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Original poster

Does he still love her?

105 replies

Efhswkr · 28/02/2023 16:31

I’ve been with my DP for almost a year and a half. We are happy together there’s just one issue…his ex.

background:

Me and DP started dating what I believed to be two years after his and his ex separated. However, I recently found out that it was only actually weeks after they last slept together. They kept apparently meeting up and sleeping together after their breakup and once he got with me this ended. His ex does also have a partner now.

DP and his ex are going through some legal processes as the minute as they are trying to sell their house and it’s not selling/buyers keep dropping out.

The issue is they keep what I feel like coming up with excuses to talk to each other. DP and ex have been having zoom calls the two of them to sort through “legal” stuff even though they have solicitors and there’s no need too. He says it’s just to make things more amicable. They’ve had about six of these calls now. He always asks me to go upstairs during these calls or will have them at work. Him and his ex were together 5 years.

Now, they’ve got to meet to sign some document. I did look at his emails and saw that she had suggested they do it via post, she signs it and then he signs it etc rather than meet and DP had replied that he would like to meet with her as he felt they’ve both changed the past few years, are in better places and it would be good to get it signed and sorted in person- and she’s now agreed. He even offered to meet her on zoom or give her a call if she wanted to talk again before they met as he understands they’ll be “anxious” to see each other.

There was also some emails where he’d helped her with a work project (they both are the same industry). I only saw these emails this morning so he doesn’t know I’ve read them yet.

I just feel sort of like shit. He tells me that nothing is untoward, they both have partners and he loves me, and it’s just a polite and kind way of sorting things amicably but they have no kids and I sort of expected it to be clean cut no contact again or contact just through solicitors.

I just don’t know what to make of it all. The rest of our relationship is really happy. I’m pretty sure they’ve not seen each other as she’s up in Scotland and we are in the south west- so it’s not like he’s been sneaking off to see her but it’s just so hard

Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
FiddleLeaf · 03/05/2023 21:54

Oh the drama. I don’t believe he ended it and yes, it’s being instigated by him.

I wouldn’t be content with him being angry with her and just hoping. Please take some time away to consider what you want from a partner. You’re not plan B.

greenel · 04/05/2023 00:09

Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 21:40

Thank you. I apologise if I’m coming across weak, I do feel slightly trapped by our tenancy agreement and also my BF is very good at twisting things to make them seem different

for example, he’s now stating that he doesn’t give a shit who his ex sleeps with, he’s more bothered about his mate and the betrayal of that side.

He’s blocked her now so hoping this will be the end of it.

Oh no, if he blocked her, he still has feelings for her. Or he'd be indifferent to her dating life. I don't think his feelings for her are triggered by he's presence in his life or proximity - it's just that he never got over her, so has this idealised view.

You do risk getting hurt because he's still so obsessed with her, that's less emotional bandwidth he has for you. If you stay with him, you'll always be on edge about when they might decide to try again. Never be a supporting character in someone else's love story OP. You deserve more!

Mortimercat · 04/05/2023 05:23

Efhswkr · 28/02/2023 20:23

Thanks all. It’s a bit of a grey area isn’t it? I know he loves me and this ex have her own partner I think what made me nervous was his sort of insistence that they meet up- even going as far to soothe her concerns so she’d meet up with him. He asked her in the email “to not write off the idea of seeing him and to please consider it, and that he would understand if not but would like too”

I sort of expected him to accept that she didn’t want to meet and do it via post, be relieved and leave it at that. I don’t know, I shamefully do not have any long term exes with ties so I can’t look at this from a similar perspective he is.

Well he really wants to see her pretty badly for some reason. I can’t imagine needing or wanting t see an ex that much.

Mortimercat · 04/05/2023 05:27

Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 14:33

You are right, I understand that. I guess I was hopeful that now she has 'betrayed' him, he will be done with her for good.

Sorry I didn’t realise it was a slightly older thread when I posted above.

With the latest updates including this one, come on OP, why are you settling for being his second best. He has only stepped away from her because she has found something better, not because he has.

redheadcurl · 04/05/2023 05:55

If there was/is nothing to hide why couldn't you be around or at least hear the zoom calls? Why couldn't you go with him to sign the papers?
Has his attitude towards your relationship changed?

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