He finds a colleague attractive

[JustTiredOfThis]

My boyfriend of several years admitted today that he finds a colleague attractive. He never compliments me and has said that I am a 5 or 6/10 in attractiveness terms. I often day to him that I feel like I have to beg him for any affection and yet he is ok to acknowledge that he finds his workmate hot.

I feel like this is information that I don’t need to know and can’t be helpful to a long term relationship.

Am I just overreacting? Perhaps I am. He says that I am and that he can’t be expected not to look at her backside etc.

@JustTiredOfThis

I just messaged him and asked if he found me attractive. He replied ‘what are you on about now’.

I'm sorry you're clearly suffering right now, but going back and asking him again isn't going to do you any good.

In fact, I'd try to think of it like this....

This guy is clearly a nasty, demeaning twat. No woman should want a twat like that to find them attractive, as it means getting attention from them.

It's good that he says you're a 5 or 6, as it means you've seen the light sooner than had he thought you were a 9 or 10. If he thought you were a 9 or 10, he'd have strung you along for longer, you'd have fallen deeper, and he'd still be the same utter shit inside who would have dragged you down eventually with his vile personality, and you'd have to extract yourself from a toxic mess with your lives far more entwined, and many more months/years wasted.

Thank God he said you're a 5 or 6 as it's been a wake up call that's shown him up for the arse he is.

Try and think like that OP, and dump him right now and find a guy who loves you for who you are.

I’m almost certain that if you were to blow cold and disinterested in him and stop asking him to reassure you, he’d be alarmed and go on the charm offensive. This type of man is depressingly predictable. They put you down and chip at your confidence, decline to reassure you and make you feel better, know that you’re upset and still do it, simply because it prevents you from having the confidence to decide that you can do better and leave.

Distance yourself from him. Make it crystal clear that this is not a problem with you / jealousy / lack of self esteem etc etc but a him problem because you find him immature, tactless, lacking desirable qualities in a partner and you think you deserve better.

Honestly, who the fuck does he think he is, rating you 5 or 6 like a fucking cow at a cattle market? Telling you he looks at his colleague’s arse and you just have to lump it? Making you beg for affection and kindness? I’m angry for you, OP. He’s a nasty bastard. There’s a man out there who will make you feel wonderful. This piece of work ain’t it and the longer you stay with him, the longer you’ll feel that nobody else would even consider dating you.

And I meant to add that I think this is emotional abuse. He’s causing you emotional pain and damaging your self esteem and he’s doing it deliberately. When you tell him, he dismisses you. What an absolute bastard.

Your DP can't help looking at a woman's backside, tell you he finds her attractive but says you're a 6/10 and never compliments you? I could say a lot of things about this bloke but this pretty much sums it up.

Raise your standards. Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and dump this fuckwit

He's doing a number on you, attacking your self-esteem and making it your fault that he can't help looking at hot women. Yuk.

Just seen that this is a couple of months old. What did you do, OP?