Marital finances

[1Wanda1]

If you are married and both work, but one earns a lot more than the other, how do you organise your finances?

1. Everything into joint account(s), both partners have equal access to money and equal decision-making about spending.

1. Separate personal finances, contributing equal amounts into joint account for mortgage/rent and other shared costs. Money leftover after contributing to the joint account belongs entirely to the person who earned it.

1. Same as 2, but with higher earner contributing more into the joint account.

None of the above. We consider our money joint but we both have our own bank accounts. Sometimes I pay things, sometimes DH does, we don’t keep track of who pays what as we move our money freely between us as and when required.

1. It was a dealbreaker for me, XDH was very controlling with money so for my next marriage it was non negotiable. At that stage I earned about 2x what DH earned.

We do 1, always have. We don't view anything in terms of his vs mine, it's just ours.
We both earn a similar amount, perhaps that makes it easier, but I couldn't see this changing even if one started to dramatically outearn the other, its just the way we've always viewed money, as family money.

1

DH earns more than me but everything goes into the main joint account then the money for the mortgage and bills goes by a SO to another joint account. What's left is put into savings and the rest used for food petrol treats etc.

Now you've picked everyone's brains OP, what do you think/do/want?

@1Wanda1

No joint accounts here. Currently I earn more, so I pay more. In the past it was the other way round.

We both know how much each other earns, how much savings we have and what are outgoings are. Being open and able to discuss finances means we've never felt the need to get a joint account.

1. and really if you are married I can't understand choosing 2 or 3. Everything belongs to you both anyway unless you have a prenup.

1, everyone is different but I personally wouldn't countenance a marriage that didn't take this financial approach.

We do 3, which is how DW wants it. I am the lower earner. I would prefer to do 1. Failing that, the option many seem to adopt, of pooling everything but then transferring equal amounts to own accounts for discretionary spending sounds fair.

1. I guess. DH pays more towards bills than I do. We have joint savings. DH doesn't spend money on himself though, just house and garden stuff. If I was concerned about a partners spending habits then I'd insist on a different set up.

None of these.

We have separate accounts, nothing joint.

We each pay some of the bills and have no idea what each other's bill total comes to. I know I earn more and have loads more leftover and therefore I have more savings and pay for one off things like holidays and home improvements. If he runs out of money, he says so and I pay instead.

It's very loose! But ultimately we have enough between us and don't worry about the details of how it is split.

Combination of 2 and 3. I was the much higher earner by x3. Mortgage and house costs like council tax split 50/50. Then I paid all childcare costs (twins so cost more than mortgage 🙄) I also paid for any big house repair bills and holidays.

I had more spending money. Why? Because I worked bloody hard to get where I have multiple degrees and professional qualifications, challenging and high pressured job. He....didn't. Not that he couldn't....he most definitely could have but had no ambition or get up and go. I wasn't about to subsidise his spending money. If he wanted more he should have gone out and earnt it

Unpopular opinion I'm well aware. But that's because on MN the majority of women on here earn less than partners/husbands

What's her logic @1Wanda1 ?

She says it's because she feels I'm bad with money. This feeling doesn't derive from any actual overspending by me of our money, but is because when we met I had a lot of credit card debt. I had been a single mother for 10 years earning not that much, and for several of those years didn't get any child maintenance either, so things like broken down car, washing machine etc went on credit card, which I then could never afford to pay off, and over time the interest increased the amount.

Nowadays, after I pay my contribution into our joint account and put what I need to pay for travel to work aside, I have about £200 a month left. DW is a very high earner and puts a lot into savings, which she says are "our savings" but (1) I have no idea where this money is or how much of it there is and (2) when we argue about money, she says her money is her money.

I'm feeling upset that in a recent discussion, she said she plans to retire in 10 years (she'd be 50 at the time) and play golf and do the school pick ups (we also have a child together) and I can stop being stressed about school pick ups and focus on my work. I'm 8 years older than her. I will have to work until I am 67 if "our" retirement is based on our independent abilities to fund our own retirements. I suppose I had imagined that we would retire together and do things together because jointly, we'd be able to afford to.

It all feels a bit unlike what I think marriage is for, but as I'm the person who essentially wants my spouse to give me some of her money, I suppose it's easy for me to say that. I just wondered how common this "separate finances" arrangement is.

I'm married and do 3 think it's what works best for the couple tbh!

We do 3 because DH and I have very different approaches to savings he does the stock market with his money whereas I'm more risk adverse and like to know money isn't going to go down (cocid pandemic was a particular hard hit for him!) We both put into a joint savings account then our own separate saving methods.

We also spend very differently and rather then having conversations about if he's going to buy a new pair of running trainers for £150 for example he just does it as his money after the joint account is to do as he wishes.

Joint account covers all bills, childcare, child activities and clothes etc.

@1Wanda1 the savings thing needs readdressing. Do you have a joint savings account?
We have joint savings and separate (my DH does stock market which makes me uneasy). But crucially our joint savings is the biggest pot and both have access to it.

It all feels a bit unlike what I think marriage is for

I wouldn't be happy either. Wants to have more money, and more leisure in a few years. No ta.

Ours are completely joint and always have been. My husband tends to manage the finances (joint decision - he’s great with them), but I have access to everything. Over the years we have earned similar and then I went part time when we had children; this was again a joint decision as his earning potential is greater. He’s earning six figures now and I’m on about £25k before tax. I will go back full time in 18 months or so as my career is doing well and I enjoy it, but can’t progress much more whilst I’m part time.

Our money has always been joint; we have similar financial habits and aligned goals. Any bonuses or inheritance goes into the joint pot and we both decide what to do with it.

Each to their own. I just find it hard to understand as all the money belongs to both people once you're married, so really there is no 'his money' and 'my money' (unless you create that illusion).

No joint savings account

We have one current account that all of our income goes into and all of our bills come out of. I tend to have the accountant role, but both of us agree beforehand on large purchases. Sometimes he has been the main breadwinner, ie when the dc were little, and sometimes I have been.

Number 3 - OH earns more than me so puts in more to the joint for bills and mortgage and we are left with about the same amount each in our personal accounts.

But some aspects are his money which have come from inheritance it wasn't my relative that died therefore its for him to decide how he wants to spend it as it was left to him not his relative putting both our names down.

We also save independently for our DS's as again he does stocks and shares and I do traditional savings accounts its still our children's accounts.

It keeps the harmony in our marriage and we never argue over money. He knows money stresses me out (I have literally counted pennies before to afford a meal when younger although now the higher earner) and stocks and shares to me is too risky.

So I think this is where you should start with readdressing the balance and setting up a joint savings which a greater share should go into. If the savings are both yours then you should both have access.