Marital finances

[1Wanda1]

If you are married and both work, but one earns a lot more than the other, how do you organise your finances?

1. Everything into joint account(s), both partners have equal access to money and equal decision-making about spending.

1. Separate personal finances, contributing equal amounts into joint account for mortgage/rent and other shared costs. Money leftover after contributing to the joint account belongs entirely to the person who earned it.

1. Same as 2, but with higher earner contributing more into the joint account.

I owned my house when we got married and so I've always paid most of the household bills. I earn over double what he does. We both put £550 into the joint account and that pays for gas and electric plus all food and fuel. The rest we keep to ourselves in our own accounts. I daresay he has more disposable income a month than me, but if I ever mention I'm short he transfers me whatever I ask for. It works well for us. We don't have to account for any money we decide to spend on ourselves and also put whatever we can into a savings account for holidays!

All in one joint account.

We also have a few saving / investment accounts, some to my name some to his, but we share all accesses.

We use the same money management app so we can both see exactly how much we have and how much we spend etc.

We had complete trust from the beginning of our relationship. We dont ever consider your money or my money, everything is ours. I stopped working after having kids but I have full access to everything. Hubby is a saver and I am a spender, he doesnt restrict me from buying anything and doesnt check what I buy, but im usually not unreasonable with spendings. We work really well as a team. I wouldnt have liked option 2 or 3.

This is worrying if you are married I think. My husband sees his money as family money and savings are there as insurance, for holidays etc. For us it doesn’t matter than one earns 4 x what the other does; we both work hard. It just so happens that I work hard part of the week looking after the children and house whilst he works. We all benefit from this and no one is quicker to say that than him! I’m not sure our way is the norm though - we just see everything in our marriage as a joint responsibility and any successes are joint successes. He’s the first to say he wouldn’t be earning what he does if I hadn’t taken the pressure off re childcare, domestic duties etc, and so his high earnings are in part because of me.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with managing it that way but legally it all belongs to both of you, unless you have a prenup or a very short marriage.

We just don't see the point in creating that illusion and are happy to jointly manage finances. I wouldn't mention to my husband if I bought a £150 pair of shoes, it's still my/ our money to each do with as we like. We just don't see the need to split it.

1, with a small amount (under £100) each month into a personal account each for personal expenses eg clothes, gifts, hobbies.

1

The other thing to think about is worst case. If she was hit by a bus, it would take you a little time to access those savings. And you wouldn't necessarily even know where they were or what's in them. That's precarious.

I doubt I'd be able to access them at all, as the account is in her name only.

2 - and we never argue about money. Married 30 years, I am the higher earner.

Everything we have is shared.
When we were first married DH wasn’t working and I was the sole earner. Then another stage I was a high earner and he earned less. Then his earnings increased and we started our family so I was a SAHM for 15 years. Now I am a low earner (non taxpayer) and he earns 5 or 6 times what I do.
Through all these phases we have always had a joint account with equal access where all income goes. In the early years we eked out money to make ends meet so all spending had to be discussed and strictly budgeted - these days we can both spend more or less what we want (but I spend the most). Savings are actually all in my name because of my non taxpayer situation but we still call it “ours”.

We share all our money- but no joint accounts. DH earns about 4x what I earn.

I happen to pay all the bills except mortgage, and I buy all food and stuff for the kids. But if I need some extra I ask and he transfers money to me. He pays for all the holidays.

We consider all our money to be joint. For several years when first married I was the sole earner- and he lived off me. Then I was a SAHM and lived off him.

@CouldBeOuting I could've written your post pretty much word for word!

I also have more in savings due to tax.

We're a 1 as well. Money's never been an issue for us we both know what each of us earn and always have. Like others we each took an amount each month for odds snd ends (chocolate,tea/coffee etc) if you needed more just take a bit more. Eventually this seemed silly as it was all coming out the same pot anyway. I spent more on 'extras' than him and when we were discussing it I found that most of his spending was treats for me or our girls. Now we simply put a bit of cash aside before Christmas so we can buy a present for each other without it coming straight out the account. After some family issues I ended up retiring quite early and he was the sole earner, wasn't an issue.

We both tend to be savers though I like holidays, he'd be happy sitting at the back door or down the allotment.

No longer married; but up until recently...
3.
One separate joint account for household bills, of which we each added an amount which was (roughly) proportionate to our individual income. 2/3 of the monthly household funds came from ex-husband and 1/3 from myself. He worked full time (and earned a much higher annual salary than me), and I worked part time (24hrs/wk) since our eldest was born, as that's what we agreed worked best for our household, with regards to child care etc. We each then had money left in our personal bank accounts to spend as we wished.

@spelunky it works a bit different in Scotland anything pre marriage (including property and some pension values) aren't generally considered. I would have zero claim on 40k for instance as this was inheritance my DH recieved before marriage.

We will pool our pensions when we get there but for now it works for us. I would never spend £150 on shoes DH does running as a hobby so doesn't think twice about it. He's had a very stable financial family background (not rich but always comfortable) whereas my dad was declared bankrupt and it caused financial havoc for my family. My mum always told me no matter what make sure you always have your own account and own savings (alongside joint ones) so I always have!

We are 1 - all money goes in to the joint pot - but we then get an equal amount of our own personal spends per month and that's enough to cover any solo trips, clothes or toy purchases necessary.

Those that have a set amount of spending money allocated every month, do you spend all of it?

I would say most women expect their husbands to earn about the same as them or more, not less or much less.

Do you have an average income or are you on a minimum wage?

It depends on what we’re doing.

we do that separate because we spend differently.

DH is a dribs and drabs spender - takeaway coffee, magazine subs, the odd night out here and there, computer games and the likes.

Whereas I’m nothing for a month then I’m hair done because I randomly want to change the colour, three expensive nights out in a row, new (not needed) shoes, and a spa day. Then nothing for a while.

Is your wife in a management role?

How can you personally start earning more instead of asking your wife to give you some of her money?

Historically & traditionally a mas has been a provider and a main breadwinner. Now with gender equality & equal opportunities, things have changed a lot and quite often many wives earn more than their husbands and can outperform them at work.

She has worked very hard to retire at 50 and can do it if she decides. Try to match her achievement.

I've saved mine up for a year so I can go on a trip with a friend. DH has spent his on beer, video games and trinkets.

But because we have it, I don't mither him about his frittering and he doesn't mither me about spending a crap load on a holiday.

We have sensible savings as well, obviously.

Why do you argue about the money?

What is there to argue about?

I usually spend most of mine, DH has a lot saved up. But when he does make a purchase it will be £££. I buy a lot of books and love a charity shop browse, and have hobbies with more ongoing expense whilst his are more occasional but more £££ at a time spending wise.