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Original poster

He finds a colleague attractive

105 replies

JustTiredOfThis · 01/03/2023 19:57

My boyfriend of several years admitted today that he finds a colleague attractive. He never compliments me and has said that I am a 5 or 6/10 in attractiveness terms. I often day to him that I feel like I have to beg him for any affection and yet he is ok to acknowledge that he finds his workmate hot.

I feel like this is information that I don’t need to know and can’t be helpful to a long term relationship.

Am I just overreacting? Perhaps I am. He says that I am and that he can’t be expected not to look at her backside etc.

OP posts:
Longlurker1 · 01/03/2023 20:03

Chap here. Why would you want to be with anyone who feels the need to 'rate' you and tell you your score (knowing well that the score is low). The same person then feels it's OK to tell you that someone they work rates even better. You can do better than this - find someone who loves you as you are

GoAheadDarling · 01/03/2023 20:04

Did you post about this before? It's fine if you did but just wondering

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/03/2023 20:05

You are not overreacting. He is dissing you. He presumably found you attractive when you got together? Nobody had a gun to his head?

BigFatLiar · 01/03/2023 20:07

It's normal to find people attractive even if you're in a loving relationship. You don't stop being human. Acting on it is a problem though.

However I'd say that this

He never compliments me and has said that I am a 5 or 6/10 in attractiveness terms. I often day to him that I feel like I have to beg him for any affection

Is the main issue.
I have no great claim to beauty but my OH compliments me and tells me how lucky he is to have me (even at our age). You shouldn't need to beg for affection or compliments, these should be the norm.

xJoy · 01/03/2023 20:09

He told you that he thinks you're a 5 or 6 out of ten. That's outrageous. Is that all you are to him, your rating

Has he no self-awareness at all!? Does he want to be rated?

I just don't think he sounds good enough to be a boyfriend. Anybody who rates you is a fuckboy or a wannabe fuckboy. he's not good enough to value a girlfriend and he's got his wannabe fuckboy eyes out on sticks for a woman at work who is probably a 9 and he's probably a 5 himself. It's just so pitiful.

Get turned off

Fuckstix · 01/03/2023 20:10

This is so disrespectful. Don't cling onto a bastard.

Isthisexpected · 01/03/2023 20:11

Appalled at the notion of rating you. You can do better than him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/03/2023 20:12

You’re under reacting. He’s not worthy of you.

motherofkevinnotperry · 01/03/2023 20:12

Longlurker1 · 01/03/2023 20:03

Chap here. Why would you want to be with anyone who feels the need to 'rate' you and tell you your score (knowing well that the score is low). The same person then feels it's OK to tell you that someone they work rates even better. You can do better than this - find someone who loves you as you are

This! He's an arse op. He doesn't deserve you.

Ghostbuster2639 · 01/03/2023 20:18

Bet he’s a 2 at best.

Everyonesinvited · 01/03/2023 20:20

Did you ask him to rate you?

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 01/03/2023 20:20

He rated you out of 10 and feels entitled to oggle his colleague. Dump.

Puppers · 01/03/2023 20:21

You are in a toxic relationship with someone who is actively trying to erode your self esteem. He is trying to let you know that you, as a mere 5/10, should feel lucky that he even has the time of day for you when he could easily be with office hottie. It’s absolute bullshit. She may not even exist. It’s purely about damaging your confidence.

It’s very normal for people in relationships to be attracted to other people (fleetingly - it’s not normal to nurse a crush). It’s not normal for people in relationships to tell their partner that whilst they only consider that partner to be average looking, they are very attracted to their colleague. Even if someone felt that way, a good person certainly wouldn’t say it because it’s so unnecessary and hurtful.

Puppers · 01/03/2023 20:23

Also, I don’t believe for a second you’re a 5/10, grim as it is to “rate” women in that way.

Sunriseinwonderland · 01/03/2023 20:23

Why the hell are you with this fool?

pippabg · 01/03/2023 20:27

Yes, I agree - you are definitely not overreacting. Attraction outside a relationship is normal, but he is undermining your own looks and attractiveness, rather than building you up. I can't imagine my husband ever doing that. I think you deserve better. I wonder what you're getting out of the relationship if you're not getting much affection.

Stoic123 · 01/03/2023 20:34

Don't be with anyone who either wants to make you feel bad or who doesn't care if they make you feel bad.

Either way, his behaviour is unacceptable. It's time to move on.

Original poster
JustTiredOfThis · 01/03/2023 20:35

This is my first post about this. I’m just not feeling good today about this. I just feel totally defeated and exhausted

OP posts:
winterbegone · 01/03/2023 20:38

Ditch this immature twat, giving you a crap rating? and flaunting than he fancies someone else. Sounds like he enjoys negging you and being very disrespectful, you worth more than this.

Original poster
JustTiredOfThis · 01/03/2023 20:39

Stoic123 · 01/03/2023 20:34

Don't be with anyone who either wants to make you feel bad or who doesn't care if they make you feel bad.

Either way, his behaviour is unacceptable. It's time to move on.

This has actually really hit me. There’s no way he doesn’t know that this is not a good thing to say.

I have a disability which causes me problems in relating to people and even I wouldn’t say anything like that. He actually asked me the other day if I liked one of my colleagues and I refused to answer because I don’t think that would be helpful.

OP posts:
winterbegone · 01/03/2023 20:39

Don't take the rating to heart, it's complete nonsense

Anon132 · 01/03/2023 20:43

What an arsehole! He's trying to erode your self esteem. Other woman or not, he's clearly trying to make you feel lesser than and paranoid. You should never have to beg for attention and love.

CorvusPurpureus · 01/03/2023 20:44

If 'he can't be expected not to look at her backside' then he's a sex pest at work.

He might or might not get into sackable trouble for that, depending on whether she's noticed that her colleague is a dirty scut leering at her arse when she is doing her job & whether her HR department is up to much.

But I'd dump him BEFORE he got reported because he's disgusting.

Obviously his negging of you is also a dumpable offence. But if you're doubting yourself on that one, remind yourself that he is additionally the sort of man that women report for sexual harassment.

Crewcut · 01/03/2023 20:46

This man is an utter jerk. Please dump him immediately.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/03/2023 20:46

Raise your standards. Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and dump this fuckwit.