Dh wants to leave

[Notsureofnextsteps81]

Dh and I have been in a rocky patch for a while. We have good and bad days but the bad days are being more frequent

Last night he announced he wanted to leave and was pretty ready to pack his bags and go (he didn't in the end) this was brought on by the fact I wouldn't leave our 18 month old screaming on the step where he had been put by dh to calm down as he was having a tantrum)

He says I am controlling and I undermine him. He thinks I'm a bad wife as I don't give him enough attention, we don't have enough sex and when we do it's the same boring thing all the time

We have 2 children (7 years and 18 months) and both have busy full time jobs. He also works 4 weeks out of 6 on nights.

Majority of childcare falls to me when he is nights (understandably) but then he gets upset when I just get on and do stuff around the house and don't ask him for help

I don't know what to do

You are clinging on to a 'man' who doesn't give a shiny shit. You need to look at why that is. Your self esteem must be at rock bottom. Please don't pass that on to your children. Want more for them.

@Notsureofnextsteps81 how are you ?

@Notsureofnextsteps81

I know exactly why you don't want to let go, you think you're better with him than without him, you think it's better being with a man like this than being a single parent. Also, no-one can tell you what to do, I was given all the advice under the sun but didn't listen. One day it just clicked that my partner was a douche and my child and I are better off without him.

Please look re-read the things you've posted about him and let it sink in. What does he bring to the relationship? What does he bring to the household? This guy is going to wear you down and he's already calling you names infront of the kids and I suspect he's playing mind games with you, if he really wanted to leave he'd be gone by now. Next time he says he's leaving let him.

I’m so sorry OP. Please read (in private) Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft. You can download on kindle or Apple Books can’t remember which. I know reading a book seems a vast undertaking when you’re already juggling children/work and survival, but I promise this one is worth it. It is very accessible, insightful and compassionate. I hope it might really help you - it did really help me. Not in a magic want way but in a “I’m not actually losing my mind after all” way. (Not feeling that you’re losing your mind is pretty valuable - I had forgotten that at the time). 💐

@Notsureofnextsteps81 how are things? Did you leave in the end or did things improve?

You know he can't handle being a parent so the idea that you won't see these children for days is a non-issue.

But it does not appear that he loves you.