To just wish DP could be nicer when I'm Ill ?

[Rainbowsundae]

Five month old baby. I am primary carer as DP works during the week , ( he doesn't work weekends).

I'm lucky in that I'm normally quite healthy so don't get ill often, but the last few days I have felt like a Trainwreck.

Feel utterly exhausted, faint, nauseous, heart palpitations, high temperature etc , complete loss of appetite ( no possibility of pregnancy as on the combined pill and haven't missed any, plus had normal "period" in pill free week last week).

I had a PPH after birth and was diagnosed with low iron levels and given iron pills to take for 3 months post-partum. I strongly suspect I have iron deficiency anaemia/ B12' deficiency; and will ring the GP asap on Monday to organise blood tests/ medication.

But I've said to DP I'm feeling faint/ shaky/ exhausted/ nauseous etc. I've begged him to just look after our baby today to give me a bit of a break. He actually lives spending time with our daughter so this isn't a problem for him in itself,

but he keeps snapping "why should I facilitate you lying around in bed on your phone!?" ( first time I've ever asked this.

"I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29).

"admit it you are just saying your Ill so you can lie around in bed."

and he's annoyed that me getting Ill has coincided with a visit to a friend a few days ago where I took my daughter to visit a female friend in another town for her birthday and stayed the night, "urgh typical , you've gone to see xxx and come back sick , that's why I'm not sympathetic. '

He has his good points but I just wish he was a bit well, more sympathetic when I was sick instead of bitching and moaning ?!

He's not acting like someone who cares for you. LTB

He's not very dear to be treating you like that is he? He sounds awful.

He has his good points
Does he actually? Or do you just feel you need to say that to justify staying with this arsehole, or out of embarrassment that you’re posting about someone so awful and he’s YOUR partner? It’s OK if he doesn’t have good points and you’re with him anyway – life takes time to sort out and leaving a wanker with whom you had a baby is a big decision. But he doesn’t sound kind, and you can’t live without kindness in a relationship.

Wow. He sounds like he doesn't love you or even like you.

Can you imagine even treating an unwell friend like he has treated you?

LTB

"i found you when you were older"
"I have to put up with you being ill"
"You are just saying you are ill"
"That's why I'm not sympathetic"

This is how he talks to the mum of his child.

I would try the blunt approach "I'm sick this for once isn't about you I need to recharge to be able to look after our daughter next week that should be our primary concern"

He has his good points

does he? As it sounds like all this shit would vastly outweigh any good points

Yeah he doesn't act like someone who likes you much.

He acts like someone who sees you as a household appliance that's broken and he's irritated.

It's not just him not being sympathetic enough, is it? It's him accusing you of being a lazy liar.

He sounds like an absolute cunt to be honest.

I’ve just had an operation and if my DH spoke to me even 10% like that I would be fucking outraged.

Do not let your child grow seeing this sort of awful, toddler like behaviour.

OP are you joking!? I thought this was going to be a post about a partner being really shit at looking after you. I didn't expect a partner being abusive and saying things that there is no coming back from. Sounds like you've been baby trapped by a man who thinks he can treat you like shit now baby is here because you can't go anywhere..

Fuck that OP. Even if you did want to lie down for a few hours and weren’t ill, an actual partner should facilitate that for you.

This is not a nice man, and those comments are awful.

Great points from @bussteward

You procreated with that?!

I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29).

^^ Unwell or not, this comment would have me packing my suitcase and seeking refuge elsewhere. That’s a despicable thing to say.

I am so sorry he hurt you with these awful words op but where are your boundaries? You don’t have to put up with this. Boundaries are about what is acceptable to you as a person, nothing else.

I’m afraid he sounds deeply unpleasant and uncaring.

He has his good points

They must be bloody good, op.

Sod that
lTB

He's now muttering 'hopes XXX gets Chlamydia" as he blames me visiting her coinciding with me getting sick ( even though I'm 99% sure it is aneamia ).

I am feeling a bit better though which is something...

He sounds utterly vile. Those comments are inexcusable.

cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll
Presumably you are not married, as I can't see this guy ever saying "in sickness and in health"? It's such a horrible attitude towards any fellow human being, let alone a partner.

Leave him. Or end up 20 yrs down the road, leaving a spiteful bully like my EX. Get rid asap. Don't waste your best years x

If my DH spoke to me like that he would be out on his arse.

Wow. Just wow. I hope he realises either one of you could become disabled or chronically ill without a moment's notice?

Bloody hell. There’s a significant difference between “be nicer” and what your DP is doing (which is downright vile).

l’ll be honest, I’m not the most sympathetic when DP is ‘ill’. It happens frequently and he’s the first to admit that he will run to the GP with any minor ailment, whereas I’ll crack on with life until I literally can’t move any more. I treat him with kindness though.

In your case, with genuine symptoms and a baby, you should be able to rely on much more support. Is there anyone else who could help? I always found DM much more useful than ExH when the DC were ill as she’d take them completely out of my way.

Wow. DH and I can get a bit snappy when the other is sick as it’s a lot of extra work for the healthy parent (we have 3 DC) but this is not that. He is being really awful in what seems to be a tremor to force you back to work. This says something really fundamental about how he views you.

I’d completely ignore all comments until I was well enough to engage with this issue then challenge him strongly about why he thinks this is ok when I was feeling better. This is no way to live long term.

Wow that was a lot worse than I thought it would be from the title. He sounds really nasty sounds as though he doesn't like you much.