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Original poster

To want to move back to UK but I'm homeless

124 replies

Gatesy11 · 21/03/2023 13:27

I left London 12 years ago and live in Ireland.
I am in the process of leaving an abusive marriage and I would like to move back to London. But I'm homeless, no money, no job and no family. If I go back will the council help me or say no because I left to live in Ireland? I have 2 children. I want to get away from husband and I hate it here. But I'm wondering would I get any help?

OP posts:
Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 15:21

houseofchaosandclothes · 21/03/2023 15:11

@ijustneedanamefgs you're very wrong. If you are an Irish or a British citizen, you have certain entitlements under the common travel area. But it's not as all-encompassing as you suggest, and anyone from another EU country or a third country. would not have the same entitlements. There are a lot of areas - entitlement to child benefit, tax, entitlement to supports e.g. with housing - where things are extremely different. You're talking about different health systems, education systems, electoral systems, currency. The idea there's no difference between moving from Bristol and Birmingham and Dublin and Belfast is patently untrue. I've moved between both jurisdictions and on one occasion worked in one while living in the other and it is nowhere near as straightforward as you make it sound.

And specifically relating to the OP: she can't leave the jurisdiction without permission, and if she tried, she could get herself into a world of trouble. However there are supports available to her, and her children.

Is it impossible he would grant permission OP? I think there is a lot you would potentially have to do, for example find schools, that means even if he did it would be a complicated move. But the most important thing is you've been through a challenging time and you're doing the difficult part now by leaving. It may be even if your goal is to move home having some space to plan and get yourself together is worthwhile first.

This.

I took the risk and moved without permission but he didn't even put up a fight. But I knew that he could have made it impossible for me.

bibliomania · 21/03/2023 15:22

My solicitor said technically I needed my ex's permission to take my child across the border from England to Scotland because it's a different legal jurisdiction (this is when we were in the middle of a court case - it wasn't an issue after the court order was sorted out).

Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 15:24

Also remember to get a key worker from Womens Aid (it is in the republic too) as, sadly, the time around when you leave is the most dangerous.

I'm not saying it to scaremonger but it's a proven fact. Your safety and that of your children is paramount.

Tandora · 21/03/2023 15:26

You can't move your child further than 50 miles in the UK without the other parents permission

what?? Do you have a reference for this?

2bazookas · 21/03/2023 15:29

Don't move to London; housing is the most expensive and high=demand in UK, and you stand no chance of getting social housing there. At least, not the sort you'd want your children to live in.

gogohmm · 21/03/2023 15:30

No you can't just turn up and expect housing, even temporary housing and benefits because you haven't been ordinarily resident in the past 3 years. You also cannot remove your dual National children without the consent of the Irish courts. You need to save up and move basically, look for a job ahead of moving so you move to work.

isitjustmey · 21/03/2023 15:33

So the police would still class it as kidnapping even if an abused woman is running away form their abuser?

EarringsandLipstick · 21/03/2023 15:35

I'm very sorry OP

Here's the link for Women's Aid www.womensaid.ie/

Phone 1800 341 900

Here's the Garda website specifically for reporting domestic violence www.garda.ie/en/crime/domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse.html

bibliomania · 21/03/2023 15:35

Nobody is stopping her from leaving her abuser, isitjust. But she cannot take the dcs to a different country unless either the other parent agrees or a court agrees.

LondonPretty · 21/03/2023 15:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pontipinemum · 21/03/2023 15:41

You poor thing, it sounds like you really having an awful time.

Do you have any friends in Ireland? Do you have any family you can discuss this with? Who might even be able to come over for a little while to help you?

Thedarkestblue · 21/03/2023 15:42

The UK and Ireland are two entirely different countries. They are not linked. I moved from Scotland to another part of mainland Britain and was told by a solicitor at Woman’s Aid that I could not move back to Scotland without my partners consent as Scotland had its own legal system on these matters.

PeekAtYou · 21/03/2023 15:46

OP can leave the country but her children can not without a court order or ex's permission

Even if OP wanted to move from say London to Birmingham she would need to go to court because she'd be taking the kids to a place where dad couldn't easily see the kids. She may get permission to move but acting without the legal process on her side could backfire on her.

Getting legal advice first is the smart thing to do.

TallulahBetty · 21/03/2023 15:47

Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 15:19

No it doesn't. I moved from the Uk to Northern Ireland. You can't move your child further than 50 miles in the UK without the other parents permission.

Also law relating to a lot of matters is very different in NI than England.

OP please get some legal advice. The last thing you need is giving him ammunition against you.

Also, women cannot just take their children from NI to the republic or vice versa. It may be a common travel area but that doesn't matter. As I said I was speaking with women about this exact type of situation last week.

Show quote history

Source for the 50 miles claim, please?

Porridgelover82 · 21/03/2023 15:48

What is astonishing is the absence of any thought regarding your children and their best interests op

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 15:50

Hankunamatata · 21/03/2023 14:22

OP would be worth contacting women's aid as they are in most countries, perhaps even a move to northern ireland to start so your in the uk bit not took children off the ireland

NI is in the UK. It is a completely different country to Ireland. Taking them to NI is taking them out of the country, which she cannot do,

Mum23amazingkids · 21/03/2023 15:51

I would not do it unless you have a place to stay with family or friends , not london at least , you will be stuck as homeless for ages even if you have children . Find a cheaper town

youwouldthink · 21/03/2023 15:52

Ireland is a little different if not married. Even if you are named on the birth cert the father does not have parental rights unless gone through the courts to have awarded - normally just a simple form stamp. If married auto rights parentally apply

megletthesecond · 21/03/2023 15:54

I seriously doubt they are equal parents here. I'd bet she is doing the vast majority of the work while also getting abuse from him.

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 15:54

MissMissive · 21/03/2023 15:04

This is a woman, with children, in an abusive marriage. She needs advice and support, not a patronising put down basically telling her to put up with it.

Show quote history

What she needs is sensible advice, and not the nonsense being told to her on this thread.
Ireland and the UK are two completely separate countries. The CTA is irrelevant. OP cannot remove her children from Ireland without a court order or permission from their father.

She is in a terrible situation already, making it far worse with kidnapping charges and court cases is not helping her. Its not kind to mislead her and lie to her.

OP needs to contact Womens Aid Ireland and her local council, housing supports etc. She is entitled to far more in Ireland than she would be turning up in London after more than a decade away and with legal problems follwoing her.

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 15:57

Definitelycross · 21/03/2023 15:19

No it doesn't. I moved from the Uk to Northern Ireland. You can't move your child further than 50 miles in the UK without the other parents permission.

Also law relating to a lot of matters is very different in NI than England.

OP please get some legal advice. The last thing you need is giving him ammunition against you.

Also, women cannot just take their children from NI to the republic or vice versa. It may be a common travel area but that doesn't matter. As I said I was speaking with women about this exact type of situation last week.

Show quote history

You can't move from the UK to NI as NI is in the UK. You moved from part of the UK to another part of the UK, it's the same country.
Ireland is a different country.

Mitsahne · 21/03/2023 15:59

Lol at the posters saying Ireland and the UK are linked, as if they are one country. One does wonder about the common sense of posters who are so confident in giving out nonsense masquerading as information. OP needs to leave the husband in Ireland first and report any abuse to the Gardaí. She can go to Women's Aid for help. Obviously she can't just remove the children and go to the UK if the father knows nothing about it.

threeplusmum · 21/03/2023 16:00

Sorry but London is hugely oversubscribed in terms of social housing. I've known people in worse situations get refused help.

MissMissive · 21/03/2023 16:07

jenjenlinks · 21/03/2023 15:54

What she needs is sensible advice, and not the nonsense being told to her on this thread.
Ireland and the UK are two completely separate countries. The CTA is irrelevant. OP cannot remove her children from Ireland without a court order or permission from their father.

She is in a terrible situation already, making it far worse with kidnapping charges and court cases is not helping her. Its not kind to mislead her and lie to her.

OP needs to contact Womens Aid Ireland and her local council, housing supports etc. She is entitled to far more in Ireland than she would be turning up in London after more than a decade away and with legal problems follwoing her.

Show quote history

Obviously. Sensible advice. Not a patronising put down.

Thankfully there are other posters who have managed that.

Babyroobs · 21/03/2023 16:08

You are unlikely to be able to just start claiming benefits when returning to the UK. You would need to pass the habitual residency test if wanting to claim Universal credit which you would need to for housing costs. Not sure if Ireland has any kind of reciprocal agreements ( assuming you live in the republic of Irelend ? )