Masturbating straight after intimacy

[BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred]

Wasn't sure whether to post this in relationships or the sex topic but think I may get a more balanced view here. So today DH and I had a rare child free afternoon and evening as DC were at their grandparents. DH and I don't have the best sex life, he attributes this to us both working long hours and says he's too tired. He also says he has a low libido but will still masturbate a few times a week. Anyway, I suggested we try and schedule some time together today/tomorrow with DC being away. We had sex earlier and both enjoyed it. DH makes a comment about doing it again tonight. I was chuffed. Straight after the sex he goes to fix himself a snack and says he'll be back soon to have a nap (DC were up last night and we were both tired today). I go downstairs about 30 minutes later to get a drink and to see what's keeping DH and walk in on him clearly having just masturbated. I pretend not to notice, get my drink and go upstairs. He came up a few minutes later and went to sleep. I appreciate that he is absolutely free to do what he wants with his own body and it's not for me to expect him to get all his sexual needs from me. But I was quite taken aback at him masturbating basically straight after we had sex (and yes he 100% ejaculated). Perhaps stupidly I feel like I don't satisfy him or that he blatantly prefers porn/wanking to me and just had sex with me to keep me happy. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and I know it's likely my own insecurities coming out. But I just found it a bit odd. He's mid forties so I was also quite surprised that he was physically able to "go again" in such a short space of time. Don't really know what I'm asking, I suppose just reassurance that this is normal and I'm being silly to feel hurt?

Or herbal tabs, question for all, do you need a prescription for Viagra or can it be brought over the counter at a chemist please?

OP this man does not have a "low libido" if he's wanking to porn throughout the week and nipping downstairs for a wank immediately after having sex with you....

Not sure why you would think vast majority of men. I'm only 30 and no one I know watched porn or wanked. Happily married now and ye if that's what you call a relationship go for it but it ain't in my world

Definitely not viagra. I think a porn addiction is unlikely. Deathgrip and porn addiction are terms that are bandied about all too frequently on MN. I've no doubt porn addiction is real and porn absolutely is damaging to society in general but I wouldn't consider 3 times a week addictive behaviour. It's certainly selfish and it does annoy me how his needs are prioritised over mine but as aforementioned, that's an entirely different thread. Although it has goy me curious, I wonder how often middle age men do masturbate on average? Off to Google....

😳

@LadyJ2023 do you mean your partner doesn't masturbate? Or people you know in general? I agree there are men that don't use porn for various reasons. But definitely more use it than those who don't. Unfortunately. However, nearly everyone masturbates. It's perfectly normal for married people to do so and still be content with their spouses. I masturbate, primarily because my sex life is unsatisfactory, but even in periods of my life were I was having regular sex I would still do it.

You do that 😑

I'd feel a bit weird I think as well @BeSmartLikeEthelButKindLikeMildred. But I know my husband, and I know that if he was that up for it he was having a hand shandy less than half an hour after we'd had sex, it would be because he was still turned on rather than he hadn't been satisfied.

@LadyJ2023 the vast majority of people you know don't wank?! Either you belong to a Christian sect or you just don't talk about it. It's far more normal to do it than not!

I would feel ick about this too. I would ask him about it, it might be that you misinterpreted it or he know you were going to have a chance for a big session so took viagra even if h doesn’t normally.

I wouldn’t be happy with someone claiming to have a low libido and then wanking loads though. I think that’s worse!

Wtf is wrong with you? Posting weird shit like this on every thread.

I'm curious though, for PP claiming that masturbating 3x a week is excessive for men, I'm not sure it is. For clarification I'm not looking for anyone to divulge how often their DH/DP does it, but I don't think a few times a week is entirely unusual either. I do think a person can have a low libido for sex but still want to masturbate. Although the end goal is the same, they are quite different. Nevertheless it does still make him selfish and lazy. I think even if we were having sex everyday he would still see to himself even as a means of comfort/stress relief/sheer habit.

I've no idea how often my oh masturbates

It's none of my business

A sort of male friend told me he wanks off 4 times a day. We no longer speak actually cause he was a bit wierd but yeah, I'd say that's excessive 😂

There's masturbating & then there's masturbating to porn though which are too separate issues in my book!
masturbating no issues, masturbating to porn big issues!

Sh&tting heck! You need better standards.

@mumda in fairness I don't think masturbating in the living room is really that bad? We've had sex (admittedly many moons ago) in the living room so I don't see how this is worse. He obviously wasn't expecting me to come downstairs as assumed I would be sleeping. We only have one bathroom and it's basically like an ensuite, right beside the bedroom and extremely thin walls so I'm not sure that would have been preferable for him. Not defending him, I'm still a little hurt by it all, (and to add insult to injury he's currently sleeping so no sex tonight) but I don't think him wanking in the living room is a reflection on my standards.

How do you know that was what happened?

You said he clearly had just before but you didn't actually catch him doing it and you didn't ask him, you pretended to ignore it.

Maybe you got it wrong and he hadn't just done that?

P.s not trying to be argumentative! Just saying you might be worrying about something that didn't happen, perhaps.

If my dh claimed to have low libido but was wanking all the time I'd be fuming.

I also don't understand how he apparently finished during sex but was able to have a wank half an hour later.

@Poppy44 he definitely was. As I walked in he was pulling up his shorts and I the laptop screen was slamned shut. There was a nice little pile of tissues beside him too. And no he doesn't have a cold. The look on his face was a picture. I'm sure he knew I was well aware what he was at but realistically I'm not going to shame him or treat him like a naughty teenager. I just acted as if I hadn't really caught on to what he was at and went back upstairs. There has been occassions were he has "caught" me and walked back out/pretended not to notice also

@Hooverthestairs I'm surprised he was able to climax again after such a short period. I know younger men have a short refractory period but was quite taken aback that he was able to considering he's 45. I should maybe be impressed(!) but was too annoyed/hurt to see it that way

I can't get past masturbating in the kitchen!

My DH has never been able to do that so soon, always needs a good few hours, we are in our early 30s.

I'd be hurt too and feel really down especially if you were child free and could have had that time together.

I would speak to him OP as he sounds like he's prioritising wanking over you and that it is effecting your sex life. Did he say anything when you went downstairs?

Would you like to be having sex 3 times a week? If so does he know that and is instead choosing to fob you off and wank to porn instead?

If yes to both you have every right to be upset and feel rejected. Because that’s what’s happening.

@Thatcatisdrivingmenuts he was in the living room not the kitchen. I was in the kitchen but could see him in the living room as it's open plan.
@Hooverthestairs even in the early days when we had frequent sex I've never known him to be able to climax so quickly again after a shirt period so I was quite shocked. No he didn't really say anything. I muttered something about just getting a drink and went back up.