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Original poster

Is a 60 year old emotionally unavailable man likely to change?

109 replies

JCCJ23 · 24/02/2023 18:12

I've been seeing him a few months now, but feel like I'm not a priority to him and that he could take or leave the relationship. We have a laugh together but he freezes up and can't discuss any serious issues or his emotions when I bring things up. Now, this isn't me judging, he admits this himself! I've noticed he can be quite selfish and likes things done a certain way - his way!

I feel like the relationship is superficial and am wondering if it's going to get any better really.

Anyone have any experience of men like this?

OP posts:
VeryLittleBrain · 24/02/2023 18:13

He is who he is.
He’s hardly likely to change now.

SummerWinds · 24/02/2023 18:16

If he is aware of his issues but made no effort to work on them then your flogging a dead horse.

Woolwichgirl · 24/02/2023 19:36

Pls dont waste your time any further
Men like this can never change.
Save yourself the emotional stress.

Crazykefir · 24/02/2023 19:39

I dont think there is much hope op. Can you have a go at communicating your needs and standards to him?

Brookes99 · 24/02/2023 19:40

I'm not sure why he'd want to change, he's managed 60 years okay so far it seems. Not sure why you would want to stay if its early days and he isn't making you happy already. Go find somebody who does

Ragwort · 24/02/2023 19:41

I doubt it ... as a 60+ year old woman I no longer have any interest in discussing 'emotional' issues or serious 'relationship' issues ... I am comfortable in my lifestyle, my interests and how I spend my time and the thought of 'opening up' to someone new just doesn't interest me.

Happygirl79 · 24/02/2023 19:59

To be honest I am the female version of your man. I like people. I like a bit of company. But I am happy with my life exactly as it is. I don't see the need to change for anyone. Selfish?. Stuck in my ways?
Possibly. But very happy.

Mari9999 · 24/02/2023 20:05

Maybe he wants companionship and is satisfied with a fairly superficial relationship. He may not be looking for anything more serious than pleasant company

frozendaisy · 24/02/2023 20:13

Emotional talks aside. He's selfish and only wants things all his own way. Boring! Next......

minipie · 24/02/2023 20:18

There are loads of men (and women) who don’t like discussing emotions or serious things, they prefer light chat. It doesn’t make them emotionally unavailable IMO, it’s just what they enjoy.

If you’re someone who likes deep and meaningful conversation then you are not compatible with this man. Find a man who likes this kind of conversation and will set the world to rights with you. They do exist - although unfortunately a high number of them are self important tossers IME.

The selfishness and wanting things all his own way - that’s a problem too.

WidthofaLine · 24/02/2023 20:18

What do you want to talk to him about, the seriousness of the relationship, where it's going, his depth of feeling for you.

You have a laugh together, is that enough of a return for what you give him, if not relegate him to friend and find someone who may wish to be a bit more serious with you.

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 24/02/2023 20:20

You need to ask?

Emptycrackedcup · 24/02/2023 20:21

Yep. Move on

Chasedbythechaser · 24/02/2023 20:27

When you say 'emotional issues', do you mean talking about your future together? Wondering how much you mean to him? Waiting for him to make a commitment?

If so, I would say, you are flogging a dead horse.

DeoForty · 24/02/2023 20:29

Maybe he doesn't want anything serious, and doesn't want drawn into deep and meaningfuls. It could be that he is used to being alone and isnt used to expressing himself, or he has come out of a marriage/relationship? I guess cant or doesnt want to, is the crux.

Livinghappy · 24/02/2023 21:13

It's only a few months so I don't think he should be that invested however

I've noticed he can be quite selfish and likes things done a certain way - his way!

Selfish is never positive and will always get worse. I assume you are in honeymoon period now?

iamenough2023 · 24/02/2023 21:19

No, he is not.

adriftabroad · 24/02/2023 21:24

I bet there is a divorce somewhere?

JustStopOilyPoshKids · 24/02/2023 21:25

No

LuluBlakey1 · 24/02/2023 21:27

No- he has a long, ingrained, default position and won't change.

Ilovelurchers · 24/02/2023 21:28

What is his relationship history?

Original poster
JCCJ23 · 24/02/2023 21:32

Ilovelurchers · 24/02/2023 21:28

What is his relationship history?

Lots of short term relationships, never married, lived with someone briefly but ended in a big row!

OP posts:
TangledWebOfDeception · 24/02/2023 21:36

Oh yes he’s definitely going to change for you. He’s been waiting all his life and you’re the woman who’s going to make him be different.

🙄🙄

Of course he’s not going to change!

WandaWonder · 24/02/2023 21:41

I accept people how they, he may also have things he expects/wants you to change? If so that would be wrong too

He may feel you are making him a project

Starseeed · 24/02/2023 21:43

Regardless of age it’s always pointless to hope people will change. Love him for who he is, and if he’s not capable of giving you what you need in a relationship demote him to friend.