Fabulous guy but..

[cheesecadet]

So you love everything you've seen so far (relationship of 2 months) and he shows you some photos on his phone, but tells you he had to delete the filth that his mates send him (says he deletes it straight away normally). When I ask him what filth he says, for example a normal comedy clip which turns into porn at the end as a joke. Also his friends share stuff on the Xbox. What would you think?
Can't help feeling disappointed really and surprised as he didn't see the type. Says he doesn't send it, they send it to him.
Thoughts anyone?

We all have our own individual boundaries and values. It's up to you to decide if this crosses yours and you're unable to come back from it.

That said, I would acknowledge the text but say you need to process everything and want time to think.

If it's not something you can stomach and will make you paranoid about his phone use, then it's not worth it. You'll end up feeling on edge and wondering what he's being sent. It may eat away at trusting him eventually. And, will or from the sounds of it has already changed your opinion about him.

At this early stage it's down to you to decide whether its worth seeing what happens or not.

Hea in control of the friends he chooses though.

It’s funny , I saw it more of a red flag that he got teary about it when it’s such a new relationship .

just take it all slow and see what happens.

Yeh, it’d put me off too, it’s too immature and I couldn’t be done with his mates if that’s the kind of guys they are but obviously couldn’t avoid seeing them.

If his friends enjoy this kind of banter how will you feel if he goes away with them on a lad's night out or a stag do? You will wonder what he's getting up to.

Yeah the teary reaction actually is a bit more off putting

But bullshit to all men send misogynistic porn to each other.

These are his friends. This is who he associates with as he has lots in common with.

I met the most respectable looking ceo of a pharma company once. All fine wine and expensive tastes. But yeah his mates would send porn crap to each other. Just ick. It shows you how he really values women.

As pp said, all men do this

No, they don't.

What with that and the tears, it would be a no from me.

OP, there are many, many men out there who would be excellent partners for you, and who don't receive "hilarious" porn videos or burst into tears when challenged about it. In fact, I'd swerve any grown man who played on an X Box.

Omg just have courage in your convictions. If this is not OK for you then that's a legitimate reason to be put off and leave.
If it doesn't bother you then don't let it bother you.
It makes not a jot of difference what we think or feel about this. It's not us dating him.

If he’s teary at this what will he be like in a real disagreement? Lots of snot and man baby faces I imagine. And maybe the occasional loud sob.

If he was 25 I would say it's likely there a couple of immature pals in his group.

If he's 55 and still has friends like that in his orbit then that's a really good indication of who he is and a red flag

It’s not true that all men send stuff like that to each other. Why hasn’t he told his friends not to send it which would be the obvious thing to do. Why has he told you about it? There is something not quite right about it. It’s also very immature.

Sadly, I think this is large nymber of men, sadly.
But, still. This would be a no-no for me personally.
Can’t stand these kind of misogynistic and toxic men.
Porn watching men is an absolute deal-breaker, wost kind of men out there.

It would put me off for sure.
"All men do it" is absolute nonsense too.
It just shows an immaturity and a childish lack of respect for women that I would find massively off putting. They are meant to be grown men ffs.
As you say, even if he doesn't send it, he is engaging with it and isn't putting a stop to it. The company people keep says a lot about them in my opinion.
So it wouldn't be for me, but as a PP said, ultimately it is a personal choice. Much like watching porn or going to strip clubs, it will be one of those divisive things that would bother some people more than others so it is up to you how much it bothers you and whether it is a deal breaker. But whatever way you go, you don't need to justify that choice.

@CantAskAnyoneElse

Porn watching men is an absolute deal-breaker, wost kind of men out there.

You may hate porn, and that's fair enough, but to say they are all the "worst kind of men" is just hopelessly naive...

How can you all say 'it's not true all men do it'? If her boyfriend deletes them why can't your boyfriend and OH delete then too? I've literally been sat in our local and all the men was passing some porn/video round everyone sat having a good old watch. No matter how lovely or how In love with you your partner is,they do it!!!

Can you tell him how you feel, and see how he responds?

Whatever.
I have no interest in what porn apologists have to say.

@Watchkeys I have, and he said that he was sorry if it upset me and that he doesn't send any and deletes. We've been very open with how amazing we've thought things are going, felt better connected than we have with anyone before. He doesn't want my opinion of him to change, and he cares about me so much.

Well, that’s revolting.
Did you say something?

And also said seemingly really sincerely that he'll show me that he's not like that.

You’re husband sounds like a spineless dim wit.

All men do not do this. It’s weird and gross.

….It’s only been two months….
I mean, this is who he is.
And it’s probably only the tip of the iceburg.
You don’t just have friends who send this stuff and that’s it, this is a big part of his life.
He cand shed few crocodile tears, but he was fine with it, until he found out you weren’t impressed.
Also, him being on so strong could be a red flag, again it’s only been two months.

I have a female friend who sends me d* pics men send her.

Tbh I do see it as hugely immature and it would put me off.

Videos like that are pretty common. Rightly or wrongly.

It's a no from me. He's got a built in excuse for any dodgy behaviour. "Oh it's just my mates lol".

Have some standards. NAMALT