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Original poster

He has suggested drinks on a roof top bar place - is this a date?!

173 replies

Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 18:31

Attended a hobby related meet-up group for the first time on Monday.
As i was leaving one man who I has been chatting to asked if id like to exchange numbers to continue our discussion on our hobby.

Yesterday he messaged asking if id like to meet next week. I was expecting a coffee invite however he said he would think of ‘something interesting’ and has suggested cocktails at a rooftop bar!

He was very attentive and gave me a hug as I was leaving and didn't ask the lady we were talking to for her number which i thought was a bit odd/maybe a bit rude, but honestly I have no clue about how modern life works. Is this a date??

Am 42, been single for 3.5 years and seriously ill for 3 of them. Only been able to excersize again in the last few months and have lost some weight and finally feeling a little of my old self again so I forced myself to attend this meet up even though I was terrified.

OP posts:
Springintoabetterlife · 01/03/2023 13:02

Sunshineandstarlight · 28/02/2023 23:10

Hi everyone- im back!! Thank you @ShirleyPhallus @Pearfacebananapoop @Thatlittledogwontstopbarking and team
for following up 😊

It was lovely and he was very attentive and thoughtful but I have to say that I felt no spark.

Also he has visited over 100 countries and has never taken a day off just to laze around - always jetting away, sounds a bit stressful.

Had a small kiss though and have agreed to meet on sat for dinner 😂! Really nice person so think I should see him one more time. He has just organised theatre and dinner on Saturday.

Thank you for advice on drinks - he said he had suspected I didn’t drink and says he has lots of freinds who dont.

The bar was actually closed so we visited another rooftop one nearby.

Oh this sounds lovely. Even if things don’t work out with this man it must be a great confidence boast and good to be doing something different.

Ihatethenewlook · 01/03/2023 14:03

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 01/03/2023 01:11

Oh dear, did he actually say "I've visited over 109 countries"? That's a bit childish. Did he also say he was 44 and three quarters?

Glad you had a nice time though. Is he divorced, or never married?

Oh go away. Out of the hours of conversation they must have had, you’re going to form a judgment and take the piss out of him for a single sentence without even knowing the context?
I’m glad you had a nice time op. Fingers crossed for sparks next time :)

pixie5121 · 02/03/2023 17:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

faultytelenorefund · 02/03/2023 18:12

@pixie5121 I'm sorry that's how you read my comment. There were questions because the thread is a conversation and op's and others take was unusual to me. Of course a woman doesn't owe sex because a bloke paid for a drink or this is their 3rd date or whatever nonsense.

pixie5121 · 02/03/2023 18:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 03/03/2023 20:40

Hi Everyone- thank you all for your messages, you arw a lovely gang 💓.

Whilst i didn't feel a spark, I know enough about adult relationships to know that these things can take a couple of meetings to develop. Im happy to see him again as he was really sweet and attentive so I think I have nothing to lose.

He has booked a theatre show tomorrow and dinner before -I will return to my own house afterwards definately.

Yes visiting so many countries seems very full on, and he did say we are quite different people but that he would like to meet again to ‘see how we get on’ so Im
not thinking too far ahead.

anyway super nervous about tomorrow, I didnt get much warning that he was going to kiss me last time so am terrified!

OP posts:
BrimFullOfAsher · 03/03/2023 20:53

But did you enjoy the kiss? Did you kiss him back?

FatCatt · 03/03/2023 21:04

was the kiss nice or awkward?

Geranium1984 · 05/03/2023 17:36

How did the second date go!???

cassiatwenty · 10/03/2023 14:30

OP, I hope you are well and still in one piece xx😅

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 12/03/2023 00:08

Hi everyone, @cassiatwenty - sorry I have not reported back on this thread.

All is good - has third date last night and date has definitely grown on me! He is so lovely and thoughtful, although a bit chatty and extremely extrovert 😂

Our second date was to a restaurant and bar, and yesterday stayed at his, went out for breakfast in the morning and came home!

Im not sure what else to say, trying not to think too far ahead as we are quite different people but it good so far!

OP posts:
TwoMonthsOff · 12/03/2023 00:14

Dress warm

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 00:28

That was fast work on his part.

cassiatwenty · 12/03/2023 01:05

@Sunshineandstarlight I'm happy for you. You seem much more relaxed and it's huge progress from being a bit anxious to now overcoming that, and enjoying your time together 🙂

fedupwiththeguy · 12/03/2023 02:44

I love this thread! Just met a man in a meetup... 😊 and I am feeling as anxious as you were. I am taking all the advice on your thread for myself. And a very wise sentence I heard: don't spend more energy on the other person than they are spending on you. Good luck OP!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/03/2023 12:53

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 00:28

That was fast work on his part.

Fast work on both their parts surely. No reason to assume he tricked or manipulated op into sex.

Sshiamreading · 12/03/2023 14:17

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 00:28

That was fast work on his part.

Well as a pp said it’s fast work on both their parts but as lovely as these dates sound ( love to see a guy making effort for dates!) this part is what puts me off modern dating. I feel there’s an expectation for sleepovers super early.

And yes I know it’s each persons choice but doesn’t take away the fact men are expecting certain things often based on prior experience, which is why I prefer low key for the first few dates. Helps remove expectations and pressure but of course… no man should feel entitled no matter how much time and money they spent on you!

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 12/03/2023 19:25

I just wanted to say that i didn't actually think that there was any expectation on his part that I would come to his.

He actually suggested dinner in a restaurant in another side of town twice before saying he could also cook dinner.

I am also quite freaked out about things moving very quickly so just thought I should also mention that we didn't actually have sex. Feel as if this is too much information, but just wanted to put any nervous people's minds at rest!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 04/09/2023 21:48

Hi I am the OP and I just wanted to return and thank everyone for their support prompting me on this 'date' and to tell you that it was 6 months since our first date last week! He is very lovely, funny, patient and attentive.

We see one another about 4 nights a week and he has also just met my young adult DD (introduced as a friend)

I just wanted to let you all know that as nerve wracking as dating seems there are some nice stories out there

OP posts:
storypushers · 04/09/2023 21:55

So pleased for you OP. Gives me hope for the future.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/09/2023 21:58

Sunshineandstarlight · 04/09/2023 21:48

Hi I am the OP and I just wanted to return and thank everyone for their support prompting me on this 'date' and to tell you that it was 6 months since our first date last week! He is very lovely, funny, patient and attentive.

We see one another about 4 nights a week and he has also just met my young adult DD (introduced as a friend)

I just wanted to let you all know that as nerve wracking as dating seems there are some nice stories out there

Oh I’m delighted for you!! Thanks for coming back to update us. Sounds like it’s all going well

BotterMon · 04/09/2023 22:11

Congratulations - sounds like you've bagged yourself a good one! They are out there.

jenny38 · 04/09/2023 22:30

That's a heart warming update op, pleased it worked out well

GreenGarnet · 05/09/2023 01:17

What an lovely update OP, congratulations 😍

Really hope it all continues to go wonderfully for you both :)

aurynne · 05/09/2023 02:20

Best thread today _