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Original poster

Sexist comment or am I overreacting?

111 replies

JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 16:34

I went on a first date yesterday with a 42 years old man. We got on very well, I believe there was mutual attraction, conversation was great and we already have a second date scheduled.

However, he made a comment at some point that is not sitting right with me. I'd love to hear other people's perspectives on it.

We were talking about pur favorite wines and I said that mine is Amarone. He disagreed with me and said he is not a fan because it is too sweet. He then said "it is a women's wine". I feel like there was an implied demeaning tone in this comment, like it is a wine that is only good enough for silly women who can't appreciate real wine? I also don't like it when people talk about women (or men) as a monolithic entity with no nuances for individuality.

I didn't say anything in the moment and then the conversation moved on. He didn't say anything else that I found problematic for the rest of the night.

Would you be annoyed by this comment? Am I being too rigid about it? Perhaps it was just a poorly thought joke. I am not sure really.

I will meet him again and observe if he makes other similar remarks but I am interested in hearing other people's opinions on this. Thanks!

OP posts:
gannett · 23/03/2023 17:11

*anything

pictoosh · 23/03/2023 17:11

As for the felly OP…wait and see. It might have been something, it might have been nothing.
You could always ask him. “When you said it was a women’s wine, what did you mean?”

Unsure33 · 23/03/2023 17:14

Mateyduck · 23/03/2023 16:48

He thinks women generally like sweeter wine. You might think men generally prefer beer to women, that is just what each of you think. I don’t know why that would offend you.

This . Sometimes I think I live in a in a parallel world . You are reading too much into one comment. Wait and see how other conversations go .

BlueLabel · 23/03/2023 17:15

I'm confused as to why he thinks it would be a womans wine in the first place, but that aside I wouldn't be overly impressed if he was particularly dismissive.

BlueLabel · 23/03/2023 17:16

Maybe just one to keep in mind and see how tonight goes before making up your mind

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 23/03/2023 17:18

I think neither of you know what you’re on about. Amarone is officially a dry red.

MMmomDD · 23/03/2023 17:18

I think you are a bit jumpy here.
You were talking about favourite wines. You said X…. then you note that he ‘disagreed’ and said it was too sweet for him.
He didn’t disagree though? He expressed an opinion, of how that particular wine tastes to him.
It seem to have struck a cord with you. Kicked up some sort of insecurity. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In general - it does seem that women do prefer sweeter wines. And more men like beer. It’s not a judgement and doesn’t make anyone sexist to note that.

Greenfairydust · 23/03/2023 17:25

@Nimbostratus100
''I think it is true, that women and men in general choose different drinks.
And women, in general, choose sweeter wine''

Because you obviously can speak for all womankind and all women are the same...

Back to you OP. I would not have liked that comment either and it made you feel uncomfortable it is reason enough not to see him again.

Original poster
JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 17:26

MMmomDD · 23/03/2023 17:18

I think you are a bit jumpy here.
You were talking about favourite wines. You said X…. then you note that he ‘disagreed’ and said it was too sweet for him.
He didn’t disagree though? He expressed an opinion, of how that particular wine tastes to him.
It seem to have struck a cord with you. Kicked up some sort of insecurity. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In general - it does seem that women do prefer sweeter wines. And more men like beer. It’s not a judgement and doesn’t make anyone sexist to note that.

Mmm to be honest I couldn't care less that he disagreed with me or he doesn't like the wine I like.

What bothered me was him grouping all women in a monolithic category and implying that they all like xyz, where xyz is a wine he doesn't rate very highly.

OP posts:
AliceOlive · 23/03/2023 17:27

Are you all getting a different Amarone in the UK? I’ve never had a sweet one!

Viviennemary · 23/03/2023 17:30

I don't think he is the man for you if you think this is a big deal. But I agree it was a silly thoughtless comment.

Hollyhocksandlarkspur · 23/03/2023 17:31

Dismissive and condescending, lazy (unconscious?) stereotyping. Would see how it goes but be aware. We all make thoughtless unintended comments sometimes, so worth another date just in case it was that.

Etoile41 · 23/03/2023 17:31

Get over it. Ppl get so easily offended over nothing

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 23/03/2023 17:34

AliceOlive · 23/03/2023 17:27

Are you all getting a different Amarone in the UK? I’ve never had a sweet one!

It’s Not sweet, it’s actually quite a heavily fermented dry red wine,

op it sounds like to folks who have no idea about wine trying to impress the other.

if this is your fave, Personally I dislike it, too heavy for me, then you’d know it wasn’t remotely sweet.

he also had no clue, which means he was talking just as much Shite, but what it tells you is he made an assumption that as you pretended to like it it must be sweet.

the whole thing is toe curling, 😂

Pixiedust1234 · 23/03/2023 17:35

It wouldn't bother me on its own but I would be looking for more red flags sooner than later. That said where I live its mostly men who drink mild, stout and bitter, the women usually stick to lager. It doesn't make it sexist for me to say bitter is mostly a man's drink.

However if you both view that wine as sweet then you have other problems.

RoseslnTheHospital · 23/03/2023 17:35

MMmomDD · 23/03/2023 17:18

I think you are a bit jumpy here.
You were talking about favourite wines. You said X…. then you note that he ‘disagreed’ and said it was too sweet for him.
He didn’t disagree though? He expressed an opinion, of how that particular wine tastes to him.
It seem to have struck a cord with you. Kicked up some sort of insecurity. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In general - it does seem that women do prefer sweeter wines. And more men like beer. It’s not a judgement and doesn’t make anyone sexist to note that.

There's no evidence that women in general prefer sweeter wine. It just isn't supported by the evidence of purchasing and drinking preferences. There are some small difference in general preferences between the sexes but this is much more nuanced than just "women generally prefer sweeter wines".

You are of course correct that men are the majority drinkers of beer.

Original poster
JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 17:37

@Wisteriaroundthedoor I never claimed to be a wine expert. I just said that Amarone is my favorite wine (I am actually from that region of Italy). I don't find it sweet at all but then again that was not the point of my post really 😅

OP posts:
nc13467 · 23/03/2023 17:38

Viviennemary · 23/03/2023 17:30

I don't think he is the man for you if you think this is a big deal. But I agree it was a silly thoughtless comment.

@Viviennemary exactly this.

I personally wouldn't be offended but if you are then it's not a good match

MMmomDD · 23/03/2023 17:40

@JollieJullie

There is a difference between a generalisation, that could be unhelpful - and a factual statement.
Women tend to prefer sweeter wine. It’s not a judgement on our refinement. It’s how our taste buds work.

Not sure why make an issue of it.

Men can of course be sexist, and many are. (Also a generalisation, hard to avoid) But people do tend to be very quick to judge these days.

Sexist comment or am I overreacting?
Wisteriaroundthedoor · 23/03/2023 17:42

JollieJullie · 23/03/2023 17:37

@Wisteriaroundthedoor I never claimed to be a wine expert. I just said that Amarone is my favorite wine (I am actually from that region of Italy). I don't find it sweet at all but then again that was not the point of my post really 😅

Yes it kinda Is. Let me explain. Amarone is a brute of a wine, I’m also Italian, it’s commonly served with dark red meats like venison or boar, if you drink it you should have immediately said it’s not a sweet wine it’s a heavy dry red. Him saying it was too sweet showed he’d no clue about the wine, he assumed as you’re a woman it must be sweet so you like it.

Instead of admitting he didn’t know it, and was clueless on wine, and it’s a very, very common wine, he made a stupid sexist comment. You’re a woman, you like it, so it must be sweet.

what a twat.

Bamboux · 23/03/2023 17:44

neitherofthem · 23/03/2023 16:53

It was also a stupid comment because Amarone isn't a sweet wine anyway. It is a rich, full-bodied, dry red.

Show quote history

Yes, I came here to say this. I drink the driest, dirtiest martinis, neat cognac or whisky, and manzanilla sherry, and I love amarone. It's not remotely a 'sweet' wine. It's bloody expensive because it's lovely. He sounds like a wanker

AuntieJoyce · 23/03/2023 17:45

firealarmmum · 23/03/2023 16:42

I would find that annoying and a slight flag towards other sexist attitudes lurking beneath the surface.

Yep me too

JoanThursday1972 · 23/03/2023 17:46

I don't think Amarone particularly sweet. I know guys who like it. I don't like rosé but it's been assumed I do at events etc because I'm a woman.

IWineAndDontDine · 23/03/2023 17:46

firealarmmum · 23/03/2023 16:42

I would find that annoying and a slight flag towards other sexist attitudes lurking beneath the surface.

Agree with this. Not an awful comment on its own but I bet its one of many to come

PrincessHoneysuckle · 23/03/2023 17:49

I wouldn't be happy with that as a woman who hates sweet wine