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Original poster

He finds a colleague attractive

105 replies

JustTiredOfThis · 01/03/2023 19:57

My boyfriend of several years admitted today that he finds a colleague attractive. He never compliments me and has said that I am a 5 or 6/10 in attractiveness terms. I often day to him that I feel like I have to beg him for any affection and yet he is ok to acknowledge that he finds his workmate hot.

I feel like this is information that I don’t need to know and can’t be helpful to a long term relationship.

Am I just overreacting? Perhaps I am. He says that I am and that he can’t be expected not to look at her backside etc.

OP posts:
Everyonesinvited · 02/03/2023 00:15

not particularly beautiful I meant to write

Workinghardeveryday · 02/03/2023 00:16

If it was me, I would be saying, ‘out of everyone’s you have slept with, what would you rate the sex?’

Followed by me doing the same very lighthearted, ‘well Dave was a good 9, Ben was 8/9, etc, him being a 5’.

hit him where it hurts, he has done the same to you. Then kick him out!!!

OldFan · 02/03/2023 00:18

Wow please bin him @JustTiredOfThis . He shouldn't be denigrating you to your face.

barmycatmum · 02/03/2023 05:42

He is negging you and triangulating. Please dump this asshole

barmycatmum · 02/03/2023 05:44

Housefullofcatsandkids · 01/03/2023 22:00

By rating you and positioning you lower than other women he is purposefully giving you self esteem issues. This is a him problem not you and you need to leave for your own mental health. He likes making you feel insecure by the sound of it and whatever his reason for that it's not something you should have to put up with.

Exactly this. It’s a power game.
take ALL your power back by dumping him!

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2023 05:58

Dump the boyfriend; you can do much better

Madamecastafiore · 02/03/2023 06:01

Dump him and tell him it's because he's a four and you feel you can do much better.

Please give your head a wobble whilst he's packing. I don't know you from Adam but being a kind decent human I'd not say something hurtful to you because I'd not want to hurt your feelings. Now this guy is supposed to care about you, be your person, make you feel safe and cared for )mutually not in a princessy kinda way), boost your self esteem and put a smile on your face. He's not. He's tearing you down, he's doing this because there's something intrinsically wrong with him, not with you and the best thing you can do is make him realise that his stupid games haven't worked on you and you are worthy of better treatment.

Good luck.

GoodChat · 02/03/2023 06:29

Dump him and tell him his dick is the smallest you've ever seen and that his breath stinks like onion. Prick.

xfan · 02/03/2023 11:21

Some women would rather be with any man than be single, does a grown woman need three pages of advice on this if she had any self respect?!

piedbeauty · 02/03/2023 11:50

has said that I am a 5 or 6/10 in attractiveness terms

If my bf says that to me I'd dump him. Wtaf??

piedbeauty · 02/03/2023 11:52

He sounds horrible. He's negging you to make you feel bad about yourself. That's the opposite of what a loving partner should do.

Tell him he's a 1/10 as a boyfriend and LTB. Find someone who will love you just the way you are. You deserve it!

ApricotExpat · 02/03/2023 11:54

Get rid of him and move onwards and upwards!!

Puppers · 02/03/2023 12:55

How are you doing today @JustTiredOfThis?

Bookworm20 · 02/03/2023 14:13

This isn't normal. He shouldn't be 'rating' you, or anyone for that matter. Only certain types of men do shit like that. He has purposely made you feel bad.
This is not the actions of someone who loves you.
And yes, you have every right to not expect him to ogle his colleagues arse! Seriously, what is this guy on?

If I were in your shoes, I would just walk away. You do not need to stay with someone who purposely erodes your self esteem for their own pleasurable sick little game.
Just tell him you have decided he isn't for you and leave him. No other explanation needed. That will mess with him far more than any drawn out conversartion where you will end up validating how bad he has made you feel (which was his sole goal). Do not on any level think he has 'won' in his sick little game. Do not give him a chance to erode you even further as I can imagine he is the sort, when being dumped, will also come out with other gems of wisdom around your body/sex/personality to crush you and you really don't need to hear any more of his shit.

Minikievs · 02/03/2023 14:29

Dump him and tell him it's because he's a four and you feel you can do much better

This. He's HORRIBLE. Who rates their partner out of 10?!?! Unless it's in a "gosh, you're so beautiful, you're an absolute 10/10" comment

Riri24 · 02/03/2023 15:03

I think fully grown men giving women a score out of 10 is pretty gross. The fact he is saying stuff like this to his partner shows a real lack of respect and potentially an active effort to undermine your self esteem so you feel like you need him. For what it's worth he's probably doing this because he is insecure and feels like you are too good for him. If you were my freind or sister I be advising that you leave him. You deserve a man who adores you and thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the room x

MsDogLady · 02/03/2023 15:12

@JustTiredOfThis, besides his revolting ratings and claim of entitlement to perve on his colleague, his accusation that ‘you’re overreacting’ is a blatantly manipulative move to shift the blame.

You also mention that he doesn’t show you affection, which is another of his tactics meant to degrade and diminish you.

We’ve told you what we think of this disgusting excuse of a man. What are thinking about it all, @JustTiredOfThis?

samqueens · 02/03/2023 15:16

Longlurker1 · 01/03/2023 20:03

Chap here. Why would you want to be with anyone who feels the need to 'rate' you and tell you your score (knowing well that the score is low). The same person then feels it's OK to tell you that someone they work rates even better. You can do better than this - find someone who loves you as you are

This ^^

You’re in a long term relationship with someone who treats you really poorly… get out

samqueens · 02/03/2023 15:17

The whole score thing is also revolting and demeaning 🚩🚩🚩

Original poster
JustTiredOfThis · 02/03/2023 15:58

Hi - I’m ok thanks. I’m feeling very tired and sad and honestly a bit ugly.

I won’t see him now until next weekend.

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 02/03/2023 16:11

We all rate people, women just as much as men but most of us have the common sense to keep it ourselves.

winterbegone · 02/03/2023 16:18

You still want to see him next weekend? Not sure how any of this advice can help you then.

Littlefaeries · 02/03/2023 16:18

JustTiredOfThis · 02/03/2023 15:58

Hi - I’m ok thanks. I’m feeling very tired and sad and honestly a bit ugly.

I won’t see him now until next weekend.

Don't see him next weekend.
Tell him that even as a 5 you can do far better than him.

Original poster
JustTiredOfThis · 02/03/2023 16:20

I kind of just meant that at least I have some time to myself because right now I feel overwhelmed and exhausted

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 02/03/2023 16:28

winterbegone · 02/03/2023 16:18

You still want to see him next weekend? Not sure how any of this advice can help you then.

Yes, just chuck him already. He isn't worth it. I have no idea what he looks like but I rate him a 1 on empathy and a 0.25 on brains.

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