Hygiene affecting relationship

[Cappuccino17]

I like to keep my home clean and have certain rules these include,
Washing hands when coming in to the home from outside.
Washing hands before eating.
Changing in to fresh clothing when we have been out, for example the park, playcentres, school.
When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.
Washing hands after bringing the bin in.

Now this somehow affects my marriage. My husband forgets to wash his hands after bringing the bin for example and it gives me high anxiety. Or after work he will slouch on the sofa in his work clothes and i hate it!
I feel we are very different as he is a bit laid back about this stuff. I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Do i have an issue or is my husband being unreasonable? I think this is basic hygiene.

Sounds like OCD?

Absolute bonkers what you’re doing! Not normal at all, you need to get some help.

I thought OP’ husband didn’t shower or brush his teeth regularly..
then I read the bonkers shite she wrote..

I think you have a problem that you need professional help with. Washing hands before eating/after using the toilet/after bringing the bin in is fine. The rest of it is excessive and not healthy. Please seek support so you can find a better balance.

Verging on a problem? It's far beyond verging on one. How dare she make such unreasonable demands in someone's own home, telling him what he can wear etc. If this was a reverse and it was a man, people would be screaming coercive control and abuse and frankly I'd agree. I don't know how he hasn't left!

You sound similar to me when my anxiety is unmedicated.

I have to change into clean clothes when I've been outside, no outside clothes on the bed or the sofa, can't leave the bedroom once I'm showered and in my pyjamas, I have to clean the bathroom or antibac spray the sofa is someone visiting has used the bathroom.

It's not healthy and not normal (apart from washing hands before eating and after touching the bins) and I think you probably need to get help for your anxiety.

This is extreme. You change your entire outfit after going to the park?

Washing hands after dealing with bins is basic hygiene. The rest of the rules you enforce is craziness. You need help with your OCD before it rubs off on your kids and ruins your marriage.

Fine to wash hands after being out or before eating. The rest is over the top and verging on problematic.

Unless you never go out or you haven't discussed these things with your husband you must know you have an issue.

You can get help for these things.

What do you spray a sofa with?

Please seek help, OP. What you’re describing is OCD. It’s treatable. Untreated, you will create excessive anxiety in your children and possibly ruin your marriage.

Yeah, you have an issue. With the exception of the bin thing, that's all excessive.

You have an issue. Have a chat with your GP as these things tend to get worse.

Washing hands before eating or after taking out the bins - fine.

Washing clothes after you’ve been anywhere, spraying sofas friends have used - not normal and not necessary.

You do need to encounter some germs OP - children who live in overly clean homes have higher rates of asthma, because their immune systems aren’t tuned enough. The chemicals in cleaning products aren’t good for them or the environment.

your poor husband.

As someone with anxiety related compulsive behaviour around hygiene / contamination, I do think you’d benefit from seeing a professional to work out why you feel this way and what it is specifically that bothers you. I feel your pain. Other people going in my kitchen cupboards raises my heart rate, but it shouldn’t. All the best x

Th issue is definitely with you. To be blunt, you need medical help, because it’s not normal.

Apart from spraying the furniture I’m with you.I have strict rules on hand washing and anything coming into the house has to be decontaminated.

As an avid hand washer/neat freak with OCD tendencies myself, OP, you need some help. Even I don’t come close to reaching your expectations.

I agree with you, though I do wash my hands more often than just after having a dump as I work outside and get can get really muddy and/or sappy. I am rarely ill.

A few years ago I discussed antibacterial spray with a family member who is a GP and he said this:

The skin supports a rich diversity of normal flora, like a rain forest, and left undisturbed it is self-regulating and will eliminate pathogens in a very short time. Once you start putting antiseptics on it you disrupt the balance and the nasties may thrive. This makes sense if you consider the effect of eliminating a major predator from a locality.... buggers everything up. I decided that washing is OK for social reasons, so that your hands don't look filthy at dinner time for instance, but beyond that it's a waste of time and may be harmful. But having said that, damaged skin does need extra care, and cuts and burns need attention of course. However, spraying antiseptics around is just daft.

OP, I think you need to chill out a bit and give your cleaning regime some serious reconsideration.

meeting your expectations, that should read. I’m with you in the hand washing. But the rest is exhausting.

anything coming into the house has to be decontaminated

Good grief, do you live in a sewage works or something?

That sounds like a lot of effort. I can't think those standards are normal OP. You spray down sofas? using what? Changing clothes that often sounds like a waste of time, energy, soap powder and basically wasting your life away. What is the point in all this faffing around?

You are WAY over the top and I feel sorry for your husband.

The issue is you.