Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Scrapped Valentines Dinner

141 replies

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 20:06

Give me your views...what would you do?

It's been a busy few weeks. Home cooked meals every night, home cooked snacks for the kids, cooking from scratch, canning, preserving, sorting out our homestead, basically just super busy. I am tired and absolutely sick of being in the kitchen.

We are saving on money so we agreed we would get something nice for dinner tonight rather than pay a babysitter and go out somewhere. We didn't do gifts, just cards so I said to him, I will send you some money, can you go get us takeaway and I will get kids in to bed whilst you are away and get washed so we can sit down and have a nice meal together and also I wanted a fizzy drink with my dinner (I react to alcohol, so this is my treat and we had none in the house).

He said no, he didn't want take away and the car needed fuel so he couldn't go (there is a garage nearby, but he wanted to do this further afield where it's cheaper, he literally can't just put £10 in from the local fuel station for some reason, don't ask me why). So I said fine and started making some food, looking at a recipe and prepping. A while later he comes in and says "so what do you want from the takeaway?" This irritated me as I was already making dinner by this point. I said I am already making dinner as you said no to takeaway, he said "I was going to get YOU something and I am sure I can manage some" shrugged his shoulders, seemed briefly annoyed but headed back to the office. I convinced my older kids to settle down the little ones for bed and still in my grubby clothes, I went to the office to ask him if he can dish up dinner so I can get changed out my grubby clothes. He dished up dinner and set out a bottle of wine from the fridge - he knows I am allergic to wine, so I thought it was for him. I don't have anything else to drink in the house which is why I wanted take away to get some juice, so my only option is water. He gets irritated that I say I can't have the wine and will have water, sighs, grabs the wine bottle and says he will have water too then. I tell him to just enjoy the wine with his dinner and let me have the water, he ignores me and starts pouring out water for himself. So I end up just getting up and leaving as I literally was so irritated with the whole thing I no longer feel able to eat, especially with him.

I cannot understand this man.... I really do not get it. He said no to take away, so I cook, he says what do you want from the take away, knowing I am cooking, I say nothing because I am already making dinner, he puts out wine I can't drink, then when I say no to the wine, he refuses to drink it himself....

He kept saying he didn't understand and refused to eat unless I did. So it's scraped in to tubs in the fridge.

I am not even hungry anymore and wondering why I didn't just drive and get myself a take away and put £10 in the car from a local expensive garage because that would REALLY wind him up....

Valentines Day Fail!

OP posts:
Sugargliderwombat · 15/02/2023 03:12

Sounds to me like he was picking a fight !

Wildfloral · 15/02/2023 03:23

covertcuddler · 14/02/2023 22:17

We live in the UK....wow do people really not think homesteaders exist in the UK? This is a hilarious turn of this post!

Show quote history

Oh I've been here OP... People nitpick the smallest imagined inconsistency, even though the truth is more likely to come out piecemeal than a lie. Mumsnet trolls I believe...

Wildfloral · 15/02/2023 03:26

This book is excellent.

Your husband sounds a little but passive aggressive? I don't think they always know they are doing this. I don't think it's done on purpose, more a lack of self- control as one gets tired and it gets later at night.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2023 03:29

To me that all sounds like two irritable tired people miscommunication and rubbing each other up the wrong way. Add in you being a martyr and him being thoughtless and you’re both feeling pissed off.

I think people are getting fixated on the location thing because you’re using words that aren’t usual like homestead (I think I’d say small holding in the uk) and I think canning stuff at home is quite unusual in the uk (as is preserving in February!)

MarshaMelrose · 15/02/2023 03:44

You live on a homestead. In the UK. That's so exciting to me. A homestead. 😍

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 03:51

Wildfloral · 15/02/2023 03:26

This book is excellent.

Your husband sounds a little but passive aggressive? I don't think they always know they are doing this. I don't think it's done on purpose, more a lack of self- control as one gets tired and it gets later at night.

You could be right and not just him either. I don't think he is aware he is doing it, doesn't help me not be annoyed about it though!

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 03:51

MarshaMelrose · 15/02/2023 03:44

You live on a homestead. In the UK. That's so exciting to me. A homestead. 😍

Thank you! We are very blessed ❤️

OP posts:
thedogsmababy · 15/02/2023 04:01

Doesn't he know you are hospitalised if you drink wine?

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 04:08

BitOutOfPractice · 15/02/2023 03:29

To me that all sounds like two irritable tired people miscommunication and rubbing each other up the wrong way. Add in you being a martyr and him being thoughtless and you’re both feeling pissed off.

I think people are getting fixated on the location thing because you’re using words that aren’t usual like homestead (I think I’d say small holding in the uk) and I think canning stuff at home is quite unusual in the uk (as is preserving in February!)

This is a misconception, in the self sufficiency communities (and the English dictionary) homestead and small holdings are the same thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 04:09

thedogsmababy · 15/02/2023 04:01

Doesn't he know you are hospitalised if you drink wine?

Yes! I accidentally had gravy containing wine one time and ended up needing an ambulance! I genuinely don't think he would have let me drink it knowing what happens, it felt like it was to prove some sort of point

OP posts:
Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 04:11

Wildfloral · 15/02/2023 03:23

Oh I've been here OP... People nitpick the smallest imagined inconsistency, even though the truth is more likely to come out piecemeal than a lie. Mumsnet trolls I believe...

Show quote history

Right? It's rampant! Never have I witnessed so much bitterness and rudeness... welcome to the 21st century, where people think being bitter and bitchy is acceptable...you would think I was on trial with these cross examinations 😂

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 15/02/2023 04:22

This is a misconception, in the self sufficiency communities (and the English dictionary) homestead and small holdings are the same thing.

Yes! I looked it up. I'd never heard it called that in the UK before. Only in the US where I think it was originally to do with land staking. In the UK homestead, small holding and croft are apparently all the same. It's defined as a farm and outbuildings.
Croft sounds like you're just scraping minimally by, living on rotting potatoes and nettle soup.
Small holding sounds like an allotment.
But homestead sounds like a substantial building, with cellars and attics, and maybe a ghost and a witch, all in the midst of sunflower fields. I absolutely love homestead.

Original poster
covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 04:49

MarshaMelrose · 15/02/2023 04:22

This is a misconception, in the self sufficiency communities (and the English dictionary) homestead and small holdings are the same thing.

Yes! I looked it up. I'd never heard it called that in the UK before. Only in the US where I think it was originally to do with land staking. In the UK homestead, small holding and croft are apparently all the same. It's defined as a farm and outbuildings.
Croft sounds like you're just scraping minimally by, living on rotting potatoes and nettle soup.
Small holding sounds like an allotment.
But homestead sounds like a substantial building, with cellars and attics, and maybe a ghost and a witch, all in the midst of sunflower fields. I absolutely love homestead.

Hahahaha I love this! Disappointingly, I don't have a cellar, ghost or witch that I know of (though husband may feel differently 😂) and absolutely no sunflowers :-(

But we do have a substantial building, outbuildings and land - hope that will suffice lol

OP posts:
MarshaMelrose · 15/02/2023 05:46

Well, that is a little bit of a disappointment, @covertcuddler , I have to say. But I can see how I could be guilty of over-glamorising. Because as much as I want to live on a homestead, I'm not pickling or bottling or canning for anyone. It would be a 5hr round trip to Asda or death from starvation. 😉 😄

But you'll be ever etched in my mind as homestead woman. Like Ree on Pioneer Woman.

hopewithoutpanic · 15/02/2023 06:05

Would you be willing to share which country within the UK you are based in?

Figmentof · 15/02/2023 06:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DesertRose64 · 15/02/2023 06:59

VictorStrand · 15/02/2023 01:28

@theresstillbaileys which village in the UK has a Picasso?

Show quote history

Just google it. It’s interesting.

rainbowstardrops · 15/02/2023 07:12

Bloody hell there were some nasty and unnecessary comments last night.

I'm glad you got your takeaway and fizzy drink @covertcuddler and your lifestyle sounds fascinating!

Kentishbornknitter · 15/02/2023 07:13

covertcuddler · 15/02/2023 00:06

Have been using re-used sauce jars for over 7 years without an issue, my parents and grandparents re-used before me - but each to their own! I certainly wouldn't sell produce in a re-used can, but you can see when canning has failed, if not immediately before use

Show quote history

I am sorry but that is ridiculous! No intelligent mother would risk their children’s safety by canning meat in old sauce jars with reused lids.

Kentishbornknitter · 15/02/2023 07:19

@DesertRose64 canning and pickling are two different methods of preserving. Yes you can reuse old jars for pickles and jams but you cannot use pickle and jam jars for canning. Canning is done using special jars and new lids to withstand the pressure from the steam or boiling water and to prevent death from botulism.

Pansypotter123 · 15/02/2023 07:19

Just curious about why you said you would pay for the takeaway? It was Valentine's Day - I'm assuming you have separate bank accounts, but wouldn't this be an expense you'd both share?

Did he get you anything for VD?

Also - doesn't the cost of petrol and wear and tear to your car to get to and from your nearest large supermarket even out the higher prices in your local supermarket?

theresstillbaileys · 15/02/2023 07:24

@VictorStrand Braemar

CrystalCoco · 15/02/2023 07:39

Fascinating thread OP from the homestead point of view

An AMA thread stands 'Ask Me Anything' (I'm not sure if any PP upthread already explained it) but basically you'd start a thread (if you were interested in doing so!) and the title would be something like:

"I live on a homestead, AMA"

and posters would ask a ton of questions about your lifestyle, to be fair, a bit like this thread went, although I know that wasn't your intention 😂

What I'm amazed at is how you managed to stay away till nearly 5am writing on this thread, if you do an AMA I'll be asking what time your day starts and ends 😅

CrystalCoco · 15/02/2023 07:41

theresstillbaileys · 15/02/2023 07:24

@VictorStrand Braemar

Braemar is pretty remote but it's not a 5 hour round trip to the nearest city / big supermarket

Gallowayan · 15/02/2023 08:07

It is possible to live 2 hours drive from a supermarket in Scotland.

It is also possible to buy a house with land quite cheaply. I think the use of the word 'homstead' has derailed the thread here because in the UK you would normally call this kind of property a smallholding.