Marital finances

[1Wanda1]

If you are married and both work, but one earns a lot more than the other, how do you organise your finances?

1. Everything into joint account(s), both partners have equal access to money and equal decision-making about spending.

1. Separate personal finances, contributing equal amounts into joint account for mortgage/rent and other shared costs. Money leftover after contributing to the joint account belongs entirely to the person who earned it.

1. Same as 2, but with higher earner contributing more into the joint account.

We both have previous marriages, with our own children from that, and own obligations to some other dependent family members. We have no mutual children and neither of us are sacrificing careers for the other/ a child. We have very different incomes but also very different spending and money management approaches. Eg he is freelance and invests almost everything he earns for future earning capability, and often invests more than he has to get bigger payoffs later. I am slow and steady fully employed, who likes to know I have savings and always lives below my means.

It just saves a huge amount of stress by basically having independent finances. We also have a premarital agreement on that basis.

Sounds like she has you right where she wants you.

You take all the hits for the family career wise while she banks the money.

I think you are being massively used.

She sounds awful.

I would be having a good old think because you have not made the best decisions, particularly as you already had children.

Get some legal advice.

We're totally separate. Same amount in the joint account each month and that's it. We have no access to each others finances and so as we wish with our own money.

@1Wanda1 if you are married /partnered, you will inherit her savings and access to them, unless she leaves them elsewhere.
I'm also in a samesex relationship and think your partner is being selfish. Lesbians (or however you define yourselves) have a very short history of legal partnerships and sometimes it's helpful to look at how straight women have learned to protect themselves. Childcare and being part time to parent are generally joint issues that both partners should carry the weight of.
I hope you can get a rethink on this.