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Original poster

Sexist comment or am I overreacting?

111 replies

JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 16:34

I went on a first date yesterday with a 42 years old man. We got on very well, I believe there was mutual attraction, conversation was great and we already have a second date scheduled.

However, he made a comment at some point that is not sitting right with me. I'd love to hear other people's perspectives on it.

We were talking about pur favorite wines and I said that mine is Amarone. He disagreed with me and said he is not a fan because it is too sweet. He then said "it is a women's wine". I feel like there was an implied demeaning tone in this comment, like it is a wine that is only good enough for silly women who can't appreciate real wine? I also don't like it when people talk about women (or men) as a monolithic entity with no nuances for individuality.

I didn't say anything in the moment and then the conversation moved on. He didn't say anything else that I found problematic for the rest of the night.

Would you be annoyed by this comment? Am I being too rigid about it? Perhaps it was just a poorly thought joke. I am not sure really.

I will meet him again and observe if he makes other similar remarks but I am interested in hearing other people's opinions on this. Thanks!

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 23/03/2023 16:36

I think it is true, that women and men in general choose different drinks.

And women, in general, choose sweeter wine

Lovelyveg80 · 23/03/2023 16:40

I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest

You are incompatible though so no second date!

GreyCarpet · 23/03/2023 16:41

I wouldn't like that comment.

I drink beer. I found that always weeded out the twats 😉

Pinkbonbon · 23/03/2023 16:41

The comment alone wouldn't worry me but any 'off' vibes it gave me.. .I'd pay attention to.

I agree, referring to women as some sort of a monolith is often a red flag.

As is a sense of a demeaning tone.

Just, be on watch.

TheCentreSlide · 23/03/2023 16:42

Well I hear you - I think it’s sexist. I would think exactly the same. It’s a comment that often goes with a whole host of sexist thinking.

it would put me off.

firealarmmum · 23/03/2023 16:42

I would find that annoying and a slight flag towards other sexist attitudes lurking beneath the surface.

neitherofthem · 23/03/2023 16:42

Doesn't know much about wine, does he?

AliceOlive · 23/03/2023 16:43

neitherofthem · 23/03/2023 16:42

Doesn't know much about wine, does he?

That’s what I was thinking!

DustyLee123 · 23/03/2023 16:43

It is sexist. See how you go next time.

skyeisthelimit · 23/03/2023 16:44

It was a stupid comment as it is making a stereotype that only women like sweet wine, like only women like Rose and only men like beer.

All he needed to say was "its too sweet for me" and leave it at that.

It remains to be seen if he is that sexist in all areas, like using a washing machine is "womens work" and so on.

Next time ask for pint of beer and see what he says.

KStockHERO · 23/03/2023 16:45

For me - yes, sexist. Low-level but sexist. And indicative of a wider sexist mindset.

If sex-categorising wines comes on date one, what comes on date two and three and four? We could start a book on when the 'my ex is a psycho' will come out.

Bin. Move on.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 23/03/2023 16:45

Wow you are overthinking this seriously

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/03/2023 16:45

Its sexist and also incorrect. It's a lazy stereotype that women only like sweet crap wine, and men are the experts in proper wine.

On the up side, you have found out early on that he is casually sexist, so you can be forewarned. If you otherwise like him, you could see how often he makes those kinds of comments and see if this was an unusual comment for him, or if it's part of a wider pattern.

mrsjackrussell · 23/03/2023 16:47

Yes I would feel the same. My dad says things like this and it really winds me up. It would put me right off and I do find it sexist.

neitherofthem · 23/03/2023 16:47

AliceOlive · 23/03/2023 16:43

That’s what I was thinking!

Show quote history

He probably likes a strip-your-tongue 5 year-old Merlot that hasn't had time to mature properly yet.

Mateyduck · 23/03/2023 16:48

He thinks women generally like sweeter wine. You might think men generally prefer beer to women, that is just what each of you think. I don’t know why that would offend you.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 23/03/2023 16:50

I’m a teetotaler, so don’t crap about alchol or who drinks and what.
But I’ll still butt in and say that anyone who is this deep into drinking would be a red flag.

spidersenses · 23/03/2023 16:51

It's sexist and very probably does point to other sexist attitudes and opinions that haven't revealed themselves yet.

Greensleeves · 23/03/2023 16:52

No, you're not overreacting. It may only have been about wine, but it's a contemptuous misogynistic stereotype that a decent man would never think to use. Run for the hills.

Original poster
JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 16:53

CantAskAnyoneElse · 23/03/2023 16:50

I’m a teetotaler, so don’t crap about alchol or who drinks and what.
But I’ll still butt in and say that anyone who is this deep into drinking would be a red flag.

This deep into drinking? We were just talking about our favorite wines?

OP posts:
neitherofthem · 23/03/2023 16:53

skyeisthelimit · 23/03/2023 16:44

It was a stupid comment as it is making a stereotype that only women like sweet wine, like only women like Rose and only men like beer.

All he needed to say was "its too sweet for me" and leave it at that.

It remains to be seen if he is that sexist in all areas, like using a washing machine is "womens work" and so on.

Next time ask for pint of beer and see what he says.

It was also a stupid comment because Amarone isn't a sweet wine anyway. It is a rich, full-bodied, dry red.

OhMerde · 23/03/2023 16:54

I think it reveals a lazy stereotyping mindset. People who say things like women are bitchy, nag, like pink etc etc bore me rigid.

HateLongCovid · 23/03/2023 17:03

Maybe it's just a genuine observation that it's usually only woman he has come across that seem to like it. I wouldn't be put off if you felt the date went well otherwise. Go on another date and see if you can suss him out a bit more. Good luck OP

pictoosh · 23/03/2023 17:09

CantAskAnyoneElse · 23/03/2023 16:50

I’m a teetotaler, so don’t crap about alchol or who drinks and what.
But I’ll still butt in and say that anyone who is this deep into drinking would be a red flag.

This deep into drinking? What are you on about?
If they discussed their favourite chocolate bars would you be clutching at your chest like this?
Seriously…explain your drama please?

gannett · 23/03/2023 17:11

Low-level thoughtless sexism. He probably didn't mean anything by it, probably literally didn't think, and if challenged will admit that obviously Not All Women Like Sweet Wine but I can see why this sort of tedious comment grates on you. And it's annoyingly so low-level that bringing it up again would seem disproportionate.

I guess whether I moved forward with this would depend on what his good points were, but I'd also deliberately bring up the subject of annoying stereotypes (not in relation to this, but generally) and see where that conversation goes. And I'd be watchful for enything else he says along similar lines.

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