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Original poster

He has suggested drinks on a roof top bar place - is this a date?!

173 replies

Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 18:31

Attended a hobby related meet-up group for the first time on Monday.
As i was leaving one man who I has been chatting to asked if id like to exchange numbers to continue our discussion on our hobby.

Yesterday he messaged asking if id like to meet next week. I was expecting a coffee invite however he said he would think of ‘something interesting’ and has suggested cocktails at a rooftop bar!

He was very attentive and gave me a hug as I was leaving and didn't ask the lady we were talking to for her number which i thought was a bit odd/maybe a bit rude, but honestly I have no clue about how modern life works. Is this a date??

Am 42, been single for 3.5 years and seriously ill for 3 of them. Only been able to excersize again in the last few months and have lost some weight and finally feeling a little of my old self again so I forced myself to attend this meet up even though I was terrified.

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 24/02/2023 20:08

Sunshineandstarlight · 24/02/2023 19:50

Hi everyone- thank you so much for all of your comments today!

It seems that I should be alive to the fact that he could be a bit of love bomber, this is good advice - i did wonder if it was odd that he hugged me and seemed very attentive when only the females seemed to be hugging goodbyes. Im not going to overthink it but will treat as a nice drink after work
Will report back to you gang afterwards!

Can't wait xxx Have fun 👍😊

Newmum110 · 24/02/2023 20:17

I just looked at the menu & want to go there now yummmmm!!!!! OP just don't overthink it & enjoy it for what it is, a nice night out with a delicious mocktail.

mrsmoppp · 28/02/2023 22:14

Hope you're having a good night Smile

Thatlittledogwontstopbarking · 28/02/2023 22:26

@Newmum110 How do you know what the menu is 🙈

cassiatwenty · 28/02/2023 22:29

@Thatlittledogwontstopbarking someone has already been to the place and asked if it's the same and it has been confirmed

Omg really hoping it went well 🤞

Thatlittledogwontstopbarking · 28/02/2023 22:35

Oh I seeeee 💕

ShirleyPhallus · 28/02/2023 22:37

Hope it went well op!!

Pearfacebananapoop · 28/02/2023 22:40

Checking in hope it went well!

Ladybug14 · 28/02/2023 22:57

Waiting to hear how it went FlowersFlowers

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 28/02/2023 23:10

Hi everyone- im back!! Thank you @ShirleyPhallus @Pearfacebananapoop @Thatlittledogwontstopbarking and team
for following up 😊

It was lovely and he was very attentive and thoughtful but I have to say that I felt no spark.

Also he has visited over 100 countries and has never taken a day off just to laze around - always jetting away, sounds a bit stressful.

Had a small kiss though and have agreed to meet on sat for dinner 😂! Really nice person so think I should see him one more time. He has just organised theatre and dinner on Saturday.

Thank you for advice on drinks - he said he had suspected I didn’t drink and says he has lots of freinds who dont.

The bar was actually closed so we visited another rooftop one nearby.

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 28/02/2023 23:31

OP, good on you!

It was a big leap for you, but you stepped out of your comfort zone and everything turned out fine, no scary stories, and you didn't have be someone you're not.

Shame there was no spark, though, but don't be hard on yourself. You did a big thing after 3 years, so there will be other dates and people xxx

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2023 00:40

No spark, snogged him anyway. Good call op, you need to make sure you test it thoroughly

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 01/03/2023 01:11

Oh dear, did he actually say "I've visited over 109 countries"? That's a bit childish. Did he also say he was 44 and three quarters?

Glad you had a nice time though. Is he divorced, or never married?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/03/2023 01:29

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 01/03/2023 01:11

Oh dear, did he actually say "I've visited over 109 countries"? That's a bit childish. Did he also say he was 44 and three quarters?

Glad you had a nice time though. Is he divorced, or never married?

Well if OP said ooh this wine if from Spain and he announced oooohhh I've been there, and 108 other countries too!! you might have a point.

If op said so have you travelled much (she said the hobby had something to do with travel) and he said "yeah a fair few, 108" then it's just a fact surely? Can one not state facts on a date??

faultytelenorefund · 01/03/2023 06:07

I have so many questions that I can't be the only reader with them and I'm not trying to be arsey or rain on your parade, I'm genuinely fascinated.
Is it right to go on another (expensive) date when you felt no spark? Why did you kiss him if you felt no spark? Do people feel no spark but then kiss and might discover there is a spark? Because for me it was only ever that I felt chemistry but then the kiss was terrible and that was that. I've never kissed someone without a spark first. Isn't it misleading to kiss him and agree to a second date? I wonder if he's expecting sex on Saturday.
How or why did he suspect you don't drink?

Pearfacebananapoop · 01/03/2023 07:11

Glad it went well. He sounds nice if mildly annoying?!

Geranium1984 · 01/03/2023 07:44

Glad you had a nice time! He seems like a well organised man, which is hard to find.
Shame there was no spark bit I agree is worth going out again. Both of you might have been a bit nervous or not quite yourselves.
A friend of mine recently got married and I remember her umming and ahhring about the groom after a couple of dates. I think she was more worried about his height but she gave it more time and fell in love ❤️

emptythelitterbox · 01/03/2023 08:03

OP it sounds like a lovely time spark or not. Well done on getting out there!

Also nice you're going to go out again with him. I'd do the same if the guy was nice, somewhat attractive to me, had some things in common, etc.

Yeah some guys you know right then and there no way there would never be anything, not even a friendship, or their behaviour was so gastly you'd want to run out of the restaurant!

Maybe there will eventually be a spark but maybe not but still nice experience going out with a new gent.

Moonicorn · 01/03/2023 08:09

Glad you had a good time! First dates are often non-sparky as they’re kind of awkward and it’s hard to relax, I often find by date 3-4 you have a clearer idea of how much you enjoy their company. He sounds like a bit of a catch as well - choosing somewhere nice for the date not just ‘a walk’ (ugh), attentive, lots of energy and a good social life. I would see what happens and if any romantic feelings develop!

Moonicorn · 01/03/2023 08:11

My first date with DH was similar by the way, we met for cocktails at a nice bar, had a lovely time but I wasn’t hit by lust lightening or anything. A month or so later I was! And now we are expecting DC2 😉 you never know. The ones who I have had a spark with have all turned out to be decent as a FWB but not much more.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 01/03/2023 09:43

faultytelenorefund · 01/03/2023 06:07

I have so many questions that I can't be the only reader with them and I'm not trying to be arsey or rain on your parade, I'm genuinely fascinated.
Is it right to go on another (expensive) date when you felt no spark? Why did you kiss him if you felt no spark? Do people feel no spark but then kiss and might discover there is a spark? Because for me it was only ever that I felt chemistry but then the kiss was terrible and that was that. I've never kissed someone without a spark first. Isn't it misleading to kiss him and agree to a second date? I wonder if he's expecting sex on Saturday.
How or why did he suspect you don't drink?

Dating isn't necessarily a means to an end.

There is nothing wrong with socializing for the sake of socializing. It's not necessary to be on a trajectory toward falling in love / having sex / being in an exclusive relationship.

It's the journey, not the destination.

gettingolderbutcooler · 01/03/2023 11:10

I met my husband twice. No spark, but he was so lovely so I agreed to meet again.
Third date- fireworks!! 🎇

cassiatwenty · 01/03/2023 11:26

I wouldn't go on date 2. You proved to yourself that you can do this, now upwards and onwards dating men you fancy. Might be good to know each other, as date often has this do or don't pressure/vibe to it

cassiatwenty · 01/03/2023 11:28

(I've no idea what kind of people get to visit 100 countries, tho, or why is this pertinent to your convo)

LulooLemon · 01/03/2023 12:12

Thanks for the update OP! He sounds v nice. Even if no romantic spark, he could be a lovely friend.