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Original poster

To just wish DP could be nicer when I'm Ill ?

115 replies

Rainbowsundae · 25/02/2023 12:08

Five month old baby. I am primary carer as DP works during the week , ( he doesn't work weekends).

I'm lucky in that I'm normally quite healthy so don't get ill often, but the last few days I have felt like a Trainwreck.

Feel utterly exhausted, faint, nauseous, heart palpitations, high temperature etc , complete loss of appetite ( no possibility of pregnancy as on the combined pill and haven't missed any, plus had normal "period" in pill free week last week).

I had a PPH after birth and was diagnosed with low iron levels and given iron pills to take for 3 months post-partum. I strongly suspect I have iron deficiency anaemia/ B12' deficiency; and will ring the GP asap on Monday to organise blood tests/ medication.

But I've said to DP I'm feeling faint/ shaky/ exhausted/ nauseous etc. I've begged him to just look after our baby today to give me a bit of a break. He actually lives spending time with our daughter so this isn't a problem for him in itself,

but he keeps snapping "why should I facilitate you lying around in bed on your phone!?" ( first time I've ever asked this.

"I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29).

"admit it you are just saying your Ill so you can lie around in bed."

and he's annoyed that me getting Ill has coincided with a visit to a friend a few days ago where I took my daughter to visit a female friend in another town for her birthday and stayed the night, "urgh typical , you've gone to see xxx and come back sick , that's why I'm not sympathetic. '

He has his good points but I just wish he was a bit well, more sympathetic when I was sick instead of bitching and moaning ?!

OP posts:
paulhollywoodshairgel · 25/02/2023 13:40

Oh my goodness. What a twat bandit. NO ONE is ok to speak to you like that. Let alone your husband. I'd be packing him a bag and telling him he can come back when he decides to be kind, considerate and a good husband. Can you go to your mums or a friends for the night?xx

Botw1 · 25/02/2023 13:41

This is not normal op.

Why on earth are you tolerating this?.

You shouldn't need an excuse or a reason for him to parent his child.

The way he speaks to you is absolutely vile. What will you do when he treats your dd like that?

Tidsleytiddy · 25/02/2023 13:46

Just…wow. He’s unkind

Witchytwitchybitchy · 25/02/2023 13:46

Very unpleasant piece of work. It is not acceptable to speak to you like that.

Dogsandchocolaterule · 25/02/2023 13:49

Wow what a horrible partner you have.

The very least someone should do when they love you is care for you when sick. I don't think he loves you at all and sounds like he doesn't even like you. Who would speak to someone they like like this?

I would be getting my ducks in a row. 🦆 🦆

Mammyloveswine · 25/02/2023 14:01

Why are there so many posts about such selfish, spiteful, nasty arseholes disguising themselves as husbands?!

Ffs OP he is being disgusting! How DARE he dismiss your illness?!

Honest to god what is wrong with some men?!

Lazyladydaisy · 25/02/2023 14:08

What exactly are his good points? Because I think he sounds like a nasty, vile excuse for a human.
I've been poorly this week - my husband has just cracked on with everything and I've helped out where I've had the energy. He even went to the shop to buy me Lucozade this morning just because I fancied it.
Tell your 'D'P to fuck off. You'd be better off without him!

OutsideLookingOut · 25/02/2023 14:10

Eww he sounds horrible. You are not at fault here. The more I read however on this site the more I enjoy being single.

I would like to hope he will change his ways but I suspect before he wears you down more or you have another child with him… you might consider if your life would be better without him.

billy1966 · 25/02/2023 14:12

What an nasty abusive pig you have chosen to have a child with.

That poor baby with a nasty pig for a father.

Where are your family?

Can you pack your bags and go to them?

He is a really horrible person.

Do not stay with him.

Life is too short.

His behaviour is not normal.

gamerchick · 25/02/2023 14:34

The true person comes out when a partner is ill. Whether they're male or female. He's telling you what he thinks of you in general.

I'd be saying that to him personally and telling him you're going to be thinking about the future of your relationship while you get better.

I'll bet you're kinder to him when he's poorly.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2023 14:39

You don't have to answer OP, obviously, but did you have an abusive childhood or other abusive relationships?

Because he's vile. And his behaviour is so far from acceptable that you should be outraged and packing. The fact that you aren't means your radar is faulty. This isn't 'just' about you being sick. He's saying unforgivable things to the mother of his child who he supposedly loves.

Notbeinfunnehbut · 25/02/2023 15:58

Wishing Chlamydia on someone is just awful he sounds unhinged

can I ask are you expected to look after him when he’s I’ll???

determinedtomakethiswork · 25/02/2023 16:08

He's disgusting. I'm sure you could have a much better life without him in it.

lurchermummy · 25/02/2023 16:14

Crikey my DH is not the best when I'm ill but this is a whole other level

CriticalAlert · 25/02/2023 16:33

He is a nasty selfish bastard. Get yourself well and then get shot of him. He's being foul to you. How would he be if you had a really bad illness?

poppylock · 25/02/2023 17:11

He's disgusting.

I have OCD so I'm not great when people are ill, I'd never talk to anyone like this though despite the high anxiety I'd be under.

Another point, ill or not you should be able to ask him to watch his child whilst you had a break without him kicking off like this.

KILM · 26/02/2023 09:22

He... talks to you like he hates you, and you don't seem to think that's a big deal which is worrying ...

DumpedinKilburn · 26/02/2023 18:08

You've put your hand in the Tombola of Life and pulled out a bottle of own brand ketchup.

Is this what you think you're worth?

You've made it harder for yourself by having a baby with him but you can still chuck him back.
It really is better to be on your own than value yourself so cheaply that you will share your life with something that most others wouldn't wipe their arse on.

Get some self respect and leave him behind.

WhisperGold · 26/02/2023 18:25

He also sounds a bit thick. Ditch him or have a miserable life.

ItchyBillco · 26/02/2023 18:51

I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29)

Are you fucking kidding me? What a cunt.

Original poster
Rainbowsundae · 26/02/2023 19:00

ItchyBillco · 26/02/2023 18:51

I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29)

Are you fucking kidding me? What a cunt.

well apart from anything else I was 27 when we got together, which I don't think is that old !

But a frequent bugbear of his is "men getting to enjoy you when you were younger, it eats away at me, that they had your best years..."

We've had similar when we went to my uncle's house and there was an old photo of me and a cousin when I was about 19 on the wall. He kept commenting "urgh so jealous of the men who had you when you were young and so thin!" ( for context , at 19 I could eat like a horse and get away with it so was probably a size 8 in the picture, I have been 12-14 ish throughout our relationship."

The question is whether he'll realise this is all icky and innapropriate, as it's said in a semi jokey way ...who knows...

In other news, my family think it's possible that it is an overactive thyroid making me Ill as there is family history of thyroid issues so I will speak to the GP about this.

OP posts:
orangetriangle · 26/02/2023 19:06

he appears completely lacking in empathy Is he neurodiverse

Flowersintheattic57 · 26/02/2023 19:08

He’s a horrible human being. Not, not, not a keeper. Don’t hang around with people who make you feel awful even if you had a baby with them. Your baby does not need to see this as a model of how relationships work.
His attitude towards your younger self is just plain creepy.

Dery · 26/02/2023 19:18

He sounds pretty horrible, OP. The stuff about your age and other men having had you when you were young and thin - why is this the man you chose for yourself, OP?

medianewbie · 26/02/2023 19:18

orangetriangle · 26/02/2023 19:06

he appears completely lacking in empathy Is he neurodiverse

It's not a 'neurodiverse' thing, it's a Selfish Git thing.
I have two neurdiverse teens (both Dx ASD).

Both have empathy (they occasionally need a prod but are genuinely loving)
Their Father, 'thinks' he's ASD therefore 'it's not his fault'. He may be ASD, but he is also a totally Selfish Git. THAT is his fault because that is a choice.
One of his favourite times to be a Git is when I am ill. It's not a co incidence.
OP, get shot of him now before you waste any more of your youth on him.

(I appreciate that I do not speak for all ND folk here but that's not the issue)