To just wish DP could be nicer when I'm Ill ?

[Rainbowsundae]

Five month old baby. I am primary carer as DP works during the week , ( he doesn't work weekends).

I'm lucky in that I'm normally quite healthy so don't get ill often, but the last few days I have felt like a Trainwreck.

Feel utterly exhausted, faint, nauseous, heart palpitations, high temperature etc , complete loss of appetite ( no possibility of pregnancy as on the combined pill and haven't missed any, plus had normal "period" in pill free week last week).

I had a PPH after birth and was diagnosed with low iron levels and given iron pills to take for 3 months post-partum. I strongly suspect I have iron deficiency anaemia/ B12' deficiency; and will ring the GP asap on Monday to organise blood tests/ medication.

But I've said to DP I'm feeling faint/ shaky/ exhausted/ nauseous etc. I've begged him to just look after our baby today to give me a bit of a break. He actually lives spending time with our daughter so this isn't a problem for him in itself,

but he keeps snapping "why should I facilitate you lying around in bed on your phone!?" ( first time I've ever asked this.

"I'm so jealous, your exes got you when you when you were young and healthy, cos I found you when you were older I have to put up with you getting I'll( I'm 30, he's 29).

"admit it you are just saying your Ill so you can lie around in bed."

and he's annoyed that me getting Ill has coincided with a visit to a friend a few days ago where I took my daughter to visit a female friend in another town for her birthday and stayed the night, "urgh typical , you've gone to see xxx and come back sick , that's why I'm not sympathetic. '

He has his good points but I just wish he was a bit well, more sympathetic when I was sick instead of bitching and moaning ?!

We've had similar when we went to my uncle's house and there was an old photo of me and a cousin when I was about 19 on the wall. He kept commenting "urgh so jealous of the men who had you when you were young and so thin!"

AND

good on X's husband for getting her when she's young and fresh, before a load of randoms have a go about a 20 year old.

And he thinks you were old at 27. So, no, he’s not wishing you were 25. Please, don’t fool yourself about this man’s preferred age range. He wants a teenager. And his ‘loads of randoms having a go’ comment about your young cousin is indicative of how he views women and sex, and how comfortable he is with female objectification.

There is absolutely no way he’s not watching ‘barely legal’ porn and the like. None.

I second what@medianewbie said

🙏 please don't waste your precious best years of your life with this one

His comments to you were not “bitching and moaning” they are utterly nasty, vile, misogynistic you name it it’s all there. I hope you find the strength to leave this pathetic cretin.

I really think you are indenial it wouldn't susprise me too if you accidentally found out sooner or later that he was into border line barely at or above age of consent
paedophic type Porn ,

He really sounds that creepy weird 😳 Op
I am getting spidery senses about him,

For christ-like he thinks you being 27 yrs age is mature old...

What the fuck did I just read?????

Young and fresh??

Rainbow this is not normal, at all.

Also it sounds like he's taking a lot of opportunities to slyly suggest you are old and have been around the block, and are fat. None of these things are true, and not something a decent partner suggests.

The jealousy over you having exes is fucked up.

He's trying to grind you down because he knows you're way too good for him. And yes he should fucking give you a break without bitchy comments when you're sick.

Op. You must have a pretty low opinion of yourself and maybe you are right to do so.

You certainly aren't behaving as if you are worth very much, so maybe he is the best sort of man that you can get-someone who speaks to you in a foul way and who values you as much as a lump of shit on his shoe.
So, maybe you aren't worth the attention of someone half way decent but, in that case, you would be better on your own.

If you are not good enough for a nicer man, it doesn't mean that you have to settle for shite. Accept you will never attract anyone halfway decent and live on your own. You will be better off in the long run.

Well I wouldn't say I'm hideous :/

I do think it's a bit much to suggest I'd never be able to be good enough to attract a nice man...

They haven’t called you hideous or said you can’t attract a nice man. They’ve said that if you can’t attract a nice man (as they clearly can’t fathom any other reason you’d be with this steaming pile of shite) then it would be better to be alone.

It’s harsh, but pretty fair. How can you be with this man?!

I'm not talking about your looks, OP. It's interesting that that is what you think I'm talking about-maybe you and your boyfriend are both a bit too hung up on looks and ages.

I'm talking about the way you value yourself-you could look like Frankenstein or The beauty of the age-valuing yourself is about having regard for yourself-not just how you look.

You allow this horrible man to spout shit and instead of being outraged and insulted you mew mew about it. That's what I mean when I say you have a low opinion of yourself.

You might not worth very much and that is why you think he is ok to say these things. We just don't know. There is no point in telling you that you are wonderful because you might have your level with this man-you seem to think you have and who are we to disagree.

He certainly thinks that you are not worth a big heap because if he did, he wouldn't speak to you in this way.

So, if your low opinion of yourself is correct and no decent man would want you, it doesn't mean that you have to stay with the only man who will have you. You still have a choice and that is, accept you are not worth a lot, that you will never get a decent man and then decide that being by yourself i s better than hanging on to the arsecrumb of a man who seems to despise you.

It has nothing to do with your looks and more to do with your own valuation of yourself and just how much shit and disrespect you are willing to take for the sake of having a very low value boyfriend.

You need to get away from him and be by yourself until the day dawns when you respect yourself and expect others to do the same.

The more you share OP the more utterly vile and misogynistic this excuse for a man becomes.

He very clearly views women as commodities with sell-by-dates. This isn’t going to get better for you, because, well, you are only going to expire (or already have) in his eyes. Jealous because ‘random’ men ‘had you when you were thinner’. It’s truly vomit-inducing - I dread to think what forums, socials and porn he trawls to support his hatred.

He sounds like a disgusting incel / woman hating troll.

@Rainbowsundae
I think you've misunderstood @DumpedinKilburn 's kind intentions. She is trying another angle to help make you see what utter scum this man is.

Thank you both, @AlmostaMamma and @arethereanyleftatall

I am worried about the OP because he sounds as if he really does dislike her, in a way that goes much further than he is not doing the washing up or his fair share of childcare.

If a man despises a woman that much then he is only ever going to be a short hop away from a situation where physical harm may be done.

I hope she does think about why she is with him and, if she really thinks that she can do no better, doesn't deserve a better man, then I hope she has the courage to be alone.

No-one should think that because they are not a great catch themselves that they have to put up with whoever will have them.

She may be a great catch but by allowing this oaf to speak to her in this manner, she is demonstrating that she agrees with his estimation of her. and so, he despises her even more until one day, she will be lower than the dirt on his shoe to him.

No woman should settle for low grade men and if that is all she attracts, she still has power-the power to be alone.

He doesn’t see women as fully human. They’re commodities, with a use-by date, and only valuable when “young and fresh”, unsullied by “randoms”, and not doing anything irritatingly human, like getting ill.

I’ll bet you can think of many more examples of his misogyny.

I hope you feel better soon and have a chance to think about whether this kind of attitude is something you want to put up with in the long term xx

"I have to put up with you being ill"

Next time he says this tell him he doesn't have to put up with it and then tell him to leave. He is being awful to you.

He sounds like a really nasty person. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with such a horrible guy? That is not a normal way to treat someone you love btw just in case you are trying to kid yourself that it is.