Text out of the blue from former crush

[Meltedcheeses]

I was friendly with a male colleague (both single) and felt we were inching towards one of us suggesting a date. I like him.

I got offered a new job and was put on garden leave...marched out of office and told not to contact colleagues.

This colleague (call him Tom) and I have had a handful of emails from his work address to my personal one since...work related.

Tuesday night got a text at 9.30 from this colleague...had given up hope! It was brief and pleasant. Not flirty. I replied very briefly (Thank you) and the conversation stopped, ie he didn't reply.

Wednesday night I sent a similar text to his Tuesday one. He replied two words.

He didn't need to get in touch. And he could have emailed. And he could have done it in the daytime.

But then he doesn't seem interested in chatting.

We had had a strong connection. I'd written it off but him texting has put my head in a bit of spin.

Tell me I'm being stupid. I know I'm being stupid.

Yes, just e-mail, it's not a big deal. If it's not meant to be then you'll 100 % know and be able to move on. If he likes you, he certainly won't mind your email.

Most Probably the big brother is being a factor with his email comms, you can always send him a short email “hi something really funny happened regarding x and y team bummer I just changed my phone handset and lost many numbers, your included. Best, xyz”

@Sandra1984

Most Probably the big brother is being a factor with his email comms, you can always send him a short email “hi something really funny happened regarding x and y team bummer I just changed my phone handset and lost many numbers, your included. Best, xyz”

I just envisioned a Nigerian Prince 😂

She can just be honest, it's not a big deal, and then he can Whatsapp her again

OK. I am going to walk dog on beach and consider.

He still has my number after all. Unless he is also a twat and deleted it to stop himself texting me but all in all I think he is more grown up.

You mean just be honest and tell him “hi, my head is a wobble and I really like you so I deleted your number to refrain myself from texting you more “

Not a good idea 🤣 specially if it’s work environment. Will make things pretty akward for the guy.

Yes I don't think he'll believe i lost his number accidentally so 8f I email I just have to email (which means I'm contacting g him professionally not personally so we're still in the same muddle)

I could change my profile pic on WhatsApp to one of me in a bikini and take a gamble on him having a drink tonight, scrolling his phone and deciding g he has to text me?

I really am so annoying.

I@Meltedcheeses could change my profile pic on WhatsApp to one of me in a bikini and take a gamble on him having a drink tonight, scrolling his phone and deciding g he has to text me?

This is pretty desperate OP, he’s already told you he’s not interested in going for a drink. Stay low key and classy with this guy, he’s a work colleague in a senior position…

Hey Mark,

First day at company X today. A bit stressful.

I even ended up deleting a lot of Whataspp my contacts yesterday (hence this e-mail) by accident.

This was a bit awkward because as much a company X seems nice, I can't help but miss the old team. How are you all doing? I hope all is well.

Kind regards,

Joanna Hawthrone-Essex

Good one. Short, polite, friendly and to the point. No bikini pictures attached please 🤣😂🤣

@Meltedcheeses

I could change my profile pic on WhatsApp to one of me in a bikini and take a gamble on him having a drink tonight, scrolling his phone and deciding g he has to text me?

👁

I just clutched my pearls. I can't believe you were taking the mickey 😵🐒

Ah this is funny op. I’m sure I’d be the same- over thinking everything. In a way it’s probably way harder when you’re older. It’s that fear of rejection I suppose.

I think you just need a push so I’m voting for you to send a brief E mail .. channel your inner Miss Hawthron-Essex she sounds like she has her shit together 😂

If he doesn’t start a conversation then his loss eh? Don’t take it personally.

I dunno, I tend to think that if you give something your best shot and it all feels an uphill struggle, it's not meant to be.

However I think given your atrocious flirting game so far, it could be worthwhile.

Can you ask another old colleague for his number and pretend the deleting never happened?

I also think a lot of your recent interactions have been along the lines of "oh this great thing happened to me" so maybe he's feeling a bit left behind/jealous? so if this is another of these he might not want to hear about it!

Email him.

What have you actually got to lose?

I would email and say "silly me I lost your number - here's mine"

Then the ball is in his court.

If he didn’t respond at all to your text asking to go for a drink, then it’s pretty evident he’s not interested. Something happened between the hug he gave you when you left to his very noncommittal exchanges since. He may be dating someone now. He may have been told something, true or false, about you at work that’s put him off you. He may never have intended to give romantic vibes and when he realized you liked him, he backed way off. It could be a million things. Forget him and move on. There shouldn’t be all this angst or agonizing, truly. When it’s right, you won’t have to wonder.

@MysteryBelle I have never texted him and asked him for a drink.

I take your broader point but a) we aren't supposed to be in touch other than through monitored work channels for necessary info share and b) I've not asked him for a drink. I've mentioned HIS reference to us having a drink together and said I think it's a good idea

@Meltedcheeses, but he didn’t respond at all to your text mentioning (his previous idea of) going for a drink being a good idea, right? And that made you wonder whether he was really interested. If you look at my previous comment to you way back on the thread, you’ll see I thought at first he is interested and I’m still with you, I just think you’re agonizing too much over him. Monday will be end of garden leave, right? I guess you’ll get a better idea then. Do you think you’ll email him Monday? (If you haven’t already, I may not have seen all your updates, you said something about emailing him (because you deleted his number) about something funny he’d appreciate.

I’m another one who didn’t know what garden leave was! I was racking my brain 😂

Yes @MysteryBelle you are right that he didn't reply at all to that topic!

I think garden leave ends on Monday.

I don't feel hopeful.

My new job will be great though and life is better than it's been in a long time...you can't have everything!

@Meltedcheeses, I’m glad you’ve found a better job and everything is going well. This guy may eventually get back in touch. It’s a mystery why he seems interested and then not but of course the obvious reason is waiting for garden leave to end…he could have done a better job of letting you know that for sure though! It’s awkward not knowing.

@Meltedcheeses My instinct is that if you email him and refer to his work/ try to engage on a professional level, that is the answer you will get back.

Men can be incredibly thick at times.

I don't think 'Mark' is going to read your email about work (his or yours) and then think 'Ah, this is Melted's coded message for 'Let's have a drink as I fancy the pants off you.'

You are going to have to be blunt.
By all means discuss his work or yours, but you are going to have to be brave and also say 'How about that drink sometime this week- are you free?'

The worst that can happen is he will ignore the drink invite or say he's busy and not offer another day.

Or he will ignore your email completely.

Either way you will be put out of this misery wondering if he's interested.

UPDATE.....I texted and asked him if he wanted to grab a drink.

He replied after about 2.5 hours saying he was very busy at work and his son was doing his A-levels "so yes but the summer would be better"

!!!!!!!

I replied and said I doubted I'd be bothered by summer and to leave it.

I have now blocked him.

Who is so busy they can't go for a drink for three month?????😂

Well done for sending the text OP, that takes courage.

What a pathetic response. At least you can now draw a line under it. His loss.

Good luck with your new job.

Thanks @WatieKatie . I'm glad I sent it because I can move on. It was such a pathetic response.

Was out drinking with a friend and really had to refrain from giving him a piece of my mind.

Ah well at least some closure for you. Glad you can laugh about it. You sound good fun so his loss

He sounds pathetically wishy washy and non commital.
Although you undoubtedly had some sort of connection/spark it’s a exasperating dating blokes like this as the blowing hot and cold, mixed signals is a pattern that continues.

Life is always busy, things get in the way, but anyone can make time for a drink.

He’s going to be bloody thirsty by the summer 🤣

Something similar but on a smaller scale happened to me. Months went by and then I saw him again when I was out. He literally wouldn't leave me alone and was following me around all night. Buddy you were not interested when I asked you out several months ago - I've moved on. Don't think he "got it".

Glad you've had that response as he sounds like a complete idiot.