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Original poster

Hygiene affecting relationship

120 replies

Cappuccino17 · 01/04/2023 14:21

I like to keep my home clean and have certain rules these include,
Washing hands when coming in to the home from outside.
Washing hands before eating.
Changing in to fresh clothing when we have been out, for example the park, playcentres, school.
When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.
Washing hands after bringing the bin in.

Now this somehow affects my marriage. My husband forgets to wash his hands after bringing the bin for example and it gives me high anxiety. Or after work he will slouch on the sofa in his work clothes and i hate it!
I feel we are very different as he is a bit laid back about this stuff. I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Do i have an issue or is my husband being unreasonable? I think this is basic hygiene.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 01/04/2023 14:23

With all due respect, you have an issue. Have you sought any help with this? Has it been an issue prior to Covid?

FelicityBeedle · 01/04/2023 14:24

They are unreasonable expectations. Ok washing hands after taking the bin out fair enough, although overkill considering you don’t really touch the contents. But the constant disinfecting and changing clothes isn’t normal.

WeWereInParis · 01/04/2023 14:24

You are not unreasonable about the bins. And I think plenty of people have a rule to wash hands before eating.

But him wearing his work clothes - what does he do for work? Are they particularly dirty, or is it just clothes that have been worn out that you don't like?

I wouldn't wash a blanket used once, or spray down the sofa after guests.

Berlinlover · 01/04/2023 14:24

Were you like this before Covid? To be honest living with you would drive me insane.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:26

Yes you sound rather frought. If you tried to tell me not to sit on my sofa in my work clothes, I'd tell you to beat it. See also being a hand washing monitor.
Nope.

Fairislefandango · 01/04/2023 14:26

You are completely unreasonable. This is not a normal way to live. If I were your husband, I wouldn't be forgetting to follow your rules, I'd be refusing to.

Boltonb · 01/04/2023 14:26

You have an issue, that you probably need professional help with.

I thought this would be a thread about a smelly partner who doesn’t shower or brush his teeth etc etc

WeWereInParis · 01/04/2023 14:27

WeWereInParis · 01/04/2023 14:24

You are not unreasonable about the bins. And I think plenty of people have a rule to wash hands before eating.

But him wearing his work clothes - what does he do for work? Are they particularly dirty, or is it just clothes that have been worn out that you don't like?

I wouldn't wash a blanket used once, or spray down the sofa after guests.

Although having said that I don't think it's ok to enforce that hand washing before eating rule on another adult. You can tell a young child to wash their hands before eating.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:27

Fairislefandango · 01/04/2023 14:26

You are completely unreasonable. This is not a normal way to live. If I were your husband, I wouldn't be forgetting to follow your rules, I'd be refusing to.

Exactly. I'd stand up to your control.

Azandme · 01/04/2023 14:27

I have diagnosed and medicated OCD and even I think you're waaaay over the top with some of those things.

Changing clothes? Spraying down furniture? That was me at my worst.

You need to speak to someone.

areyousittingontheremote · 01/04/2023 14:28

I’m 41 and have only ever washed my hands after pooing or my hands are actually dirty or sticky

other than that I never wash them

it’s important to have a microbiome on your hands and to build the immune system

I rarely get sick

do you get sick a lot OP?

Hbh17 · 01/04/2023 14:29

You are way too rigid with your rules. This isn't good hygiene, but instead sounds like some kind of disordered thinking. I couldn't live with someone who had all these rules and restrictions, so please seek some help and stop telling your husband what to do.

Dery · 01/04/2023 14:30

What you describe is not basic hygiene - it’s excessive. Washing hands after handling the bins and before eating - yes - and after toileting, of course. The rest is over the top and suggests you have a touch of OCD.

You should also bear in mind that a lot of human resistance requires some exposure to germs. My understanding is that creating a sterile home environment increases the chance of allergies etc because of the lack of exposure to normal dirt.

Gladiaterf · 01/04/2023 14:30

Washing your hands after bringing the bin in is understandable.

But changing clothes when you've been to the park/spraying down the sofa after guests have been is completely barking mad.

It sounds like you need to see your GP to discuss OCD tendencies.

Botw1 · 01/04/2023 14:33

You are bring ridiculously ott.

No wonder your oh ignores you.

You're going to pass your neurosis on to your kids

greenspaces4peace · 01/04/2023 14:35

Sounds like a great April Fools joke!

  1. it would be a cold day in hell before I washed my hands more…
  2. laundry laundry laundry, no no and no.
  3. spray?? breathing in that stuff will kill you.
Blackbirdblue30 · 01/04/2023 14:37

This is OTT I think. Hand washing after the bins, the loo and around food/eating is normal good hygiene. Washing blankets after guests and not allowing your husband to sit in his work clothes, (unless he's doing a 'dirty' job), has crossed the line into obsessive. Is this to do with Covid?

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 01/04/2023 14:39

We had a neighbour similar to you. All kids had to shower as soon as they came in.
Her mother was the same apparently

gamerchick · 01/04/2023 14:41

The first 3 and the last one are normal

The rest isnt OP. You must feel a high level of anxiety most of the time and it's coming out in funny ways.

TheFeistyFeminist · 01/04/2023 14:41

I think you're verging on having a problem, OP.

I wash my hands after dirty tasks e.g. cleaning in the kitchen, because I don't like how my hands feel unless they are clean. That might well be a sensory processing thing.

I change when I get home from being out e.g. work, mostly because I'd rather laze around in trackies than in work clothes. I'm perfectly capable off sitting on the sofa in what I've worn all day.

Trying to enforce your rules on others is a quick way to making yourself unhappy. But it sounds like you're already unhappy and you're either anxious about health or trying to control your environment. Does anything in particular feel out of control in your life?

Channellingsophistication · 01/04/2023 14:43

I agree this is too much and unreasonable expectations! I’d wash hands after putting bin out but not spray down sofa after someone been in or change clothes after being out just to the park.

Monoprix · 01/04/2023 14:46

People like you should live alone with their craziness, not affecting other normal people.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 14:47

Changing your clothes because you’ve been out isn’t basic hygiene, it’s bonkers.
Come on now.

Or is this a lame arsed wind up I’m responding to?

DigitalTranny · 01/04/2023 14:47

I think it’s it’s an April’s fool joke.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/04/2023 14:50

Cappuccino17 · 01/04/2023 14:21

I like to keep my home clean and have certain rules these include,
Washing hands when coming in to the home from outside.
Washing hands before eating.
Changing in to fresh clothing when we have been out, for example the park, playcentres, school.
When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.
Washing hands after bringing the bin in.

Now this somehow affects my marriage. My husband forgets to wash his hands after bringing the bin for example and it gives me high anxiety. Or after work he will slouch on the sofa in his work clothes and i hate it!
I feel we are very different as he is a bit laid back about this stuff. I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Do i have an issue or is my husband being unreasonable? I think this is basic hygiene.

Fine:
Washing hands before eating.
Washing hands after bringing the bin in.

Unneccesary:
Washing hands when coming in to the home from outside.
Changing in to fresh clothing when we have been out, for example the park, playcentres, school.

Batshit:
When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.

And you say your "rules" include the above - so there are more "rules" than these, aren't there? Maybe you've left off the minor ones I'd include under 'fine', but maybe they'd be rules I'd consider batshit too.

Having "high anxiety" should your husband forget to wash his hands after bringing in the bin - yes, you have an issue.

"Now this somehow affects my marriage."
Somehow? 'Somehow' is a word you use when you don't see the connection between cause and effect. You do see it, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread. You're definitely minimising, describing this as 'basic hygiene'.

What has your husband said, since it's his marriage too and I'm guessing that has prompted this thread?

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