Marital finances

[1Wanda1]

If you are married and both work, but one earns a lot more than the other, how do you organise your finances?

1. Everything into joint account(s), both partners have equal access to money and equal decision-making about spending.

1. Separate personal finances, contributing equal amounts into joint account for mortgage/rent and other shared costs. Money leftover after contributing to the joint account belongs entirely to the person who earned it.

1. Same as 2, but with higher earner contributing more into the joint account.

I graduated as a teacher in the country I was born in but I don't want to be a teacher in the UK.

I don't want too much crazy stress & too long working hours.

I want to earn one million to start with :). Teaching won't give me that.

1

DH and I have swapped about over the years for who earns more. We consider all money family money that goes towards paying bills and savings. Both salaries are paid into the joint account and then we both have our own accounts from before we got married and our own credit cards. A few bills still come out of our own accounts but money comes from the joint account to pay these. This works well for us and we are both equal in large spending decisions.

If you were the partner whose career was affected (and still is) more by having a child (belonging to both of you), then you absolutely should not suffer loss of earnings because of this when your wife earns very well. Similarly to you, my career took a hit when I had children (I have worked very hard since and it is back on track although I’m not yet full time again), but my husband recognises that we’re a team and me doing that was just as valuable as him progressing onto higher earnings. They’re our children not just mine.

Have you explained this to your wife?

In your situation, we would chooe to pool the £40k, because we are married and why wouldn't we.

If we for some strange reason didn't pool it then it would be kept as a lump sum in one account and everything else would still be pooled.

Married couples separating finances simply does not make sense to me. It seems to go against what marriage means legally and morally. If you've got to a stage where you are marrying someone then you are all in for the rest of your life - that's what marriage means. It simply doesn't compute to me to have 'separate' finances when you're married.

Each to their own but I simply don't get it.

3, always have your own money, savings account & a running away fund. Have a direct debit or standing order on payday to the joint household account & then have your own day to day money, savings & secret stash for if you need it if the relationship breaks down.

I agree - and legally everything is shared too, so it's just a facade of financial seperation.

Absolutely correct. For a variety of reasons are finances are combined in some ways and some not. But its very transparent - we share a financial adviser and all assets are pooled in the discussions, and we share a superannuation fund (I am not from the UK). Adn when I went back to work after mat leave - DH paid all childcare fees/costs. Yes, I know we share but it meant that my money that was in my name was not decimated at the early stages.

And retiring early to watch you slave away. Lovely attitude.

How does that work if one person earns less than childcare costs, or they can't get childcare at all eg due to SEN?

What about when one person earns 15k and the other 150k? You could have the lower person only paying £1 a month for expenses and the other still having loads more.

I suppose I just think, why get married at all if you're not going to share?

1. We share everything. We have our own bank accounts but it's all shared and evened out. Unless you have assets or children before marriage I find it strange not to share.

House in both names, no mortgage, bills are split roughly equally between us. DH covers house maintenance and I sort the kids. Apart from that all finances are kept totally separate. I have property in my sole name , DH has investment portfolio.

We review our wonga situation on a regular-ish basis.

We're 50% likely not to split though, probably even far less chance now we've been together over thirty years. And separate accounts prevent any ill feeling or conflict or resentment over how 'spare' money is spent. DH likes a bit of betting and would spend ££ on clothes. I wouldn't be happy with that coming out of a joint pot. Different priorities.

I think pertinent to the issue is the idea that one of you will retire early whilst the other one cannot. This doesn’t make any sense to me in a marriage; why not stay single then? Surely your desired trajectory as a married couple is a shared retirement where you can spend more time together doing things you love - together and individually.

I think this speaks volumes and really you need to sit down and have a conversation about what the future looks like.

Well I’d stop doing sick days etc. she can do them all for the next ten years, assuming you stay together that long. I couldn’t stay in that arrangement.

1. I wouldn't want any other set up as we're a team and you also never know how things can change

1, been that way since the month before we got married. When we moved in together we each had our own accounts and opened a join account. I can't remember how much we put in each, it was probably 50/50 but we were never strict. A couple of months before we got married we both went overdrawn in our own accounts but our joint account had money. My DH account charged him despite him having an overdraft so we decided to close all 3 accounts and move bank. My (future) DH suggested at that point we just open a join account and we have done that since.

For most of our relationship he earned more than me. Then 7 years ago I got a new job and started to match him and now out earn him.

It doesn't matter though, it's all family money. We have equal access and spend as we like but do discuss big purchases.

Stop doing sick days etc if she's too selfish to share.

We each get paid our salaries then transfer all money other than some spending money (the same amount each) into either joint savings or joint account. Means we both get the same spending money to do what we want with and it means my DH who earns double what I do still puts more into the pot for joint expenditure like holidays etc.

how does putting all your money in one pot make you more of a team 🤔
sounds so sanctimonious

we do no 3 probably because we’re not a team 😉

We did number 3 for the first five years and have recently switched to number 1. He's wanted to join finances for years and now I finally feel like I'm not taking advantage of his higher earnings.

Option 3 - I’m the higher earner, so I contribute more but also have more money left over at the end of the month, which I put into family savings anyway to be fair. I think this works for us as neither of us really have expensive hobbies or would go ‘lording’ the extra money in front of the other if that makes sense. I imagine 1 would get tricky if one party earned way less but was a real spendthrift and burned through all the savings on expensive trainers or whatever (this is an extreme example!)

My savings may not be in a joint account but they are always spent on joint things. I really don't see what's so shocking!

My savings may not be in a joint account but they are always spent on joint things. I really don't see what's so shocking

Ours are much the same. For example, the money for my husband’s new car (i.e. the one that he primarily drives) came from a savings account under my name.

2 is fine if you don't have kids, but if/once you do then it should really be 1.

If your incomes are wildly different then surely that is a compatability consideration that was discussed before marriage?

When we got married the gap in our incomes was not as big. In the intervening period, DW has accelerated hugely up the career ladder while I have progressed more slowly. I've also had a baby and mat leave, though even if I hadn't, I wouldn't have progressed to her level (and probably never will).

if our savings were in a joint savings account then there would be tax on the interest. As I am a non taxpayer having the savings in my name means no tax. Also the type of savings account we have offers better interest rates and isn’t available in joint names.