To want to move back to UK but I'm homeless

[Gatesy11]

I left London 12 years ago and live in Ireland.
I am in the process of leaving an abusive marriage and I would like to move back to London. But I'm homeless, no money, no job and no family. If I go back will the council help me or say no because I left to live in Ireland? I have 2 children. I want to get away from husband and I hate it here. But I'm wondering would I get any help?

The uk and Ireland are all linked.

No it's not, the Republic of Ireland is basically a foreign country even though they're just across the water and speak the same language, Northern Ireland on the other hand is part of the UK.

There's quite a lot of misinformation on this thread about which area of the UK would be best to make a homelessness application so if you do decide to come you might find this page helpful: england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/homelessness/local_connection. I hope you get away from him one way or another 💐

Contact Women's Aid, Shelter and Citizens Advice (or the equivalent where you are) as a starting point.

There is the issue about taking your children without their dad's knowledge/ consent.

There is also a potential issue that you can't just relocate to where you want and be eligible for council housing. You usually have to have a "local connection" to an area, which often means you have family there or have lived there for a certain number of years.

You might be able to get housing in some areas, but it may be a stretch as you haven't lived in London, or the UK, for a very long time. Housing in London is in very high demand.

See Citizens Advice for more info: www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/social-housing/applying-for-social-housing/getting-a-council-home/

Practically anywhere but London would be better in terms of getting housing, and also things like school places.

OP could you move to the north of Ireland - technically UK so out of the jurisdiction of Ireland. There’s a lot of help there for women in your position

DSIL has been through this. She moved to Belgium with her DH and he was emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. She looked into coming back to the uk but was told by a solicitor that she could not take the goods out of the country without her now exh consent.
She contacted the police and her ExH denied all wrongdoing and said she had mental health problems. She had PND after both kids but nothing else. Police believed him and as she didn’t want to leave without the kids, she stayed and he then beat her badly and locked her in the bathroom with no food for the whole night and following day.
He went to work and took the kids to school and nursery and only let her out for her to cook for them. She put the kids to bed and when he went to the toilet, she ran out of the flat and to a neighbour’s flat and asked her to take her to the police station. She was taken to the police station and photos taken off her injuries and police and social services went to collect the kids.

She was put up in a b&b type hotel with the kids and told to keep them off school as her husband had been released on bail as he said she’d inflicted the injuries on herself when he was at work as she was ‘mental’

Despite all this, she was still not legally allowed to move back to uk with the kids and she was deemed an unfit parent and the kids were taken by social services and given to her husband!

She wasn’t allowed near him so was at this point homeless, she didn’t work as he never let her because he didn’t trust her around other men and she had to move back to UK alone, leaving the kids with him.
Unfortunately, neither me or my parents were financially able to pay for her to stay in Belgium and due to lack of work activity, she couldn’t get a job there.

She’s back here and working to save for solicitor and it’s going to court in August this year but she’s been told that as her youngest was born in Belgium, it will be difficult to get custody and live in the UK.

Her husband allows 10 mins facetime with her kids per week.

Its breaking our hearts.

DSIS not DSIL!

@reliefeo that still entails moving countries which she would need permission from the children's father to do. There's lots of support available in Ireland. It's just up to the OP whether she wants to pursue it or not.

No. It's a completely different legal jurisdiction. It's a different country.

@Calliell I am so sorry to hear of your sister's situation, that's terrible on every front, for her, for the children. I cannot understand the failure to protect her and then to hand the children over. I have a friend who lost custody of her children in the US (with some contact) years ago and all I can say is keep being there and keep keeping on for those children, one day the opportunity to come back will hopefully be there and they will see how much their mum loved them (and sadly likely how abusive their dad is as these men rarely beat up the mum and then treasure the kids).

You need to look up The Hague Convetion, you won’t be able to just remove the children from their country of residence.

Your only option is woman’s refuges and charities. I’m assuming with no money or job your not in a position to rent privately. You need to put a plan in place, get as much advice from the right people, report any abuse, unfortunately Ireland (as many other countries) aren’t the best with domestic violence but you will at least have it on record. If the children have witnessed his abuse and violence or been on the receiving end make sure the school knows again so it’s recorded. If your going to confide in anyone make sure it’s someone you know with 100% certainty won’t let it get back to your H. Also look into a barring or protection order, like a restraining order, I think it may have another name in Ireland but can’t remember it.

good luck.

The Guards are the first port of call to report DV. I work in a school in Ireland. You wouldn't be informing the school unless TUSLA were involved.

I was told this when I first separated in 2019 by my solicitor but I can't find it on any search.

But I remember thinking how much he could fuck up my plans. It's bizarre I can't find it. Apologies.

Also I meant I moved from England to NI not UK to NI.

My mistake.

Apologies but it's a subject matter that I feel too close to. I got mixed up.

Are you deliberately overlooking the fact that the OP
has said she is wanting to leave because of abuse.

Cant they? My kids and I are Irish and I regularly leave the country with them and don't engage their 'father'.

That said it is only for holidays I have no intention of emigrating - not with the kids anyway lol

Pseud, if the father doesn't challenge it, it's not an issue. If he did challenge it and you can show it's a holiday, you'd be okay too, although it could mess up your travel plans if you have to go to court to show you're bringing them back.

If he called the airport and said he's the dad and doesn't agree to the holiday then you wouldn't be able to leave the country with the kids.

Some countries require written proof that the parent not travelling agrees to the trip but they are a minority at the moment.

I guess in my case the kids dad could not give a shiny shite if I emigrated to Australia with them. He goes to pains to do anything BUT parent them.

You will not meet the local connection criteria for any London borough

The reason you want or need to leave does not make all of the practical considerations disappear.
You can still be charged with parental abduction where there was DV. You don't suddenly become less homeless or get more money because there was DV.

A person accepted as fleeing violence does not have to meet the local connection guidelines. They cannot be referred to any area where there might be a risk of violence.

OP do not loose hope.

Being in abusive relationship feels like you have no way out at all but you can do this.

Firstly, contact your local womans aiders, they will be able to guide you on what to do.
Gather documents such as passports for you and the children and keep them safe, any other documents that are relevant when leaving, it might be a good idea to keep it with a non mutual friend if you can, or somewhere safe.

But there is hope.

here is the contact details for womans aid in Ireland

Women's Aid - Domestic violence service in Ireland (womensaid.ie)

Home - Women's Aid (womensaid.org.uk) this can help as well as they have a forum there which you can join and post there about your situation, and there may be someone there who has left Ireland for England.

here is a link to how to cover your tracks online if your partner monitors what you do.

Cover your tracks online - Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk)

Hope this helps