Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to move back to UK but I'm homeless

124 replies

Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 13:27

I left London 12 years ago and live in Ireland.
I am in the process of leaving an abusive marriage and I would like to move back to London. But I'm homeless, no money, no job and no family. If I go back will the council help me or say no because I left to live in Ireland? I have 2 children. I want to get away from husband and I hate it here. But I'm wondering would I get any help?

OP posts:
gettingolderbutcooler · 21/03/2023 13:54

I suppose it f you turned up at the local council housing office they would have to try and put you in a bed and breakfast. Which is a bit grim but housing is in VERY short supply.
They can also send you to a hostel out of London.
But if you can't show robust links to that area they are under no obligation to house you permanently- as I understand.
Best contact shelter for more accurate advice though.

PeekAtYou · 21/03/2023 13:56

Is the ex the father of your children. If so, the children can't leave Ireland without his permission

Passerillage · 21/03/2023 14:01

It feels like coming straight back to the UK might be very stressful. Are you in physical danger?

If not ,could you keep your cards close to your chest for now, get a job, get a deposit for a rented flat together and then either get out and stay in Ireland (you're going to have a tough time leaving the country with the kids - if they're his - without his consent, even if he is a complete bastard) and then start applying for jobs in England? Moving to England with a job lined up and 4k in the bank will get you on your feet in no time.

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 14:02

I don't think that's your biggest issue...you can't take your children out of the country without their fathers permission. You could get yourself in a huge amount of trouble.

LondonPretty · 21/03/2023 14:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

iusedtobeasize8 · 21/03/2023 14:06

Contact Womens Aid. Do you have to relocate to London when housing is scarce?If you are fleeing domestic abuse they should be able to help you. Do you still hold a British Passport? I know of an old aqaintance that was living in Ireland with her violent husband and a young child and pregnant. She sought the help of old friends from England to basically run away. She ended living in a bedsit for some time but believes her actions saved her life. Good luck OP.

Boogismyname · 21/03/2023 14:11

Women's aid are brilliant, they will help you out with this and will listen.
Don't worry too much about what you have not got (easier said than done, I know), but they will help.
The support workers there will help from getting you a doctor to the kid's schools.

Original poster
Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 14:11

Do I need his consent? I actually didn't know that. I've never reported that he is abusive and violent. Looks like I'm stuck here. I really just want to come home. I know housing is in short supply in London so I'm guessing b and b would be the best I could hope for. Can you be left there for a long time?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 14:12

No doesnt necessarily have to be London, I just haven't lived anywhere else.

OP posts:
Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/03/2023 14:14

Do you have any family op? Where do they live?

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 14:15

Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 14:11

Do I need his consent? I actually didn't know that. I've never reported that he is abusive and violent. Looks like I'm stuck here. I really just want to come home. I know housing is in short supply in London so I'm guessing b and b would be the best I could hope for. Can you be left there for a long time?

You can't be surprised that you can't just remove children from the country they live in (and were born in?) without the permission of their other parent?

You have no money to set up a home in London, no family support there, and no job. You can't bring two children from their father, their schools, their friends and their country, to...nothing. You're not habitually resident, you may not be offerred even a B&B. And you could be charged with kidnapping....

ilovesooty · 21/03/2023 14:18

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 14:15

You can't be surprised that you can't just remove children from the country they live in (and were born in?) without the permission of their other parent?

You have no money to set up a home in London, no family support there, and no job. You can't bring two children from their father, their schools, their friends and their country, to...nothing. You're not habitually resident, you may not be offerred even a B&B. And you could be charged with kidnapping....

Show quote history

There's no need to doubt the OP's word that she didn't know.

gemloving · 21/03/2023 14:20

OP, could you please look for domestic abuse charities in Ireland first. Get away from that home in Ireland, then try to return to England. Sending hugs x

ilovesooty · 21/03/2023 14:20

And basically to respond "You're powerless - suck it up" is really unpleasant.

I hope Women's Aid can offer some help @Gatesy11 .

Hankunamatata · 21/03/2023 14:22

OP would be worth contacting women's aid as they are in most countries, perhaps even a move to northern ireland to start so your in the uk bit not took children off the ireland

whattodo1975 · 21/03/2023 14:23

If you haven't got family or other support networks in London, why are you choosing to move back there? Must be more affordable places to live with better social housing options.

neilyoungismyhero · 21/03/2023 14:23

Surely it depends whether it's northern or southern Ireland doesit?

Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 14:23

Wow @jenjenlinks that was harsh.

OP sounds totally lost. You'd be surprised at what you don't know or think you have to know until you're in that particular situation.

It comes around again to questioning the victim and their actions rather than the perpetrator.

OP go straight to Womens' Aid. I know that they have extensive experience of this with women moving from elsewhere to Ireland. They really are life savers in the true sense of the word.

Good luck

Hankunamatata · 21/03/2023 14:24

Hankunamatata · 21/03/2023 14:22

OP would be worth contacting women's aid as they are in most countries, perhaps even a move to northern ireland to start so your in the uk bit not took children off the ireland

That should be off the island

gemloving · 21/03/2023 14:24

@jenjenlinks Let's remember that OP is being violently abused at home. I am not sure the way you're expressing yourself is helpful here. Let's not forget, this could be your sister, your neighbour, your friend. Support is what women in such vulnerable situations need, not a telling off from a stranger.

Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 14:25

neilyoungismyhero · 21/03/2023 14:23

Surely it depends whether it's northern or southern Ireland doesit?

Yes it does. I know women who can't return to the Republic and have had to stay in Northern Ireland because of their partners' wishes.

ijustneedanamefgs · 21/03/2023 14:25

It would be no different than moving from one end of the country to another in terms of permission etc. The uk and Ireland are all linked.
Are you originally from London? They could count you as making yourself deliberately homeless. You are in an abusive relationship though so that will likely make it different. Call womens aid. My friend went into a shelter in London and then they transferred her to one over here (N.I) as she wanted to come home.

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 14:25

Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 13:27

I left London 12 years ago and live in Ireland.
I am in the process of leaving an abusive marriage and I would like to move back to London. But I'm homeless, no money, no job and no family. If I go back will the council help me or say no because I left to live in Ireland? I have 2 children. I want to get away from husband and I hate it here. But I'm wondering would I get any help?

Whatever your circumstances, if you're looking for social housing in London you're going to be effectively homeless for literally years. By that I mean a series of temporary placements inc hostels. There's a good chance they may not even ve in London. This will be massively unsettling for your children who presumably you will be selling the idea of a better life. Its going to seriously affect your chance of securing a job or proper schooling for your children.
In your situation I'd suggest plan B. Select a town with better availability of housing. Look for decent schools and a hospital and college of FE. Plan to move start of summer holidays. Get a friend to book a week in a travelodge in her name. On D Day go. Send off your school application ASAP. Approach local council. Tell them your friend has let you have her accomodation (so not preplanned) and you can't go back. Take it from there. Don't pick an BH. Hold tight and wait.
If you're unskilled consider getting your Maths and Engkish Level 2 at local college.
Best of luck.

BMW6 · 21/03/2023 14:37

Are you in Republic of Ireland or Northern Ireland OP?

Snoken · 21/03/2023 14:42

How old are the children? If they are over a certain age and they say they don't want to see their dad they won't have to. Do you have any proof of the abuse, even if you haven't yet reported it? There could be ways for you to get yourself and the kids to the UK if you think that's the best option, but it won't be as easy as getting on a plane and start afresh.

Swipe left for the next trending thread