Upset about DH comments and weight - feeling so down

[Bluebelle82]

I am in my 40s, 5.5" and size 12 / BMI 27 - short legs so I always look a bit stocky. I have the usual story - I put on 1.5 stone after 2xDC and have wobbly arms and a bit of mum-tum. My DH is very lean and fit. I have lost 0.5 stone over the last few years and am aiming to shed another stone. I keep saying this whenever asked but It has been very up and down - I struggle with addiction to sugar.

Anyway, I wore a pair of trousers today which maybe weren't the most flattering and DH is now demanding that I give him a plan of how I am going to loose more weight because "he needs to know". He says he can't stay married to someone who is fat.

I feel like such a failure. I don't know what to say. I feel like there is now this deadline hanging over me and I am going to fail. I don't know what to tell him!
The other thing that makes me sad is that I saw some photos of myself taken 15 years ago when at the time I felt equally unattractive and stodgy because of unkind things people had said - and now I look at the photos think I looked lovely. I feel so sad about how I felt at the time.

I want to loose the weight for me - I genuinely want to go back to being fit and healthy. But I hate the thought that my marriage depends on this. Also, can a 40+ year old woman ever fully loose the tummy after two pregnancies in later 30s. Any advice out there? Or anyone who can just cheer me up?

Your husband is a cunt.

Second that. That's awful.

This

Well that's a start I guess!

What a rude fucker, tell him you aren't sure you can stay married to someone who at 40+ is lacking basic social skills.

He's probably saying that in that way on purpose to make you feel bad, just so you know. Your body is doing its job and is taking you through life, and has given you two beautiful children. Try not to let that miserable bastard make you feel bad about yourself. I've just started reading a book by Victoria Smith, and she discusses how we view our bodies in middle age, maybe pick it up, it will give you fire in your belly.

Your reply should be that you may be fat but can lose the weight.
On the other hand he's an arsehole...
Lose him...

DH is now demanding that I give him a plan of how I am going to loose more weight because "he needs to know". He says he can't stay married to someone who is fat.

Do you WANT to stay married to such an unutterable cunt?

As you are planning to lose a stone anyway, how tempted are you to do just that, preferably by making him do childcare while you attend extensive gym sessions, reach your ideal weight, then ditch him?

I have a very easy way for you to lose lots of weight overnight. Lose your husband!

Anyone who behaves like this is not worth thinking about. You have done amazing things, grown 2 humans and are entitled to weigh whatever you are. If you want to lose weight fine, if not don’t. You are worth so much more than him.

You need to lose the dead weight of your dickhead oh

Demand he tells you what his plans are for increasing his tiny dick as you can no longer stay married to someone who is shit in bed

You are not fat.
I'd serve him with divorce papers personally.
I actually did, my first husband constantly nit picked about my weight. So I divorced him. Best thing I ever did.

☝🏼

Wow, that's a really horrible thing to say

I hope you can find the inner strength and confidence to see that op

My DH is overweight and I nag him about it as it’s bad for his health. However, his BMI is higher than 27! You are literally only just overweight.
I would be having a very serious word with your DH about the way he’s treating you. It’s unacceptable

A divorce will cheer you right up I think

You deserve so much better than a husband who makes you feel shitty about yourself.

I've got 4 stone to lose with a husband who is built like Alexander Skarsgård in the Northman, but he has never once said a single negative thing about my weight. He's been encouraging and supportive, while always making sure I feel beautiful even when I'm convinced I look like a bin bag full of coleslaw.

Your partner is allowed to be worried about your health and wellbeing, he's not allowed to wreck your self esteem for his benefit. If I were you I'd tell him you can't stay married to a cunt and you expect a detailed plan on how he's going to stop being a cunt or you'll be forced to divorce him.

@Bluebelle82
Why on earth are you staying with someone so awful?
Have some respect for yourself and leave
You and your kids deserve better

You are a size 12 with a bmi of 27, is he mad! You aren't big at all, and yes most women our age big or small will carry the mum pouch. I'd be thinking why is he making this a thing, os he just a cunt! Or is he just prepping ready for an affair that will, of course, one day be "all your fault" because you let yourself go? It's bullshit op.
Tell him you can't be married to someone who would treat them with such disrespect and then tell him he's a cunt!

Here’s a great weight loss tip - dump your raging moron of a husband.

I was so sorry to read this OP. Your husband should be supportive of you. You’ve created life and given birth to two children. Your body is an amazing thing. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t let anyone else make you doubt it either.

So he can’t stay married to the mother of his children because she’s put on a bit of weight. I agree your husband’s a cunt. If you’re a size 12 at 5’5” then you’re sounding a perfectly healthy size and shape to me. He doesn’t sound like a man you can feel safe and secure with. I bet this isn’t the only way in which he treats you like shit.

LOSE him and you will feel great

I take it he’s a 6’6” tanned go with the body of Chris Hemsworth in Thor???
No?? I’m shocked. Maybe he’d like to fix that first. Then you’ll think about whether he’s worth staying married to or not.
Seriously, think very hard about what this man brings to your life because he isn’t sounding good right now.

While I disagree with his approach and feel he should have handled this better, I don't think he is wrong to say if he thinks you should lose weight.

I would expect my husband to tell me if he wanted me to lose weight. And I have told him in the past that he needs to lose weight, too.

I told him kindly after making many, many hints over many months...but he didn't take the hints. Maybe your husband is just frustrated and its boiled over. Have you told him how upset you are about what he's said?

@Dacadactyl

The ops weight is no ones business but hers

My EXH was a judgmental shallow asshole too :) I AM 5'6 and a size 12 and always was. So I got rid (for many other reasons also)

It's surprising how much 'lighter' you feel when you don't feel like you're constantly being compared and criticized and having your self worth reduced to a dress size.

My partner of 3 years has gained approx 2.5 stones since we've been together (he was a bit underweight before and is super tall) and I honestly could not give two shits what he looks like as long as he is happy and healthy. Genuinely. Don't care.

Don't let this wear you down, it's just cruel.

@Dacadactyl I've gotta disagree with you, even though in principle I agree with you. Obviously we all want our partners and ourselves to be at healthy weights, but he didn't bring it up in that way, he literally looked at her as she was in a pair of trousers that might not have fit well, and told her she had better lose weight else he would leave her. That wasn't out of concern for her, that was specifically to hurt her.