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Original poster

Hygiene affecting relationship

120 replies

Cappuccino17 · 01/04/2023 14:21

I like to keep my home clean and have certain rules these include,
Washing hands when coming in to the home from outside.
Washing hands before eating.
Changing in to fresh clothing when we have been out, for example the park, playcentres, school.
When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.
Washing hands after bringing the bin in.

Now this somehow affects my marriage. My husband forgets to wash his hands after bringing the bin for example and it gives me high anxiety. Or after work he will slouch on the sofa in his work clothes and i hate it!
I feel we are very different as he is a bit laid back about this stuff. I am on the other end of the spectrum.

Do i have an issue or is my husband being unreasonable? I think this is basic hygiene.

OP posts:
MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 01/04/2023 15:48

I should imagine that treating family like they're industrial waste would cause issues in a marriage. Your family must be saints putting up with that.

Bananalanacake · 01/04/2023 15:49

Do you also wash all the bedding after one night and towels after one use, you must do over 2 loads a day.

AlbertaAnnie · 01/04/2023 15:52

I think you need to speak to someone- some of this is reasonable but most is extreme- I would also ignore you

Lcb123 · 01/04/2023 15:56

Washing hands after bins or before eating, fine. The other things are not usual. I think you need to seek some support to change these expectations.

BellePeppa · 01/04/2023 15:58

You have issues. This isn’t the usual way people behave. Your husband would have valid reasons for bailing out of this marriage if you don’t sort yourself out.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 01/04/2023 16:01

Oh wow, this is way over the top.

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 01/04/2023 16:05

I'd wash my hands after handling the bins, and I'd wash my hands before making food.

I wouldn't wash my hands on entering my home, unless there was a specific reason, and I wouldn't disinfect sofas or wash blankets after I'd had guests. I wouldn't have ever thought about that.

Mischance · 01/04/2023 16:08

I think you need to speak to your doctor. Your OP asks if you have an "issue" - you do, and only you can deal with it.

TommyNever · 01/04/2023 16:09

I usually change my clothes after returning from outings, but not for reasons of hygiene. I have "village clothes" (which are good clothes that I want to preserve in fine condition) and "home clothes" which are just comfortable but rather raggy stuff for relaxing in.

Nanny0gg · 01/04/2023 16:12

areyousittingontheremote · 01/04/2023 14:28

I’m 41 and have only ever washed my hands after pooing or my hands are actually dirty or sticky

other than that I never wash them

it’s important to have a microbiome on your hands and to build the immune system

I rarely get sick

do you get sick a lot OP?

That's the other extreme!

You should was after every toilet visit and before preparing food. Also bin emptying and gardening.

Spottycarousel · 01/04/2023 16:14

Sounds like you have obsessive compulsive disorder which stems from anxiety.

Mari9999 · 01/04/2023 16:15

Your expectations are your expectations, but they are not universal expectations. They are perfectly acceptable rules for you to self-impose in "your house "; they may be less reasonable to impose in an" our house. "

In my opinion ,your expectations on hand washing are spot on, but your opinion on the changing of clothes.may be difficult to impose and even more difficult to enforce.

Is it possible that while you find your husband's failure to comply difficult to deal with, he may find your rigidity equally hard to accept?

MrNook · 01/04/2023 16:17

areyousittingontheremote · 01/04/2023 14:28

I’m 41 and have only ever washed my hands after pooing or my hands are actually dirty or sticky

other than that I never wash them

it’s important to have a microbiome on your hands and to build the immune system

I rarely get sick

do you get sick a lot OP?

Do you not wash your hands after a wee?

MamaBear1111 · 01/04/2023 16:19

YABU. You need to get some help for possible OCD

Bloomingcancer · 01/04/2023 16:19

gosh, we’ve a very sick person in our house and yes I like to wash my hands after being out and definitely after doing the bins but the rest is a bit much. Unless he’s a very dirty and manual job I think you’re being a bit OTT.

gently suggest you need to chat this through with someone as others have said. Hope you find some help 💐💐

literalviolence · 01/04/2023 16:20

You have an issue. Will you consider getting help?

literalviolence · 01/04/2023 16:21

MrNook · 01/04/2023 16:17

Do you not wash your hands after a wee?

Show quote history

Or handling raw meat?

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 01/04/2023 16:25

I thought washing hands after being out was normal.
I will certainly continue it as some posters on here don’t even wash their hands after a wee…gross! If ive been out touching doors, handles etc i don’t want other people’s piss on my hands thanks! Same people who always pop up on MN saying they shower weekly and don’t stink (you do).

However the spraying down sofas (how?) and washing blankets is excessive. Maybe some help would make your life less stressful.

UnDruidlyWords · 01/04/2023 16:34

literalviolence · 01/04/2023 16:21

Or handling raw meat?

Show quote history

The poster is very clear that they wash their hands if they're "actually dirty or sticky".

FictionalCharacter · 01/04/2023 16:35

That’s hot just hygiene, it’s way OTT. I’ve never heard of anyone spraying down a sofa just because guests have used it. It’s completely unnecessary to change clothes just because you’ve been outdoors. What do you think the air in parks etc is contaminated with and what would happen if you wore the same clothes indoors?
Sorry but I think you have a problem and I don’t think it’s good for children to be brought up thinking this is normal.

Irisheyesareshining · 01/04/2023 16:36

Happy April Fool’s day , if this isn’t a joke it needs to be 😂

cocksstrideintheevening · 01/04/2023 16:38

First happy 1st April

Second if this is real, you need professional help for your OCD

Justalittlebitduckling · 01/04/2023 16:38

To me this is an unreasonable level of expectation that goes beyond standard hygiene.

butterfliedtwo · 01/04/2023 16:41

When someone comes over and after they leave i spray down sofas etc. If they have used blankets i wash them.

Completely over the top. Also, if someone told me that I had to change my clothes before sitting down on the sofa in my own home, I'd honestly tell them to stop being so controlling.

MrNook · 01/04/2023 16:44

Irisheyesareshining · 01/04/2023 16:36

Happy April Fool’s day , if this isn’t a joke it needs to be 😂

That's really unkind to someone who's clearly struggling with their mental health, anxiety and OCD is not a joke. I've experienced similar to OP and it takes over your life.