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Original poster

Are all men getting stingy and grumpy pass 55?

131 replies

flarefit · 06/03/2023 17:25

DP v high earner (over £150k) couple of credit cards but not much on them, his own house 3 years mortgage left. I am part time at the moment due to personal circumstances/ health. His house is being rented and we rent another place where we live. I never wanted to move into his house as it needs major refurb and it is where he was with his previous family. When we got together (7y ago) he promised me we will start a family. I was 33 then, he was 50. Now I am 40, he is 57. Nothing happened. He changed, doesn't want new family, wants to get back to his house but doesn't want to refurbish there so it would mean me cooking in his ex wife's kitchen which is dated and I do not like it. It would make me feel awful to live somewhere where he was raising kids with his ex but doesn't want children with me. I am in a bit of a limbo financially but also I suspect that he was hoping for a free housekeeper. He doesn't help around house at the moment as he thinks if I work part time I can catch up with household to top up my worth. I do all the housework, shopping, cooking and even if I ask him for some help he starts an argument. He became very unpleasant in last couple of years and it doesn't look good. He only speaks about money even though earns a lot. Doesn't want to spend anything, we have not been away on holiday for 6 years. He moans that he doesn't have a car, we drive mine I don't mind but he wants a big 4x4 which tbh in current climate makes no sense. He moans what other people have and he doesn't. I fear suggesting any trips or even days out as for him pizza is an extravaganza. When we got together we used to go to nice restaurants and bars, I was able to dress up and feel all feminine. Now it is just boring. I am a bit confused how now when he earns the most he became so tight whilst before he was very generous. He runs spreadsheets for everything, calculates everything, talks only about money. I am just so so bored. Are all men that age so boring, grumpy and tight? I started thinking it will never change, only get worse and I guess I do not want such life. I really feel he has me as his housekeeper and future carer. Wonder what you think? Is this normal for men that age with younger partners? I often see mature guys really trying their best with younger women so they don't leave them; here it is opposite.

OP posts:
Catoo · 07/03/2023 20:20

flarefit · 07/03/2023 10:49

All valid comments here. Some a bit harsh I must admit but of course I do not go into too much detail as why certain things happened (or didn't) - My choice not to share. That aside what I would reiterate is that my DP is still saying he wants children - it is his lack of action that shows me he doesn't, hence me here sharing that I feel/ see evidence he doesn't. If you ask him he would say of course he wants a baby - just not now because ... (fill the gap) and here you will hear plenty of reasons. 'Just not now'. This is where you need to understand as a partner I trusted him over the years and like I said before I remained patient and considerate due to him not being ready. So I thought. Today I am at the point of - if not now then when? Today I am also at the point of - he simply lied to me. I left my ex because he didn't want children and got into this relationship because I was told he loves kids and can not wait to have a baby with me. Just not now and that is 7 years. After reading all the comments I will side with the ladies who admit - free housekeeper and carer. No future.

Ignore what he says. Take notice of what he has and is doing.

If you want DC, time to move on.
Sorry OP
Xx 😘

QueefQueen80s · 07/03/2023 20:26

@80s Yes and a lot of men would cheer on the older man getting a young woman.
I think both ways are grim.

FinallyHere · 07/03/2023 21:45

No

HTH

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/03/2023 22:57

Well I think you need to talk to him. You either start trying for a baby now or you leave now. You may manage with a sperm bank. You won't manage if you stay and he says no.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 07/03/2023 22:57

Also are you sure he hasn't actually had a vasectomy and just lied

AIBUNoNo · 08/03/2023 08:02

It's not right to make generalised comments about men of this age.
Some DO have more children at 50.
A colleague married again at 50 (and a bit), he already had grown up children and went on to have 2 more with his new wife (mid-late 30s.)

In this case, it's clear he doesn't want children and is either purposely or otherwise winding down the OP's fertility clock until it's too late.

Having said that, I know women in their early- mid-30s who want a family.
they give any new men/ relationship a max of 1 year. If they aren't on the same page and actively planning a family, they move on.

@flarefit I don't know your circs but if you have money, can borrow it, or your ex can stump up, egg freezing is an option but again, time's running out so you'd need to press ahead.

I also find it hard to believe he earns what you think he does. Why else would he not buy a car he wants? Any car!

I asked before if you'd seen pay slips or you share a bank account and you didn't reply. (I assume the answer is 'No'!)

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