag.

Tryphenia · 04/04/2023 00:09

AprilFool23 · 02/04/2023 18:49

he knows damn well that isn’t how other people behave.

I'm not saying he's in any way right, but his family seem to act that way too. They seem to do everything in couples. It's a bit Father Ted (we are in Ireland). Maybe that's why he thinks it's normal.

The only couple in Father Ted (other than Ted and Dougal) were John and Mary, the married couple continually beating and haranguing one another.

I’m Irish, as is DH, and no one I know is like this. In fact, your boyfriend would be horrified by us. DH was out to dinner tonight with a longterm female friend who’s just moved back to the area, and I go on holiday with male friends. No one has fallen into anyone’s underwear in 30 years.

WhatFreshHeckle · 04/04/2023 08:09

I'm also Irish - that isn't normal. I fact, the laws in NI (which, if anything, has a reputation for being more parochial and less progressive than ROI) are extremely strict about coercive control. So don't let him make you think this is the norm and that you don't understand as you aren't Irish (assuming you aren't)

qpmz · 04/04/2023 08:14

Given that you don't live together, just carry on going out with who you want when you want. If it pisses him off, tough luck!

NotAnotherBathBomb · 04/04/2023 08:14

Well luckily it's only been a few months and you're not married or pregnant. Please leave and don't do either of those things. You may be telling him now now, but he will wear you down. Especially as the relationship progresses and you eventually move in together. The closer he gets to you, the harder it will be to keep fighting it.

QueefQueen80s · 04/04/2023 11:23

Why are you even with someone 10 years older?

Titanosaurus · 04/04/2023 12:37

No, no, no

Keep your freedom

Bepis · 04/04/2023 13:08

QueefQueen80s · 04/04/2023 11:23

Why are you even with someone 10 years older?

10 years is nothing when you are both adults.

QueefQueen80s · 04/04/2023 17:20

But usually it's the man older, wanting a younger woman, trading in the wife.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 04/04/2023 17:24

Kind of him to show you a red flag the size of a hot air balloon.

I feel stifled just reading your opening post. I'd get dumping.

IncompleteSenten · 04/04/2023 17:24

Huge red flags.
He's

IncompleteSenten · 04/04/2023 17:27

Whoops.

He's testing the water here.

Shouldn't go out without him
Then comes comments about what you wear.
Then any male friends you may have.
Then your female friends are a bad influence.
Before you know it, your world is reduced to him and you don't even remember who you used to be.

AnOldCynic · 04/04/2023 20:01

As others have said, run.

But what would be fascinating would be to see is a fella like this coming on to a thread like this to justify why he thinks this is anyway acceptable.

bingbangbongding · 18/04/2023 16:48

How's things going @AprilFool23 ? Did things settle down or did you discuss with him?

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 18/04/2023 16:59

Definatly run a mile from this one. At 3-4 months in, you're only seeing the tip of the controlling iceberg. It'll only get worse from here

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 17:03

He’s scared you will meet someone else so he’s decided controlling and isolating you is his safest choice.

and any man who describes all his exes in negative terms you need to run like fuck from. Especially when he pulls this shit.

Original poster
AprilFool23 · 18/04/2023 17:37

bingbangbongding · 18/04/2023 16:48

How's things going @AprilFool23 ? Did things settle down or did you discuss with him?

We ended up finishing.

Sad but ..

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilFool23 · 18/04/2023 17:41

AnOldCynic · 04/04/2023 20:01

As others have said, run.

But what would be fascinating would be to see is a fella like this coming on to a thread like this to justify why he thinks this is anyway acceptable.

Oh I frequent a male dominated fitness forum where red pill, MRA views are common and they feel perfectly entitled & wise in similar values/approaches to his. They just think they'll keep at it til they get a woman who'll go along with it; in their view that's a good woman.

OP posts:
TempNCforthis · 18/04/2023 17:42

It's a relief to know you're no longer together. He would've been a nightmare.

Are you free to move areas? It sounds like a fresh start might be just what you need.

tailinthejam · 18/04/2023 18:11

Stuff that for a game of soldiers. Who put him in charge of you? Ruddy cheek.

This one's going nowhere fast.

Nanny0gg · 19/04/2023 08:57

AprilFool23 · 02/04/2023 18:42

I wasn't going to consider stopping going out on my own for a second; but was not going to end the relationship either.
I thought it might be due to his past experiences, or a different type of relationship/dynamic etc. he was used to, and maybe he just needed to see that I'm ok with two way separate socialising, he's not going to get any hassle from me about it, and that I'm going to do myself.

But the consensus seems to be I should end it, and not see if it can be resolved.

Can't see why you can't try and resolve it.

If he won't listen and sticks to his guns, or quizzes you when you do go out then there's your answer

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