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Original poster

He has suggested drinks on a roof top bar place - is this a date?!

173 replies

Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 18:31

Attended a hobby related meet-up group for the first time on Monday.
As i was leaving one man who I has been chatting to asked if id like to exchange numbers to continue our discussion on our hobby.

Yesterday he messaged asking if id like to meet next week. I was expecting a coffee invite however he said he would think of ‘something interesting’ and has suggested cocktails at a rooftop bar!

He was very attentive and gave me a hug as I was leaving and didn't ask the lady we were talking to for her number which i thought was a bit odd/maybe a bit rude, but honestly I have no clue about how modern life works. Is this a date??

Am 42, been single for 3.5 years and seriously ill for 3 of them. Only been able to excersize again in the last few months and have lost some weight and finally feeling a little of my old self again so I forced myself to attend this meet up even though I was terrified.

OP posts:
Youainttheonlyone · 23/02/2023 19:12

Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 19:04

@Springintoabetterlife yes i think so, hes kind of blondish and handsome

@SleepingStandingUp thats such a good idea, Im going to look at the menu now

Oh my gosh @Sunshineandstarlight ! I’m getting all the feels!

it sounds kinda date-ish but I’d just go into it with an open mind. If it is and goes well and develops it’s a bonus and if it’s not and you get a lovely new friend who can you hang out with in funky bars it’s equally as great!

just be yourself though - don’t feel like you have to make a load of effort or put on a front or hide your truth over what you’ve been through - this is your story and who you are so if it is intended to be a date and has potential to develop you want him to like you for you and for who you are today - not a false representation.

if you gets my meaning xx

Favouritefruits · 23/02/2023 19:14

You NEED to update this thread after the ‘date’ I think I’m going to be a little too invested in you 😂

I think it’s a date if you want it to be and a casual meet up if you don’t!

important things first

  1. Do you fancy him?
  2. what will you wear?
It really doesn’t matter if you don’t drink, I don’t drink and it’s never put anybody off.
cassiatwenty · 23/02/2023 19:17

@ihatethenewlook Oh that's a good point.

I still wouldn't drink if I was nervous. Surely he can behave is she's not ready to start drinking. Atmosphere might be more relaxed, but it's better to be who you really are, first date, rather than start changing yourself already.

Well, a mocktail might work Wine

cassiatwenty · 23/02/2023 19:22

Favouritefruits · 23/02/2023 19:14

You NEED to update this thread after the ‘date’ I think I’m going to be a little too invested in you 😂

I think it’s a date if you want it to be and a casual meet up if you don’t!

important things first

  1. Do you fancy him?
  2. what will you wear?
It really doesn’t matter if you don’t drink, I don’t drink and it’s never put anybody off.

Agreed!

Report back on was he fit?

What he was wearing, perfume?

How did you feel chatting with him? Were you able to relax after 25 minutes or so.

Did you fancy him? Some guys can be fit but a bit off if they come on too strong first date.

Starlighttwinkle · 23/02/2023 19:23

Is there a chance he may be gay and is asking you out as a friend?

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 19:26

Oh - im really in 2 minds about what to do about the cocktail bar venue.

PP is right that he might feel uncomfortable later having invited me there and I dont want to embarass him or make him feel awkward if he only realises when he gets there that I don't drink.

At the same time I dont like highlighting in advance that Im not a drinker as I think it can often raise more questions than answers e.g. is it a religious reason, or this or that.

Ive also said the the cocktail venue sounded nice when he suggested it yesterday so I dont want to look as if im overthinking it by texting him now that ill be on the mocktails!

Oh i dont know what to do, I dont want to upset the planned mood but also dont want to highlight it either 😬. What should I do?

Also he will be on his bike, how much is it possible to drink whilst riding a bike home in the dark 🙈?

OP posts:
Silvergone · 23/02/2023 19:34

Heve been to many cocktail bars and all of them had non-alcoholic cocktails, but if you’re worried about it give the bar a call or look online to check what they have.

He won’t care if you don’t drink - much better than drinking too much. If he’s riding a bike he isn’t planning to drink heavily, he probably picked it because it’s rooftop and that’s romantic.

I wouldn’t mention the health problems on a first date unless there’s a point in the conversation when it would be deceitful not to.

He sounds nice! Have fun!

BuffaloCauliflower · 23/02/2023 19:34

I really wouldn’t worry about the venue. It’s a good standard date option - not as intense as dinner, nicer than a pub, no pressure to do an activity sort of thing. Just order what you want and if he does query it say ‘oh I don’t drink, but this is fab and do have whatever you want’ light and breezy. It’s becoming much more common not to drink, and anyone who makes a big deal of it isn’t someone you want to date anyway. Have a brilliant time 🙂

demotedreally · 23/02/2023 19:36

Oh yes have a lovely time. Enjoy it for what it is and be yourself!

Original poster
Sunshineandstarlight · 23/02/2023 19:38

Thank you thank you @BuffaloCauliflower @Silvergone and all previous posters - owe you all a mocktail 😂😂.

we are not meeting till Tuesday, no idea why Im stressing already, but Im so glad I checked in with you all 💓. Really great advice about not mentioning my sickness too

OP posts:
Twizbe · 23/02/2023 19:45

Sounds exciting to me.

I'm a non drinker too and I like cocktail bars as they usually have a more interesting selection of mock tails. That said my personal favourite is a non alcoholic gin and tonic.

Brandyb · 23/02/2023 19:45

BuffaloCauliflower · 23/02/2023 19:34

I really wouldn’t worry about the venue. It’s a good standard date option - not as intense as dinner, nicer than a pub, no pressure to do an activity sort of thing. Just order what you want and if he does query it say ‘oh I don’t drink, but this is fab and do have whatever you want’ light and breezy. It’s becoming much more common not to drink, and anyone who makes a big deal of it isn’t someone you want to date anyway. Have a brilliant time 🙂

This. Why shouldn't you go to a lovely rooftop bar and have a mocktail? No need to make a big deal.

I hope it goes well and you have a lovely time - you sound like a diamond!

Thoughtful2355 · 23/02/2023 19:46

Id go to the bar and order mocktails BUT id be honest beforehand, that it sounds amazing and youll enjoy a mocktail but dont drink alcohol :)

Verynice1 · 23/02/2023 19:48

I would personally mention it too but say you’re still happy to go and enjoy the view and a mocktail.

humancalculator · 23/02/2023 19:53

Please don't overthink the non-drinking part. Step by step - for everyone's health! - it HAS to once again become just a normal choice, something that drinkers and non-drinkers live with and accept as absolutely standard. And that cocktail bars are open for everyone to drink what they will. I understand you're a long time out of whatever game, but just be you: drink what you want, where what you've suggested here, it's all fine. You might want to mention your past health problems, or you might not - this can also be an evening for looking forward, not back.

humancalculator · 23/02/2023 19:54

oh lord. *wear what you've suggested

Josette77 · 23/02/2023 20:12

This is the sweetest warm and fuzzy thread. You will do just fine OP..💖

Thatlittledogwontstopbarking · 23/02/2023 20:14

This is so nice, I’m jealous 💜😂

Can I be nosey and ask what your hobby is?

RogueV · 23/02/2023 20:15

Lovely thread 😊

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 20:17

Wit woooo definitely a date! And I’m pleasantly surprised by the stylish location rather than tramping through a muddy park for ‘a walk’ or similar. Outfit will be fine but can you add some kind of bright bag or gold necklace for a bit of colour? Or a red lipstick. And don’t forget perfume!

MichelleScarn · 23/02/2023 20:33

Oooo @Sunshineandstarlight fabulous thread! My dh is asking why am grinning at my phone! 🥰

Thatlittledogwontstopbarking · 23/02/2023 21:17

I love this and love his choice of date 💜

mrsmoppp · 23/02/2023 21:42

Do you drive? Could you use that as an excuse for the 1st date?

LadyJ2023 · 23/02/2023 22:02

Sure looks like a date. If your up for it just go with an open mind for drinks and chat you can always leave and head home anytime

altmember · 23/02/2023 22:08

It's either a date, or he wants to push you off a roof. Hopefully the former!

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