I’m my early 30s, I dated a man in his late 40s. He asked me out to events, openings and drinks as his date. I liked him, truthfully I was impressed by him. Sex was good, he was very interesting to talk to, was ready to stay out all night if I wanted to. As time went on, I saw a future with him. I even started to worry about how I’d introduce him to older family members due to the age gap. I needn’t have worried.
I wanted to meet one weekend. He didn’t. I realised soon after that it was all on his terms. There was no emotional connection.
Like your situation, OP he had a string of short relationships behind him.
Afterwards when I was trying to come to terms with the end of the relationship, he said he was very happy on his own. He loved his life. If someone came into it for a short time, who added some fun, he’d carry on seeing them on his terms until they wanted more and then he’d end it. This was his pattern. When I said how hurt I was, he replied that he had never promised more. That was true. I think, sometimes, when it feels right, or when we want it enough, we hope the other person does too.
I was naive really. When I met DH, within a couple of months of meeting, we’d chatted about the future, if we both wanted kids etc. It was so different.
If you want a future with this man you’re seeing, I think you are right to lay your cards on the table. If you aren’t compatible, end it. I know that it is nice to have someone and you hear of people who date for ten years before committing, but I think you must both be happy to do this. It doesn’t sound like you are?