Marital finances

[1Wanda1]

If you are married and both work, but one earns a lot more than the other, how do you organise your finances?

1. Everything into joint account(s), both partners have equal access to money and equal decision-making about spending.

1. Separate personal finances, contributing equal amounts into joint account for mortgage/rent and other shared costs. Money leftover after contributing to the joint account belongs entirely to the person who earned it.

1. Same as 2, but with higher earner contributing more into the joint account.

DH earns twice as much as me. We have a joint account for food shopping which we put equal amounts into each month. I transfer him a set amount each month for mortgage/bills - not as much as he pays towards them. The rest of our money is our own, although he saves a lot and considers that to be 'our' savings.

DH earns five times what I do so pays five times more into the joint pot for all joint bills, childcare, holidays etc. The remainder of our salaries is for each of us to spend or save as we wish. Therefore I like to save and he can spend £100 on a shirt and I don't bat an eyelid. No running anything past each other.
Worked well for thirty years.

I worked away a lot and spent a lot on trivia magazines, chocolate, biscuits, coffee etc. Sometimes I needed extra. OH spent very little. His built up and we'd use it for a weekend away together, on one occasion when I was having a hard time at work he used his excess for me to have a weekend away on my own to relax. After that it sort of seemed hard on him that I was using my allowance while he was spending it all on family things and it led to us just dropping the whole allowance idea.

I'm curious about these spouses who save in an individual account but profess that it's 'joint savings'. Of course it's not. It's just as easy to have a joint savings account. The fact that the higher earner has decided to save it separately is a choice, and not a choice to have 'joint' savings.

It seems so clear to me, is it just denial?

Never have joint accounts but all of our accounts are accessible by both of us. All money is ours and all expenses are ours.

I create direct debits from each account to pay for bills, balancing what goes out from where. DH never knows (he can if he wants to but not bothered) which bills are paid from which account. His current account always have enough for his own spending. I check the accounts every now and then and can see what he spends which he does not mind.

I even sign up on his behalf to credit card accounts that have perks like cash back or points, I arrange direct debit, online access etc. He uses the card for family spending etc. I can see all on banking apps.

We earn about the same, have separate accounts where we pay pretty much equal bills from and a joint account where food etc comes out of. He is bad with money and I don't want to completely merge finances as currently I can save some (joint savings but in my name) which is used for family holidays, home improvements etc. if he had access it would be spent on things that he thinks are "important" like comics or some shit.

I wish it could be 1 but ultimately it would not benefit us as a family.

Agreeing how we would split finances was one of the things now DH and I discussed before we moved in together.

We got married within a year of moving in together.

I'm surprised by how many people here on MN appear to not be happy with their current financial arrangements. Why would you move in together / get married before you are happy with the way your partner wants to arrange your finances?

I happen to think that arrangements for couples who share children, especially where one partner's career has been impacted by childcare, would be very different to those who do not share children.

Arrangements may also need to be different where money is tight and/or one partner has significantly more or less than the other. I'd still distinguish between people who have health or other issues which prevent them from maximising their earnings and those who choose to accept lower wages for an easy life.

It's exactly because there is no one way that works for everyone, that I would want to agree how things will work before moving in or, even, getting serious about each other.

Also no joint saving accounts but I create savings accounts for both of us, going where the highest interest is, taking advantage of our current accounts benefits. We currently have 5 different regular savers between us, I created them all and set up standing orders.

3

I probably spend more from my leftover money on our DD (going out, fun clothes etc) but DH spends more on the house as he likes to do little fixes here and there.

Any savings we have are accessible for any joint needs even though they are in our own names. We just get an expense and then transfer money from our savings to cover it. It's a psychological thing for us- if we have our own money pots then we feel free to spend on our own wants to as opposed to checking with each other. My DH would not think my spending as much as I do on my hair as a good use of money, nor do I see him changing all the plug switches just so they match is a good use either.

We don't hold any resentment or mistrust for each other just because we have separate savings pots. We also add a surplus into the joint account each month so I guess we cover all bases.

We pay into the joint account an amount that leaves us with the same amount left each after. That stays in our personal accounts to spend how we wish.

Higher earner contributes more to bills as they earn more. Only thing we don't share is any bonuses as they're given to the individual so see that as our own treat.

What's a lot more?

DH took home about 40% more last year.

Half bills/Mortgage etc., food money in joint account.

We both save an equal amount into joint savings.

What ever left is our own personal.

However, as the higher earner, DH tends to pick up the tab if we go out to eat, all the little extras, often treats me (like picking up my recent £400 car bill) and has so far absorbed the difference in engergy bills rather than pass them on.

So I don't feel hard done by paying an even half at all.

The OP has been a single parent with all the time penalty and costs that involves though. She has achieved different thing, not least bringing up DC herself and holding down a job.

I don’t really understand the point of marriage if everything is not shared. I understand the point in Scotland that assets before the marriage remain the property of the person who had them, but surely when you get married, assets are pooled? It’s going to breed resentment, surely, if one person is retired and swanning around at 50 and the other keeps on slogging until 67.

(I am single though, so what do I know?)

We were on arrangement no 2, then transitioned to arrangement no 3 as my salary grew and the gap between our wages became larger.
Then DH lost his job and I've had to support him through a retrain, as well as buying him equipment and now a bloody van! So we've transitioned to1 arrangement no 1 and will stay with this ongoing.
We've been together 18 years.

A lot of it is to do with access on the highest interest instant access accounts it's not possible to add a second account holder on them not necessarily denial (some couples may have that though!)

We actually have 3 joint savings accounts 1 we both have access to as its on our banking app (rate is crap though) then 1 each called joint in higher interest accounts with separate saving pot splits. But it's all tracked on a spreadsheet (yes I'm that geeky!)

2 for us. DH earns bit more so will often pay for treats for us both.

Rather a patronising message there. DW and I are both lawyers. I trained and started work as a lawyer as a single mum of 2 young kids. DW started her career unfettered by responsibility to others. She was therefore more able to devote all her time to progressing. She's also brilliant at her job. I did well enough but couldn't do all the evenings out with clients etc because of my children.

Then when we married and decided to have a child together, although she is younger than me, I carried our child, I took the mat leave, I took the hit to my career that entailed. In our domestic life, I do more of the sick days, pick-ups etc, because her job is just more stressful than mine and it usually works out easier for me to do that, though obviously that also over time means I am working less hard than she is. Plus, she's just better at her job than I am.

2, except we don't have a joint account (he transfers his 50% to me and all bills come out of my account)

We're not high earners (me £27-29K depending on overtime and him £16K) however he chooses to work less hours than he could (self employed) whereas I choose to work any and all overtime I can get so I don't feel I should have to subsidise his financial choices

He also wouldn't hear of paying less than 50% anyway, he's always been very clear on that and we live a lifestyle that we can both afford, I just save my extra and buy clothes (which he has no interest in)

It's absolutely fundamental to the whole principle of marriage imo. Why even get married if you're not in it together as equals, for better or worse?

It sounds like you need a discussion around that you are currently taking the financial hit for your joint child and how is that fair?

We have our own current account and have the same monthly completely disposable income.
everything else is in joint accounts split according to income.

3, in ratios to take home earnings (about 1:3 ). I pay for holidays and child stuff too (am higher earner)

Because of childcare I also made a HUGE mistake financially,

I am now catching up on my career, and studying & plan to earn twice as much as I do know and then as much as my DH if not more.

Childcare NEVER pays off.

I should have done more with my career when our son was younger.

I would be happy if my DH retired earlier as early as he wanted.

His initial dream was to retire at 50 too.:). He is 56 now. If he retires at 60, it will be great.

I am 43. I plan to do better with my career and retire at 60 too.

Well done for graduating as a barrister.