Did you lose friends when divorcing?

[Aweebitpainful]

I know it’s normal to loose joint friends when you’re divorcing, but what’s surprising to me is that I also seem to be loosing my own friends and family. Friends that I’ve had for years well before being married. Friends who I’ve supported in their rough times. I’m not particularly a high maintenance person but to speak to someone every couple of weeks or so would be nice.

I haven’t cheated on my ex. I haven’t treated him badly in any way. He just isn’t available emotionally, and we’ve both fallen out of love. I can’t see that I can be judged harshly for anything I’ve done.

I feel incredibly lonely and sad. My mums literally the only person who’s there.

I deleted all joint people, I didn't want to fill peoples mouths with gossip he did enough of that x I also moved areas which was the best thing ever tbh I moved near my best friend haven't looked back. Those who I wanted in my life are still in it x Two women who I classed as friends sexted him etc, before my side of the bed was cold 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 one was his close friends wife 😂 one was a neighbour over the road !!!!!!! Taught me a lot about who I had in my life !!!!! life is far to short forward not backwards.

I lost all of my local friends that I'd known since I was about 8. my ex had been having an affair with one of them, she denied it and, despite my ex admitting it, and the evidence I had seen, they believed her.

I cut them all off and have made lots of new friends, far better then the original ones.

I remember my aunt saying that most of their friends stayed with her. Some where personal friends of his who gave her info about assets he had and was hiding from her. Because I don´t like how he is treating you, was what one of them said. Especially when when they went to court he came along with a photo of his new baby girl and shoved it under my aunt´s nose and said "this is something I have that you will never have" after she was childless at 47 because he decided he didn´t want children. His mask slipped. Some neighbours started inviting her places, which they hadn´t before, because they admitted they couldnçt stand her husband!

I lost a group of friends who were my friends. All were married, 2 were on second marriages. It hit me hard. I really needed them and thought they were good friends.
I think when I reflected on it that they believe I was having an affair. They didn't ask just presumed. I should have called them out on their shitty behaviour towards me either way.
I saw them big upping my ex on sm for things like giving blood which I encouraged him to do and they knew it. I deleted them all from my sm and it feels better but I was very hurt for a long time.

It took me a while to want to make more friends tbh after that. I've got a few people I do things with from same hobby group but I don't feel like I want to pursue a proper friendship with in case I get let down by them.

Try a new activity and just be you where you can't be judged on past experiences. Keep smiling, it's hard I know.

Sorry to hear this, I had this too.

I was half prepared to lose some joint friends especially the ones that were his before we got together. I didn’t expect to lose my close friends and family.

I remember at a family funeral one Aunt said to me “you’re just on different paths” and she walked away. Another Aunt sort of half listened but her husband (my blood uncle), ushered her away.

Most females looked at me as some vixen out for prey of some poor married man to get my revenge. Nothing could be further from the truth, I felt very alone and isolated.

What I gathered was people didn’t want drama in their lives, my divorce was their drama. They’d rather look the other way or talk about happy things with other people. I was careful too as others were attracted to drama and laughed “my life was better than Eastenders”. Often people I part knew were often the best listeners.

Torrid time, now when people are getting divorced I sit down with them and listen.

Wishing you the very best future x

Yes. You could be me. I could have written the same post.

we didn’t have loads of joint friends to be honest. But I had friends who gradually stopped keeping in touch. They’re mostly married couples of which the mums I had met a baby groups when we first moved to the area. I think it started when they just kept going on couples nights out and I’d not get invited. Then girls nights even stopped. Then the ones I would meet in the day for play dates with the kids (all varying ages of kids) also stopped inviting me on play dates.

Someone else suggested that some couples worry that divorce is contagious!!

We don't have any joint friends so no!

I lost one female friend post-divorce because she would never accept that I didn’t know her husband was having an affair before she did — it was an international situation, and he used to stay with us in London on his way from their home country to where the OW lived (where he travelled regularly for work), but we knew nothing till she told us. Her ex and the OW have been married for years now.

And, rather unexpectedly, I’ve become far closer to the ex of a school gate friend since she divorced him and moved away. I still see her occasionally, but I’ve become good friends with him since thrn, which feels odd, but they’re amiable, and still very much involved co-parents, and he’s now a neighbour, while she’s a long way away.

Sorry, that was intended to be from the perspective of a friend who was ‘lost’.

So many :(

Yes. I have also found this so painful and worse than the split tbh. Have felt betrayed by various friends and completely let down by others. But also realise that a lot of people in my past life were not great friends and gave bare minimum. Have felt completely alone for months on end and no support. It's very very hard. It makes me angry and I want to lash out but pointless.

My life was worse than Eastenders and so I pulled back from a lot of friends. I kept a close core of friends, but the friendships changed simply because of what I was going through.

I was ruthless with cutting off gossipmongers as well.

It don't know if it's hindered or helped that I have since moved countries and am effectively starting over. I have family here so don't need as many friends.

If you're clearly happy and thriving as a single person it can be threatening to people whose marriages aren't working well. Particularly men who think you will inspire their wives to stop putting up with their shit.

I understand people having a lot on but even in my darkest days, if my friends needed me I'd still ask if they were okay and I wouldn't be dropping people. I just think some people can be selfish op.

Maybe they just aren't your real friends. Like a pp said maybe give it some time. But sometimes the ones who step up are the ones we don't expect to. You usually find out in times like these, who will weather the storm with you.