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Original poster

Masturbating straight after intimacy

125 replies

BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 20:43

Wasn't sure whether to post this in relationships or the sex topic but think I may get a more balanced view here. So today DH and I had a rare child free afternoon and evening as DC were at their grandparents. DH and I don't have the best sex life, he attributes this to us both working long hours and says he's too tired. He also says he has a low libido but will still masturbate a few times a week. Anyway, I suggested we try and schedule some time together today/tomorrow with DC being away. We had sex earlier and both enjoyed it. DH makes a comment about doing it again tonight. I was chuffed. Straight after the sex he goes to fix himself a snack and says he'll be back soon to have a nap (DC were up last night and we were both tired today). I go downstairs about 30 minutes later to get a drink and to see what's keeping DH and walk in on him clearly having just masturbated. I pretend not to notice, get my drink and go upstairs. He came up a few minutes later and went to sleep. I appreciate that he is absolutely free to do what he wants with his own body and it's not for me to expect him to get all his sexual needs from me. But I was quite taken aback at him masturbating basically straight after we had sex (and yes he 100% ejaculated). Perhaps stupidly I feel like I don't satisfy him or that he blatantly prefers porn/wanking to me and just had sex with me to keep me happy. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and I know it's likely my own insecurities coming out. But I just found it a bit odd. He's mid forties so I was also quite surprised that he was physically able to "go again" in such a short space of time. Don't really know what I'm asking, I suppose just reassurance that this is normal and I'm being silly to feel hurt?

OP posts:
littlebirdieblu · 14/02/2023 20:49

Your being ridiculous, you had sex you both enjoyed. He probably was turned back on thinking about it. Talk about it if you need reassurance but honestly I think you are overthinking things.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 20:50

Are you sure?

Do you think he has a fantasy you can't give?

ÉireannachÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉÉ · 14/02/2023 20:53

I get u. I would feel weird about this and it would make me feel inadequate I think

Kate8990 · 14/02/2023 20:55

Sounds like he wasn't fully satisfied I'm sorry but that's my honest opinion.

Clusterfunk · 14/02/2023 20:58

littlebirdieblu · 14/02/2023 20:49

Your being ridiculous, you had sex you both enjoyed. He probably was turned back on thinking about it. Talk about it if you need reassurance but honestly I think you are overthinking things.

I had an ex like this, unless he was literally falling asleep on his feet, good sex just made him want more sex! If we’d had sex in an evening, he would be guaranteed to wake up in the mood thinking about the night before.

However, OP, without asking him you won’t know. Just raise it?

Original poster
BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:00

He definitely climaxed with me and seemed happy. I do believe his original intention was to only go down for something to eat (he did have food and are it) but then decided to masturbate. I think he thought I was sleeping as he knew I was tired and wasn't expecting me to come down

OP posts:
Original poster
BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:03

As for fantasies, I've seen what kind of porn he watches and it's nothing overly outrageous or taboo. Mostly girl on girl or anal. Tres original 🙄he openly admits to using porn a few times a week, it's not a secret.

OP posts:
Twawmyarse2 · 14/02/2023 21:03

Was he wanking in the kitchen?? That would give me the serious Ick - how unhygienic! 🤮

Yes, I'd find that weird too tbh.

Choconut · 14/02/2023 21:04

I've done this before (female) straight after or in the morning. Two reasons, firstly thinking about the sex we had and secondly because I can give myself a better orgasm than anyone else can. It's no reflection on my OH.

ChimChimeny · 14/02/2023 21:05

Twawmyarse2 · 14/02/2023 21:03

Was he wanking in the kitchen?? That would give me the serious Ick - how unhygienic! 🤮

Yes, I'd find that weird too tbh.

My first thought!
I'd find it weird too, and I'd be a bit miffed if he didn't want sex often due to a low libido but was wanking a 'few times a week'

Twawmyarse2 · 14/02/2023 21:06

BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:03

As for fantasies, I've seen what kind of porn he watches and it's nothing overly outrageous or taboo. Mostly girl on girl or anal. Tres original 🙄he openly admits to using porn a few times a week, it's not a secret.

See, I just wouldn't be ok with this. He's basically telling you he can't be arsed having sex with you but then admitting to wanking over porn several times a week (it's probably a lot more than that) so basically getting off on watching other women have sex instead of putting the effort into having a good sex life with you.

Porn is so damaging to modern day relationships.

Original poster
BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:07

No in the living room. It's open plan. I definitely would have had words if it was in the kitchen!

OP posts:
DaddyPiglet · 14/02/2023 21:09

littlebirdieblu · 14/02/2023 20:49

Your being ridiculous, you had sex you both enjoyed. He probably was turned back on thinking about it. Talk about it if you need reassurance but honestly I think you are overthinking things.

No, she's not ridiculous. He could have had sec again if that's the case. He's so loved up - according to you- that he wanted in a tissue and fell asleep after.

I'd have a problem with this too OP

Blessedwithsunshine · 14/02/2023 21:11

I immediately thought of viagra.

DaddyPiglet · 14/02/2023 21:11

Ah fuck sake always typos.

And porn as well. No thanks, I'd be having a chat. Ever let things like this fester. If you're feeling bad enough to post on here, you need to talk about it with him.

Botw1 · 14/02/2023 21:11

Maturation doesn't have anything to do with sex though

getsomehelp · 14/02/2023 21:12

He doesn't gave a low libido,
He is wanking over porn daily.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/02/2023 21:13

Are you doing it again later as discussed or not because he had a wank?

Wanking is normal and good as long as it’s not getting in the way of your sex life. Are you having as much sex together as he’s having with himself and his porn? I wouldn’t be impressed by being rejected for porn if that’s what you think it’s going on. If you’re both up for it but tired and time poor then try and schedule in regular quickies. The more you do it the better use of time it feels.

I wouldn’t be offended by what he’s done today but do try and talk about it.

Blessedwithsunshine · 14/02/2023 21:14

I would ask him. If the answer is yes, then I would ask about porn and erectile dysfunction. Honest conversations lead to increased intimacy in my experience or at least a genuine existence. I am not sure why you glossed over it and ignored it?

Original poster
BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:14

I dont like him using porn, but equally I know the vast majority of men use it to some extent. I'm certainly not a cool wife and would much rather it didn't exist. But like many women I tolerate him using it providing he's discreet. Clearly he wasn't discreet enough today but it's extremely rarely I've walked in on it. I don't think he does use it more than he says as he's an absolutely rubbish liar. His reason for masturbating over sex is that it doesn't take as much time and is easier etc. So he's undoubtedly a lazy bugger and can be selfish but he generally wouldn't lie. The laziness/selfishness is another thread though.

OP posts:
userxx · 14/02/2023 21:14

Twawmyarse2 · 14/02/2023 21:03

Was he wanking in the kitchen?? That would give me the serious Ick - how unhygienic! 🤮

Yes, I'd find that weird too tbh.

This is so MN 🤣

Blessedwithsunshine · 14/02/2023 21:17

BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred · 14/02/2023 21:14

I dont like him using porn, but equally I know the vast majority of men use it to some extent. I'm certainly not a cool wife and would much rather it didn't exist. But like many women I tolerate him using it providing he's discreet. Clearly he wasn't discreet enough today but it's extremely rarely I've walked in on it. I don't think he does use it more than he says as he's an absolutely rubbish liar. His reason for masturbating over sex is that it doesn't take as much time and is easier etc. So he's undoubtedly a lazy bugger and can be selfish but he generally wouldn't lie. The laziness/selfishness is another thread though.

That would be a dealbreaker for me.
He has checked it op. With your permission.

If you care for the marriage ( btw I would be filing for divorce) book a sex therapist and fix it. I sincerely hope he is worth it.

winterchills · 14/02/2023 21:17

I would be thinking the same as you. Also would be annoyed that he says hes got a low sex drive but wanking twice a week? Lazy more like

Blessedwithsunshine · 14/02/2023 21:18

*checked out

bloomtoperish · 14/02/2023 21:22

Porn addiction. Has destroyed all my LTRs