I’ve been with my DP for almost a year and a half. We are happy together there’s just one issue…his ex.
background:
Me and DP started dating what I believed to be two years after his and his ex separated. However, I recently found out that it was only actually weeks after they last slept together. They kept apparently meeting up and sleeping together after their breakup and once he got with me this ended. His ex does also have a partner now.
DP and his ex are going through some legal processes as the minute as they are trying to sell their house and it’s not selling/buyers keep dropping out.
The issue is they keep what I feel like coming up with excuses to talk to each other. DP and ex have been having zoom calls the two of them to sort through “legal” stuff even though they have solicitors and there’s no need too. He says it’s just to make things more amicable. They’ve had about six of these calls now. He always asks me to go upstairs during these calls or will have them at work. Him and his ex were together 5 years.
Now, they’ve got to meet to sign some document. I did look at his emails and saw that she had suggested they do it via post, she signs it and then he signs it etc rather than meet and DP had replied that he would like to meet with her as he felt they’ve both changed the past few years, are in better places and it would be good to get it signed and sorted in person- and she’s now agreed. He even offered to meet her on zoom or give her a call if she wanted to talk again before they met as he understands they’ll be “anxious” to see each other.
There was also some emails where he’d helped her with a work project (they both are the same industry). I only saw these emails this morning so he doesn’t know I’ve read them yet.
I just feel sort of like shit. He tells me that nothing is untoward, they both have partners and he loves me, and it’s just a polite and kind way of sorting things amicably but they have no kids and I sort of expected it to be clean cut no contact again or contact just through solicitors.
I just don’t know what to make of it all. The rest of our relationship is really happy. I’m pretty sure they’ve not seen each other as she’s up in Scotland and we are in the south west- so it’s not like he’s been sneaking off to see her but it’s just so hard
Does anyone have any advice?
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Relationships
Does he still love her?
Efhswkr · 28/02/2023 16:31
Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 14:33
You are right, I understand that. I guess I was hopeful that now she has 'betrayed' him, he will be done with her for good.
Efhswkr · 28/02/2023 20:23
Thanks all. It’s a bit of a grey area isn’t it? I know he loves me and this ex have her own partner I think what made me nervous was his sort of insistence that they meet up- even going as far to soothe her concerns so she’d meet up with him. He asked her in the email “to not write off the idea of seeing him and to please consider it, and that he would understand if not but would like too”
I sort of expected him to accept that she didn’t want to meet and do it via post, be relieved and leave it at that. I don’t know, I shamefully do not have any long term exes with ties so I can’t look at this from a similar perspective he is.
Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 21:40
Thank you. I apologise if I’m coming across weak, I do feel slightly trapped by our tenancy agreement and also my BF is very good at twisting things to make them seem different
for example, he’s now stating that he doesn’t give a shit who his ex sleeps with, he’s more bothered about his mate and the betrayal of that side.
He’s blocked her now so hoping this will be the end of it.
Puppers · 03/05/2023 14:47
He sounds utterly obsessed with her. I think his explanation that he dumped her because he fell out of love is bullshit. I think she ended it.
This is a bonkers reaction to have about an ex (of several years!) moving on. This is not normal behaviour by any stretch and you need to get rid of him. You'll always be in her shadow.
Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 14:03
I just wanted to update this thread as well, there's been an update...
DP recently found out that his ex and his (distant) friend have been messaging. Apparently she's single again and he found out through the grapevine they've been messaging.
Well, he's gone absolutely ballistic. He's had a go at his friend but has also been on the phone to his ex telling her she can't see him, she's not allowed to message him, it's disrespectful to him.
I'm quite hopeful that finally he will cut her off- but, the past two days all I've heard is about how annoyed my DP is that his ex and friend have been messaging and it fills him with 'anxiety?'
Efhswkr · 03/05/2023 14:03
I just wanted to update this thread as well, there's been an update...
DP recently found out that his ex and his (distant) friend have been messaging. Apparently she's single again and he found out through the grapevine they've been messaging.
Well, he's gone absolutely ballistic. He's had a go at his friend but has also been on the phone to his ex telling her she can't see him, she's not allowed to message him, it's disrespectful to him.
I'm quite hopeful that finally he will cut her off- but, the past two days all I've heard is about how annoyed my DP is that his ex and friend have been messaging and it fills him with 'anxiety?'
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